Small Slice

image from nataliedee.com

Tomorrow marks month two of being on synthroid, and I'm pretty happy to say that my hair has stopped falling out, except for the expected shedding that I consider to be normal, and I'm getting that groovy crew-cut length regrowth poking out all over my scalp. HAWT. Some of the other symptoms continue on without improvement (hello lack of sex drive!) and my skin is still scaly.

My doctor has ordered a retest for me to check my thyroid levels, so I'm going to head to the lab tomorrow to see what kind of improvement has been made.

I've been sort of off food for a few weeks - I'm eating small meals, but the balance has been sort of whack, and my weird poop issues were getting worse and worse. I canNOT believe I'm sharing this, but my poop was light colored and floating, and generally not, um, well-formed. This is usually a symptom of malabsorption or consumption of too much fat, and I've been careful not to eat too much fat. This has been going on off and on for months.

I thought thyroid - but the medicine didn't fix it.
I thought maybe dairy - but eliminating dairy didn't fix it.
I thought maybe gluten - but removing gluten just made me angry and on edge.
And then I realized that I've been eating more nuts as a part of my healthier diet this year. Since January, I've typically had a small handful of raw nuts of some variety almost every day. Sometimes almonds or walnuts, but sometimes macadamia nuts or my favorite, cashews.

After eating a generous number (say, 25 or 30 nuts) of macadamia nuts in early August, I had some pretty awful stomach cramping and icky poo the next day. I chocked it up to too many s'mores while camping and continued to eat nuts. The weird poo continued.

Around the middle of August, I made a really yummy coconut rice with cilantro, lime juice and toasted cashews. I didn't make the connection then, but my stomach was really unhappy the next day.

Last Tuesday, I ate about 15 cashews chopped with apple and mixed with greek yogurt. I probably ate another 15 as a snack in the late afternoon. By Wednesday morning, I was in the grips of an evil, evil stomach cramping illness that felt like food poisoning.

I spent the early morning rushing in and out of the bathroom. I had a doctor's visit for my sleep apnea (more on that later) at Kaiser, which turned out to be a 2 hour class. About 15 minutes into the class, I had to excuse myself and sprint to the restroom. I spent about 30 minutes in a cold sweat, clutching the support bar in the handicapped stall with my face resting on the cold tiles of the wall. I have rarely been so sick.

I had already waiting a month and a half for this appointment - I was missing work, and I was determined to not "waste" this time. I splashed some cold water on my face, and went back to the classroom. I made it another 30 minutes, before having to rush back to the bathroom. This time, I did the unthinkable and actually lay down on the cold tile floor, wracked with cold sweats and shaking like a leaf. After 20 minutes, I was able to get back up, splashed on some more cold water and headed back to finish out the class. I made, it, but barely, and was shaking and sweating as I drove myself home. I called in sick, and curled up in bed for the duration. I lost an entire day to these horrific stomach woes.

It was the cashews. I know it was the cashews. And I don't know what to do, besides not eat them again. Should I be tested formally for an allergy?

It has been a week since I've eaten any raw nuts - although I had a little peanut butter today, maybe a teaspoon. I don't think that it will be a problem. And as soon as my poor body got over purging the crap out of me (literally) my poop has been normal. Not floating. Not pale. My poop has been your standard, textbook version of poop.

You would think that it would take more than that to get me excited, but hoo boy. We're living large over here.

Posted by Jenny at 8:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

I had hoped in a very small, stupid part of my brain that there would be some sort of mystical rainbows shooting out of my rear or something after a month on these meds, and aside from some improvement in the weird poo department, which I GUESS you could consider mystical, if you haven't changed your eating patterns or diet one iota and yet your number two is differentish, things are pretty much the same.

Continue reading "No mystical rainbows, yet." »

Posted by Jenny at 7:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

A few weeks ago, I sat down in my doctor's office and got "the speech." I've heard it all before - the extra steps each day, taking the stairs, eating small meals, blah blah blah.

And the thing is? I do all that stuff. And yet I got the hairy eyeball when I told my doctor that I typically don't consume more than 1,500 calories a day, and while I do have the occasional hamburger or cookie, most of my meals are pretty well balanced and healthy.

He looked at my overflowing cup of a body and suggested a weight loss class. I wanted to cry.

