Bungee Jumping
Ladies and Gentlemen! Prepare to be astounded as Mizz Jenny Lauck tumbles ass over teakettle from her high horse of doom! She will go shrieking from the height of insane tongue-lashing to her final point inches above the arena floor.
Don't look away, folks, or you'll miss the miraculous rebound, full of relieved laughter as she shoots skyward once again, ricocheting merrily above the center ring before coming to a swinging stop in midair!
Thrills and chills at Three Kid Circus, these last few days! I've been mean, rude, and uncharacteristically morose. Ask me a simple question like "How was your day?" and I'll give you a laundry list of complaints. Every time a kid opens their mouth, I heave a melodramatic sigh and act martyred. "Juice? You want JUICE?"
I wish I had something obvious to blame it on. I'm busy, sure. I'm experiencing a nice bout of PMS, and I'm feeling guilty as all get out. Cover your heads! Incoming confessions!
I never managed to get the house decorated for Halloween, beyond a few scattered items. I used to relish the decorating, spending entire days setting things up just right. I'd sit back at the end of my decor spree and light a few scented candles and enjoy. The last few years, I've been doing a lousy job of it.
Same thing with all the holidays, come to think of it. I've been slacking on the seasonal decorations. I've also been lax in the seasonal celebration department, too. This isn't such a big deal for me, but for my kids, my oldest in particular, it is just awful. She wants a big fuss. And I want her to have a big fuss. I just don't want to have to orchestrate it all.
When I was growing up, my mom and dad bent over backwards to make sure that the holidays were marked with fanfare. We had a decorated house, homemade treats and fancy dinners. No matter how little money there was, we had a bounty of thoughtful gifts and made happy memories. My mom carefully built little family traditions that carry on to this day. I realize now that my parents had to work hard to make all that happen. Growing up, it was automatic.
I want those same things for my kids, but I'm struggling to make it happen. My husband grew up in a family with no festive celebrations of any kind, so he's no help. I'm at war with My Lazy over the need to haul out a box of nicknacks to scatter around for a few weeks at most. I am trying to find my holiday spirit, and it's somewhere sunny and sandy, thumbing its nose at me.
The thing is, I want my children's memories of the holidays to be joyous like mine. I know that these years are fleeting, and I've let holidays go by in a blur, assigning no meaning, only going through the motions. I have no doubt that my parents had to put on a brave face and pretend for us sometimes. I never knew, though. The old fake it until you make it clause comes into play - I only hope I can sell it to my super observant children.
I don't want to plaster a smile on my face and unclench my teeth. I want to be excited about it. I want to be wrapped in magic. I want to be generous and open. I want to enjoy every minute. I want to do everything with love.
The look for me this season? Bootstraps. I believe I'll start yanking myself up by them right now.
Comments
jenny, you rock. You really do. Your children's memories will be filled with magic and delight. You continuously amaze me with the fun ideas, outings and treats you come up with to share with your children. I know you have moments of self-doubt---we all do. But I guarantee your children will look back on their childhood with fond, fond memories.
You also have this blog (and your new-found one!) to share with them. You have proof of your crazy, fun-filled days at the circus.
and I'll tell them. I promise.
mwah!
Posted by: steph | November 4, 2005 11:19 AM
I feel your pain, sistah. I'm in the same boat... however, I'd come and have fun at your circus any day! You seem to have fun/magical days all the time - not just at special holidays! I agree with Steph, I think your kids are truly lucky to have you as their Mom!
Posted by: Cookie | November 4, 2005 12:02 PM
I'm like your husband - my folks never did a whole lot for holidays, and what we did do was often accompanied by a lot of parental swearing and other unpleasantness. My hubby was the one who grew up with lots of fuss about all the holidays and everything, and I'm honestly pretty jealous of all the good times he had. So I think you're doing a great thing, trying to make sure that holidays are special times at your house.
That said, one thing that stands out to me is that my hubby talks longest and happiest about the things he and his mom did /together/. He doesn't talk much about the decorations that got put up, but I've heard about dipping Nutter Butter cookies in white chocolate and then putting little candy bits for eyes on them (so they looked like skulls, you see) at least once a year all twelve years we've been together.
If your oldest is old enough to notice and expect some fanfare, then I bet she's old enough to help out and take some enjoyment in helping put up decorations and so on. Maybe this could be something you two could do together? Your husband could take the younger kids out to do something appropriate for them while you and the oldest take a couple hours to do a decorating spree?
Of course, easy for me to say - you'll notice I'm sitting here hanging out on the internet, instead of getting cracking on all this stupid Christmas knitting I've got to take care of. :D
Posted by: Thorn | November 4, 2005 12:12 PM
lord, the ever-present, always expected bootstraps of mommyhood. keep 'em with you - but there will be some days when you just absolutely don't have to use them. it's not normal for kids to see insanely happy humans 100% of the time.. it isn't real life. you're just being a good mommy.
i love the "JUICE?? you want JUICE?" answer? I do that with milk. My family has scared me of juice.
Posted by: Holli | November 5, 2005 7:42 AM
Those familiar feelings! Going out of my way to make this Christmas thing to be the best my kids remember thus far.
Posted by: Tatiana | November 5, 2005 10:45 AM
Oh, Jenny, I could have written this. (Albeit, not nearly as well, but the same sentiment) Since we have moved, I have not even found the motivation to hang pictures since we will only be here for a year at most. Holiday decorating seems unfathomable to me.
My lazy has returned and brought a friends, apathy and lethargy. I've got to get it in gear or my kids will not let me have a moment of peace, I'm afraid.
Posted by: buffi | November 5, 2005 12:46 PM
So you mean I have to take down the scarce halloween decorations that have only been up for a week now and actually get into this christmas thing?
I agree with Thorn, it is not about the decoration you put up for them but it is about the things you do with them. Making cookies comes to mind. At least that's the only thing I have planned for this christmas.
Posted by: barbex | November 5, 2005 2:47 PM
I agree with you Jenny. I am very ambivalent about Christmas because of all the works it put s on you with the gifts, dinner and the like. However in retrospect it would be miserable if we did not put up our tree, buy some new decorations, have lights on the tree, buy presents etc. Xmas is like holidays more enjoyalbe when they are over and you can remember them. By doing this you give your childen memeories of a happy childhood and family tradiitons.
Posted by: Karnak | November 6, 2005 4:42 AM