It's Alive!
A few weeks ago, I bought my son a dinosaur puzzle at Target. It was a little young for him, sure. But it makes a different dinosaur sound for each variety of dinosaur on the board, and how cute is that? Totally cute, right? Once we got it home, he promptly took the wooden puzzle pieces out of the board and added them to his collection of dinosaur play things, leaving the puzzle board under the couch.
Now, let it be known that I'm not exactly a rocket scientist. This may surprise many of you, but it's true. I cannot explain why every time we flip a light switch, one or all of the dinosaur noises start going off. But there you have it. Hall light on? Rrrrrrowwwwr. Lamp off? Reeeee! Reeee! Reeeee!
I unearthed the board and glared at it. I poked it a few times with my index finger and vigorously shook it. My science is flawless. I put in on the couch and flipped on the lamp. Muuuuuuurrrrrrraaaaaack! Aha! Pteranadon speaks!
I put it to one side, meaning to reclaim the pieces of the puzzle and put the whole thing away. Many days later, it continues to emit threatning noises from the top of the entertainment center.
Needless to say, around here, things don't seem to follow a natural progression. There's always an unexpected side effect of any action. Take last night - I first noticed a canned "hee hee hee" noise around dinnertime. It was coming from one of the kids' rooms, but I didn't see the source, so I went about my business. A few hours went by, and another "hee hee hee" filtered through the wall.
I asked the kids. "What is that?"
They played dumb. "I dunno."
I had a load of clothes in the dryer at bedtime, but after the tumbling stopped, I could faintly hear a "hee hee hee" coming from somewhere. Okay. I could ignore it. It was just some toy with a fried battery, which I could find and change tomorrow. No biggie.
"Hee hee hee."
"Hee hee hee."
"Hee hee hee."
I got up and went to silence the laughter. I tried my son and youngest daughter's room first. On the way in, I kicked a spiked plastic dinosaur, and hopped around hissing for a minute.
"Hee hee hee."
Moving into the room, I stepped on the foot of the dancing Boobah, who emitted a fart and began to gyrate and make whistling noises.
"Mama?" My son stuck his head over the edge of the bunkbed, rubbing his eyes.
"Go back to sleep, hon." I staged whispered.
"Hee hee hee."
It sounded like it was coming from my daughter's room. I'm onto you now, sucka.
"Hee hee hee."
My daughter's room was pitch black, and rather than turn on her light, I tiptoed out to the hall and flipped the switch.
"Growl! Roar! Eeeeek! Eeeeek!" came from the top of the television.
"Hee hee hee." came from my daughter's closet.
I pounced on a pile of stuffed animals, and found the culprit. A My Little Pony baby something or other.
"Hee hee hee." I frantically searched for the battery compartment, or an off switch or something to turn it off.
"Hee hee hee." I carried it out into the hall. Turning it over and over, I got no help from the laughing pink pony.
"Hee hee hee." I decided to put it somewhere it wouldn't be heard and go back to bed. I stuck it under a couch cushion, and flipped off the light.
"Muuuuuuuuuraaaaaaaagh!" Nice.
I climbed back into bed, and pulled the covers up. My Liitle Tattle-tale Hearted Pony was just detectable.
"Hee hee hee."
Clamping my pillow over my ears, I slept fitfully. (hee hee hee) My dreams were plagued with plastic pony heads. At six o'clock this morning, my son, whose sleep was also apparently troubled by the "hee hee heeing" seized the pony out from the couch, flipped on a light (roar!) and flung open the front door. He chucked the pony out onto the walk. It bounced a few times on its fabric butt before landing on its side with a dull plastic-y thud. He slammed the front door and heaved a sigh of relief. As he crawled into our bed for a few morning snuggles, we heard it, right outside our bedroom window:
"Hee hee hee."
In the light of day, I found the battery compartment, and ended the madness. Who's laughing now, Pony?
Me me me.
In a fitting footnote to this adventure, my husband just turned off the living room lights on his way to bed, and the dinosaurs went wild.
Comments
OH DEAR GOD! *snort* I almost choked on my iced tea reading that *g* Too funny (unless you're the one being kept up by a diabolical childrens toy - out to drive you mad!
Posted by: Erin the Innocent | February 20, 2006 10:09 PM
brilliant... to the very last roar!
Posted by: Elaine | February 20, 2006 10:35 PM
HHaaaaaahhhh! We had a Buzz Lightyear once that was psycho like that. In the middle of the night, we would hear, "Alien, I'll blast you with my laser!" It got to the point that I just put it outside whenever it got talkative. We also had a Crocodile Hunter talking action figure who got abducted by squirrels and we could hear it up in the squirrel's nest saying, "Danger, danger, danger." I bet the squirrels were a little crazy after listening to that all of the time...and wishing they didn't steal it!
Posted by: baseballmom | February 20, 2006 10:38 PM
I may well wake my children with my laughing, Jenny!!
This is why most toys that make any sound are promptly relieved of their batteries shortly after crossing the threshold! I learned my lesson after the creepy Furby invasion (the first one a few years ago). Those things would start talking in the middle of the night and freak me out!
Posted by: buffi | February 20, 2006 10:48 PM
boring tech comment: light sensor in board, probably one under each dino, look for small holes on the board, will run out of batteries eventually :)
Posted by: k | February 21, 2006 2:39 AM
Bwahahahahahaaaaaaaaa....
Posted by: Mir | February 21, 2006 4:55 AM
Fantastic blog to wake up to this morning!
Hee hee hee!
Posted by: C.M.Chase | February 21, 2006 6:33 AM
Abducted by squirrels? Bwahahahaha! Crikey!
Posted by: Jenny | February 21, 2006 6:47 AM
Very funny!