Continue reading "The 300 Calorie Project" »

Posted by Jenny at 8:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

It is curious how hyper-aware I am of every tiny maybe-symptom that occurs during the day. Last night, as I lay in my bed, a vague pressing sensation was in my throat. OH NO! I thought. Could this be a goiter?

And then I cleared my throat and no. Nope, there is nothing there.

Continue reading "The zeal of the newly diagnosed" »

Posted by Jenny at 9:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

And here I am, two years later, with an additional 15 pounds on my frame, and a new host of symptoms that have me frustrated. Swelling legs, hair falling out, weird heart racing baloney, fatigue... don't even get me started.

Continue reading "Something thickened. This way blows." »

Posted by Jenny at 8:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Posted by Jenny at 9:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

It dawned on me this weekend that I'm no longer even thinking about eating breakfast.  I'm just doing it.  I wake up ready to eat.  Victory!

The journaling continues to be a struggle - mostly because my meal planning has gone awry again.  I just haven't had time/motivation/whatever and I believe that I am probably not balancing my meals very well.  I'm going to make consistant meal plans and journaling the focus for the next few weeks.

It also dawned on me this weekend that I need to get more exercise.  Plain and simple.  I've been good with lifting weights, riding the iGallop (haaaa! heeee!  hooooo!) and jumping on the trampoline, but the reality for me is that I need a lot of walking as well.  Trying to carve the hour or so out of my day to get a long walk is tough.  So tough that I haven't been doing it. 

It struck me as I was dashing out the door to the van for the five minute drive to school last week - I used to walk the kids to school every day.  And with all the time I've been spending thawing the windows, warming the car, loading the kids... seriously, walking them to school takes the same amount of time as driving.  I leave the house at 7:45 and I'm home by 8:20.  It is a mile each way. 

So yesterday, I tied on my shoes, put the leash on the dog, and pushed the stroller just in case, and my four-year-old and I walked the two older kids to school.  By five minutes into the walk, my heart felt light, my head cleared, and I felt like my day was off to a good start.  When I got home, I had so much energy, and as an added bonus, my four-year-old went off to preschool while I had a conference call with Steve Case.   She was worn out after walking two miles, and having school, and I got the first nap out of her I've had in a month.  Wooo!

While rehashing the call with a friend, I found myself rummaging in the pantry.  Snacking while on the phone, while pretty damn rude, is also a habit of mine.  I've been known to consume large portions of food while gabbing, and I forced myself to leave the kitchen while I talked.  Afterwards, I realized that I hadn't been hungry at all, and celebrated with a cup of herbal tea.

Baby steps, I know.

Posted by Jenny at 7:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

On Saturday, I ate without thinking.  I had breakfast as usual, but I popped a meringue cookie in my mouth while I was in the pantry for something else.  I bought the package of cookies as a special treat for the kids - they've been very cranky since I've started this whole grain, veggies, lean protein business.  Little Sugar Addicts reaffirmed that I need to ease them off of sugars - and besides, I figured a cookie with an otherwise healthy lunch isn't a problem.  So, I had a cookie.  Then I had a cup of hot chocolate, since I was making some for the kids anyway, and another cookie.  The day went downhill from there, eating-wise.  And my mood went south as well.

On Sunday, I was lethargic and irritable.  I went back to my whole grains and lean proteins and veggies, but I felt horrible all day.  Even this morning, the sugar hangover lingers.

Why do I do these things to myself?  I guess I just have to test the waters and convince myself beyond a doubt that I need to make this change.

The Amazing Shrinking Mel says: "...because, seriously, no cookie is worth being fat forever."  When I first read that, I'll admit that I smirked and thought "because, seriously, one cookie isn't the problem."

But you know what?  If I hadn't had that one meringue cookie, I doubt the cravings for sugar would have taken over and made me into an eating machine.  It was that one cookie that flipped my sweet switch, and I spent all day trying to eat something that would satisfy my craving.  I never found it, and I made myself ill with all the extra food I ate.

I've been avoiding the scale since before Christmas.  I suspect that I'm up a few pounds again - but I'm okay with that for the time being.  I've established a breakfast habit, and I'm becoming very aware how my body responds to different foods.  I know what I want to eat, and how I want to eat, and when I want to eat.  The difficult part is getting past that feeling that happiness can be found in sweet foods.  That a job well done needs a little treat to celebrate. 

Most of all, there's the over-riding desire to be done with this struggle already.  To already be done with sugary foods.  To already seek comfort from healthy habits instead of cookies.  And that, my friends, is why I keep failing.  Because I want to believe that two weeks of trying equals success. 

But two weeks of trying, crowned by two days of spectacular failure means that I'm still going to have to struggle.  Then I start projecting forward.  I'm going to have to try EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.  And then I freak out and start heading toward the pantry.

I can't think that far ahead.  I have to focus on one choice at a time.  One bite at a time. And instead of throwing up my hands after this weekend's wreckage, I'm learning.  I journaled my emotions, and I can reference those foods and those emotions.  I can make those connections.  And I can plan ahead.  Stop laughing.  I can, too.

I'm being called away by my children.  I'll post my menu for this week when and if I can get the kids to settle the hell down.

Posted by Jenny at 10:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (0)

Or, how to shop at a major grocery store and find next to nothing you want to buy.

Last night, I was irritated beyond reason with my family and decided that a solo grocery store trip was in order.  They could all make each other crazy, and I could read labels in peace.  I might have been peaceful starting out, but I got all riled up by the time I finished navigating the stores. 

"Whole wheat!" claims a label, until you look at the ingredients, and sure, it has wheat flour as the number one ingredient, but the second is corn syrup.  I looked at no less than 10 brands of bread that had no fiber to speak of.  I imagine I was huffing and puffing and looking indignant as I tried to find lunch snacks for the kids.  The dazzling variety of packages and logos and cartoon characters and buy one get one free deals... it is enough to turn a gal's head.  But the reality is that 99% of what was on sale, or individually packaged, or labeled with healthy catch-phrases was all stuff that was loaded with sugars, bleached flours, and scary additives.

This is why I loves me some Trader Joes - although even there you have to read labels.  Anyway.

I ended up with some 100% Whole Wheat bread, some unsweetened applesauces, some yo-baby yogurts, whole grain pretzels, havarti cheese and sliced turkey, eggs (I hard boil them a dozen at a time) and fresh blueberries. This compliments my stash of natural peanut butter, baby carrots, Wasa flatbreads, green olives, avocados, apples, broccoli and celery.

I would hate being my kid in the cafeteria.  I hope that they actually eat the lunches they helped pack for themselves.  They were really excited about the food they packed, but it's not gleaming in foil wrappers or emblazoned with SpongeBob Squarepants.  I hope they don't just mooch food off of their friends and come home starving and strung out.

The good news is that we are all starting to recognize our shifting moods in relation to the foods we are eating.  I've been sticking pretty closely to whole grain stuff, but the kids have had a few sugary treats and without fail, they've become very emotional, super high and then have crashed hard.  Instead of feeding them more sugary stuff, I've been offering hard boiled eggs, a spoon of peanut butter, a few triscuits with cheese... and they are eating it.  Even better, they are commenting on how much better they feel.

It is a small step, for sure, but a step in the right direction.

Posted by Jenny at 9:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (0)

So, wow.  I was sort of zonked out for a day following all that emotional well-spring action, and now that I've had a chance to let things settle down, I've been trying to decide what to do about all these demons of mine.  I'd love to be able to throw myself into full-speed-ahead demon banishment, but that isn't who I am.  At least, that isn't the speed I need to go for long-term success.  That's my newest theory.  Slow and Steady.  Because apparently, that is what my body has been trying to tell me all along.

So, I'm having breakfast, every morning.  While there are some mornings when I am not hungry, by the time I finish making whatever it is, I'm usually happy to eat.  And it has really made a huge difference in how my mornings go.  I'm energetic, but not hyper (like coffee alone) and I'm not snacking unless (and this is the problem) I'm in the kitchen and doling out snacks to the kids.

I had a day from hell where the kids were all up in my grill, wanting tidbits all day, and I wanted to weep.  And shoot them over the state line with a catapult.  I don't know what happened to my spine, but I was acting like a short order cook, and then it dawned on me that 1) I don't have to and 2) I won't do that anymore.