Posted by: Tuesday | February 21, 2006 6:48 AM
RRROOOOAAR. hee hee
Posted by: Dorothy | February 21, 2006 7:28 AM
Waaa-hahahaha!! I once lobbed Dancing Elmo out into the darkness of our back yard at midnight. Then Elmo's jabbering pissed off the neighbors' Great Dane, who barked and kept us awake all night. Oh well!
Posted by: Erin | February 21, 2006 8:12 AM
This had me laughing outloud!
My 11 year old had an Amazing Ally doll when she was little and we would hear, "Come and find me!" at the weirdest hours of the night, too. We sold that psychotic bitch at the first garage sale in the Spring! (not the daughter...the toy)
Posted by: Lisa | February 21, 2006 8:16 AM
Very funny - and it reminds me of the Furby Reign of Terror in our house, when those creepy little things would just start talking for no apparent reason. Our cat got so mad he started nudging them down the stairs, trying to shut them up.
Posted by: Melanie Lynne Hauser | February 21, 2006 8:22 AM
One time we were given a defective backpack.
In the middle of the night - fromt he living room I can hear (with no provocation whatsoever) "YUM YUM YUM, DELICIOSO!"
Aargh. I feel your pain.
Posted by: Sarah | February 21, 2006 9:37 AM
Hee!
Posted by: HG | February 21, 2006 10:37 AM
I think it's funny the kids play practical jokes on you. Hee hee hee.
Posted by: holli | February 21, 2006 11:48 AM
That reminds me of the "Friends" where Phoebe couldn't get the smoke detector to stop! At least when I cross the path of my son's Spy Kids Recorder I hear "I love you Mom" in his sweet muffled voice (even if it does scare the beejezus out of me every time)!
Posted by: Mega Mom | February 21, 2006 11:53 AM
This is great! I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me.
Posted by: Lucinda | February 21, 2006 12:02 PM
As God is my witness. . .For the past 5 minutes, my son's Melissa & Doug animal puzzle has been going off in the next room. I hear screeching seagulls, a rattlesnake and some kind of monkey. I'm not turning lights on--the clouds are breaking and the sun is finally coming out. This thing drives me crazy! I usually try to put the puzzle together each night before going to bed. Otherwise, it goes off when the sun comes up!
Posted by: Surcie | February 21, 2006 12:13 PM
We had crazy Furbys (Furbies?) too. We put a bucket over the head and it thought it was night night time. I told my friends they are never allowed to buy noisy toys for my kids or I will disown them. I never tortured them with those things when I watched their kids, play fair and leave me what's left of my sanity I say. So what do I do? I go out and find all 4 of the Wiggles figures that sing when ANY pressure is applied to their belly. A fly could land on it and it will sing. Those are safely under the couch now.
Posted by: Trishfreak | February 21, 2006 12:52 PM
This post: so very funny.
Baseballmom's comment: even funnier.
And that's why I love this blog.
Posted by: Susan | February 21, 2006 1:24 PM
Okay that is the best play-by-play story evah!!!
Posted by: Lindsey | February 21, 2006 3:04 PM
So so funny. We are plagued by the psychotic Disney Princess fake CD player. Can I pay your kid to come over and chuck ours out the front door?
Posted by: Jenn | February 21, 2006 5:00 PM
OMG, you can't make stuff like this up!!! Last night I was sitting in the living room and the toy box started to dance around. Scared the hell out of me at first. Apparently some ball that moves around went off in there. How many toys do these kids need anyway they run off batteries and who is buying them for them?!
Oh yeah, that would be Grandma. That would be me. Guess I'll quit bitching now. But it did almost give me a stroke.
Love your stories. Please keep them coming.
Posted by: Debby | February 21, 2006 5:43 PM
Oh that is just so funny! I had something like that happen one Christmas. For days I kept hearing a puppy whine and whimper. It never happened when I was around the Christmas tree, so I did not know where it was coming from. One night, it whe whimpering started and would not stop. I checked out front, I checked out back. No puppy. At last I noticed it was coming from under the tree. I located a gift from the Uncle. It was a pound puppy stuffed animal.
Posted by: Crazy Lady | February 21, 2006 7:07 PM
Wow! I have never laughed so hard at a blog! It's too funny, keep it coming! I keep thinking to myself hee hee hee and cracking up! I love the part about the boy throwing it out the door!
Posted by: Ashley's Mommy | February 21, 2006 11:15 PM
I LOVE that!!!!
we have an elmo that talks, and his batteries are running down. so basically, whenever you are in elmo's proximity, he emits a pitiful moan...
Posted by: cmhl | February 22, 2006 7:59 AM
ROFLAO - that's classic. My kids had this stupid Elmo guitar thing that wouldn't shut up even when one of them stuck it a bucket of water. I finally managed to throw it out when they were all gone out for the day *g*
Posted by: Jaynie R | February 22, 2006 7:23 PM
Hilarious! I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. I'll have to keep this in mind when buying toys for my future children! Best of luck with the dinosaurs:)
Posted by: MichelleB | February 23, 2006 2:31 AM
OMG! This is so funny! But I know you must
of been very frustrated!! :)
Posted by: K.L | February 23, 2006 1:51 PM
Oh... I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time. Thank you, thank you...and hee hee hee!
Posted by: Zanna | February 23, 2006 5:37 PM
HAHAHAH! *wipes tears from eyes*
We have a puzzle just like that, only it's a transport puzzle.
Posted by: Pewari | February 27, 2006 6:29 AM
This is just so funny! It's the way you tell'em!
I thought I was alone with the Picachoo who picachood whenever I switched the lamp on. Seems I'm not alone at all!
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Posted by: affiliates | August 10, 2006 2:57 PM