So, tonight I'm sitting down with the kids, and we're going to come up with five possible breakfasts, five possible lunches, and then I'll worry about dinners.  I'm sick and tired of trying to cook inventive meals when every single member of my family is happy with simple, and familiar meals.  Once the kids and I get it hammered out, I'll share it here.

I was already grumbling and pouting when I picked up a copy of The Sonoma Diet.  I wanted to see if they had good recipes, since I knew that the diet was supposed to be whole grain, veggies, lean protein, fruit.  And, since I live in Sonoma County, CA, I figured that I was at least obligated to give it a look-see, right? 

The diet itself seems like a good option, although I don't like the use of artificial sweeteners and the non-fat dairy.  I understand why those items are options for the diet, but those items don't match up with a natural, unprocessed eating style.  This is nitpicking, and if you are looking for specific rules to follow, and portion-sizes and shopping lists and the whole kit and kaboodle spelled out for you, it is really an understandable, sound option. 

As far as the recipes go, they look great - lots of fresh veggies and herbs, colorful dishes with wonderful sauces and marinades.  The suggested menus sound amazing, too.  But I thought to myself, "Come on.  Like you are really going to make something different for every single meal for weeks on end."

Then I picked up my new copy of Dr. Clower's The French Don't Diet Plan, and flipped randomly to a page and read:

"Aren't standard diet book meal plans hopeless?  They tell you to eat specific foods on specific days and at specific times, with some stunning new creation every day.  The following breakfast meal plan actually came straight out of one popular diet book.  I want you to imagine yourself actually doing this for even one week.

Mon: Peach quick bread, fresh raspberries; Tue: Blueberry muffin with lemon glaze, cantaloupe wedge; Wed: Yogurt layered with granola, fruit and coconut; Thurs: Cereal bar, yogurt topped with blueberries; Fri: Mini-bagel with jam and reduced fat cream cheese, yogurt with sliced peach; Sat: Vegetable frittata wedge, wheat toast, blueberries; Sun: Pancakes with light syrup, sliced strawberries.

And this was just breakfast!  It sounds great in theory, but no one with a life can do it, which makes the point perfectly: overmanaging your schedule and expectations sets you up for one big dietary downfall." (The French Don't Diet Plan, page 241)

So, yeah.  I'm guilty of overthinking, overplanning, overshopping, and overeating when all I really need and want is a few choices.  I have been buying into the whole idea that if my weekly dinners were too similar, I was dieting wrong.  If I didn't touch on multiple ethnicities in my weekly meals, I was going to bore my family (and you guys, too.)  Duh, me.  Settle down.  Pick a handful of favorites, and rotate.  Add a new dish here and there, but stop obsessing on it.

That, and I've been really hung up on breakfast.  Breakfast food should be breakfast food, right?  Like eggs and cereal, and um, eggs and what the heck else is there?  Fruit?  Potatoes? Pancakes?  And eggs? 

So I've decided that I'm not limiting myself to breakfast foods at breakfast time anymore.  If I have leftovers from dinner that sound good, I'm eating that.  If I want to eat a green salad with chicken for breakfast, I will.  And no one is going to report me to anyone if I make fried rice or steamed broccoli or naan and garbanzo bean masala or anything else.

Wooo! Take that, planned diets!  I'm sticking it to The Man. 

Posted by Jenny at 3:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

Denise (again) makes a very good point by mentioning my silence on the emotional issues that have helped hoist my chubby little fist full of snackies. I'm going to take a stab at revealing some of the emotional issues I have, and the way they have twisted my relationship to food.

Demon #6 - Recognition and Appreciation
Food has long been a way to reward myself.  From my earliest years:
"Finish your dinner, and you can have a popsicle." 
"Get good grades, and we'll go out for ice cream!"
Let's not forget the Starving Children in China argument.  I'm making it sound like my parents were plying us with sweet rewards daily.  This isn't the case at all.  But times of celebration, large and small, generally called for something yummy. 

In my adult life, a job well done has always been marked by a little something edible. As an office worker, a balanced ledger meant it was time for a visit to the vending machines.  As a new mommy, every breastfeeding session 'earned' a little treat. The thankless day-to-day grind of dirty diaper and dirty laundry and dirty dishes was sweetened by a little "thank you, Jenny!" in the form of a Pumpkin Spice Latte, or a handful of cookies.  This last year has brought me major improvement on that front.  No longer do I 'celebrate' each folded load of laundry with a fun-sized Snickers (or three) from a hidden stash.  No longer do I 'celebrate' the end of the day by polishing off a pint of Ben & Jerry's. 

However, the snacking urge remains.  I believe that there are several complicated emotional triggers behind this.  My need for appreciation and recognition is abated and soothed by chocolate and sweets.  I realize that I cannot continue to feed this need with food - but I am not sure how to fill the hole.  At the risk of sounding like an ungrateful wretch, I will admit that I find many of my hausfrau duties to be completely mundane.  Not only that, but I'm not particularly good at them.  Which brings me to Demon #7.

Continue reading "Emotional Demons" »

Posted by Jenny at 9:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (13) | TrackBacks (0)

I've been humbled this last year by my utter inability to shed pounds.  I've read articles and books, digested theories and made plans.  I've been angry, motivated, ambivelent and defiant.  I've used food as a punishment and as a reward.  I've "tried" lots of ideas, tested theory after theory.

And I'm still fat.

This year, I'm determined to get to the bottom of my body's refusal to let go of the weight.  And I think I'm finally onto the demons that have been plaguing me.

Demon #1 - Awareness
As much as I love to eat, I don't want to think about it.  I don't want to plan it, I don't want to anticipate my next meal, I don't want to balance my meals and I certainly don't want to journal every damn bite that crosses my lips.  This goes hand and hand with Demon #2, by the way.

Demon #2 - Honesty
I don't want to admit that sometimes I eat a handful of chocolate chips, or drink a second cup of coffee, or put an extra slice of cheese in my mouth.  I don't want to count that glass of juice I drank.  In fact, I don't want to have to be accountable at all.  I just want to eat what I want to eat, and magically lose weight.  Without revealing that I'm not as "good" at dieting as I want to believe.

Demon #3 - Eating Habits
Over the last few months, I've gradually slipped back into snacking mode.  While I agree that for many people, five small meals a day makes more sense, for me, five small meals becomes constant grazing.  I literally wander around with food in my hand all day long.  Instead of sitting at the table and eating at a sedate pace, I stand in front of the pantry or the fridge, downing a few crackers, a string cheese, a little bit of this and that.  My snacks add up to well over 500 calories a day, when I'm being honest and aware about it.  Not only that, but most of the time, I snack without thought, and without enjoyment.  My snacking has become a habit that continues even when I'm not hungry.  99% of the time, the snack is in my mouth before I've even closed the cupboard.  I need to eat three balanced meals a day - which means planning ahead, shopping smart, allowing time for cooking and eating and writing it all down.

Demon #4 - Food Choices
I'm making good choices, generally speaking.  But I tend to go heavy on the "white" flour items, and heavy on the whole-fat dairy, and skimp on lean proteins.  I always need more fruits and veggies.  Always.  And that requires planning, because really, I'm totally satisfied by a bowl of pasta with red sauce.  Who needs a salad?  (Hint: me.)  And again - the snacks add a lot of low-gratification, mindless calories.  I need to put food on my plate and appreciate each bite.  And I need to drink  more water.

Demon #5 - Conflicting Advice
Count calories.  Don't count calories.  Fat is bad.  Fat is good.  No carbs.  Good carbs.  Red meat!  No red meat.  Sugar bad!  Sugar fine. 

Here's the deal:  I'm a sucker for a persuasive argument.  And like many dieters, I want to believe that I've finally discovered The Magic Answer to all my woes.  You tell me that cabbage is the answer to my prayers, I'll try it.  I draw the line at diet drugs, and I'm done with crazy eating.  That said, however, I am working on eliminating refined sugars and flours from my diet.  One meal, one choice at a time.  Not because I believe it will make me magically thin, but because I believe it will correct some of my impulsive behaviors, and improve the health of my entire family.

Continue reading "Demons doesn't rhyme with lemons" »

Posted by Jenny at 6:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

I'm either congested and feeling like a horse kicked me in the face, or wired from stupid, stupid decongestants.  Waaaaah.

I have no appetite.  NONE.  It used to be that when I got sick, I was pleased by the lack of appetite, but now I'm aware that if I don't eat, I get really weird.  This last year has been such a journey in understanding what my body needs to function properly.  Nevermind the really slow weight loss - it is amazing to me how much of what I've discovered about myself this year is surprising to me.  I mean, I'm 34 years old.  You would think that I would have known some of this stuff already.

What I've learned so far:

Caffeine makes me crazy.
Sugar pretty much sets me up to be crazy.
Eating all fruit results in weight loss, but also?  The Crazy.
I can't bring certain foods into the house.  Ever. 
I'm chronically dehydrated, and need to constantly remind myself to drink water.
I actually don't like meat all that much, but I need to eat more protein. 
My kids will eat whole grain pastas without a backwards glance.  Who knew?
I need to journal.  And I hate it.
Exercise is really key, and I'm not getting enough.

Part of my recent frustration (and lack of journalling) is my unrelenting attitude problem.  I hate that I have to work so hard at this, and although I am funnelling all my frustration towards tackling this stalled out loss of mine, I can't help but feel a little backlash. 

FitDay is a fantastic resource, one that I will continue to use, but I have found myself compulsively playing with my day's food trying to achieve a certain balance of carbs to fat to protein, as well as jockeying around with serving sizes trying to make sure I'm not getting too much of any one thing and it is making me crazy.  I need to take a more relaxed approach to feeding myself and my family.  I need to realize that a perfect balance of daily nutrition ISN'T GOING TO HAPPEN.  More like a weekly balance.  There are only so many meals in a day, and so many foods in a meal and seriously...Aaaaaargh!

When you have a perfectionism streak (like mine, disfunctional though it is) you tend to want to do things either 100% or not at all.  You think to yourself: "I don't have time to exercise for an hour, so I'm just going to wait until I have the full amount of time."  or "I don't have all the ingredients I need for this dinner I had planned.  Screw it, I'm going to feed the kids McDonalds and skip dinner."

Life is full of perfection-killing obstacles.  There are bumps in every road you choose, and you have to either walk around, or take a running leap over.  You can't just stand there and wait for the bump to disappear. 

I've been standing around, waiting for the bump to disappear this week.  I've been bemoaning the state of my pantry, watching my mini-trampoline gathering dust, skipping meals from lack of appetite.  No more.  I'm pulling myself up and out of this funk. 

Posted by Jenny at 9:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

So, I've been grooving along, right?  Fruit, fruit, sensible dinner?

Yeah.  And then five minutes ago, I ate a handful of white chocolate chips without even thinking about it.  And then another handful.  And then I realized what I was doing, and cringed. 

Time to update ye olde FItDay journal.  Sigh.

My old friend, unthinking pantry-grazing demon, is in da house.  And I'm really having to be deliberate every time I open a cupboard or the fridge.  I hate having to think this hard.  I cannot tell you how many times I've reached into the cupboard to get some tea, or something for the kids, and suddenly found myself with my hand in a box of something.  It happens even when I'm not hungry.

It makes me want to scream.

Instead, I eat some more fruit, and drink some more water.  Coraspartan left a thoughtful comment on my last post, questioning all this fruit, and the hated papaya in particular.  For the next two weeks, I'm going to see how this fruit until five business works out. After that, who knows.  Why the papaya, if I hate it so much?  It has good enzymes that, combined with all the pineapple (and the watermelon tomorrow) are keeping things moving, if you get my drift.

See - I think I can safely say that I'm chronically dehydrated.  When I worked a desk job, I kept a giant glass of water at my side, and took great pleasure in repeated refillings and subsequent bathroom breaks.  Now that I'm rarely stationary for more than a few minutes, I'm just not mindful of it.  This has several effects that I'm none too thrilled about.  My face breaks out and peels simultaneously.  I have poop issues.  I eat when what I really need to do is drink some water.  I also get lethargic, and suffer from horrid headaches.

When I went on the Crazy Fruit Cleanse earlier this month, my face cleared up.  My poop issues disappeared.  I had no headaches, had crazy energy, and wasn't having cravings for junk food.

Weird, huh?  As soon as I went back onto "real" foods, I found that the lure of snacking was killing me.  I wanted more bread.  More crackers.  More starches of every kind.  And the reintroduction of dairy and meat and white starches lead to a massive breakout, headaches, and a whole bunch of constipation.

Boy, aren't you glad you're reading?  We should get sweatshirts made that say "I survived Big Slice's TMI attack."

Something is causing me to not feel very good.  So I decided that I'll try this fruit thing, eliminate most dairy for a few weeks, and see if that is the problem.  So far, so good.

This doesn't mean that I'm giving up dairy.  No.  Just...no.  But I can see that maybe, just maybe having whole milk in my coffee, plus cheese on anything that might taste good with a little shredded something-something on it, plus my love affair with greek yogurt, plus a recent bender with butter on everything could be contributing to my slow as molasses weight loss.  And plumbing.  (Ewww!  I know.)

It is finally dawning on me that there is no end in sight.  I'm really good with the lip-service.  Oh, yeah.  Lifestyle change good, diet bad.  Change your eating.  For life. 

*swoon*

There was another commenter on my last entry, sadly anonymous.  She points out that for some people to be thin, they really have to exercise a lot, and eat very little.

She thinks I might be one of those people, and I think she's right. 

Now the goal is to be happy about the eating very little part.  I'll admit, I've gotten a strange buzz off of putting my fork down after a small meal, patting my lips with a napkin and walking away from the table.  If I eat slowly, sitting down, I'm fine with small meals.  It is the countless unplanned trips to the pantry that are killing me.

Continue reading "Conquering Food Demons" »

Posted by Jenny at 8:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBacks (0)

I'm updating my sidebar with a section on my exercise streak - I'm on day five, and as soon as I'm done with this entry, I'm on the mini-trampoline for some crazy jumping.

Speaking of crazy jumping, yesterday I spent 45 minutes boinging away on the trampoline, watching reruns of What Not To Wear.  I swear, when I lose this weight, someone needs to turn me over to that show.  I would be the best show ever.  You should see me right now in my faded leggings and stretched out tshirt.  At least I finally colored my roots ;)

I'm also adding a section for daily food consumption.  I am determined to keep myself accountable for every bite that goes into my piehole gullet mouth.  This also means that I'll be reviving Small Slice... about time if you ask me. 

After returning to eating 'regular' foods, I'm up three pounds to 172.  I'm also suffering from headaches and heartburn again, something that I never struggled with over the days of fruit.  I am determined to get to the bottom of this, so that I can feel great all the time.

My blood tests revealed that I'm not deficient in any areas, and the threat of pre-diabetes has receded a bit.  Also, my thyroid is apparently still fine.  Must be stress that is causing my hair to fall out.  Big surprise there... luckily, I've taken big strides in unloading stress this last few months, so hopefully the hair loss will slow.

I've gone through a whole range of emotions this last week - the quick weight loss from the fruit cleanse made me greedy, and I toyed with the idea of diet pills, meal replacement shakes, super-low calorie plans and other craziness.  But what it comes down to is this - I don't want to eat crazy.  I want to learn how to eat moderately.  I don't want to take the pleasure out of meals - but I realize that I'm going to have to make some concessions.

Posted by Jenny at 7:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

Gah!  Sorry for being such a flaky blogger last week.  I'm much peppier this week, and looking forward to getting back to the business of losing weight at a snail's pace.  Because that, my friends, is what I am apparently all about.

I've got some questions for you all...

Since last year, but really dramatically this summer to right this minute, my hair has been thinning.  Now, granted, I've got a massive head of hair, and I've always been a shedder, but it is getting ridiculous.  We're talking a brush full of hair every time I brush, and a clogged drain every time I shower.  I've got an appointment with a doctor next week to see what he thinks might be the problem, and I'm staying away from WebMD because I will just freak myself out over all the possible things that might be causing this...

Has anyone else gone through this?  It's like that post-partum hair loss, except for six straight months. 

Then!  The scale has not moved.  In a month.  Except for the bloating that shot me up four pounds overnight.  What is up with that?  Is dramatic bloating something to worry about? 

Okay, enough of the hypochondriac questions.  Let me tell you about my progress!

*silence*

Ha!  I kid!  After a solid month of good arm workouts (with a few more days off that I was originally planning) I can totally feel my shoulder and bicep muscles when I flex, and my triceps are there, if hiding.  I'll attempt photos this afternoon.  And then there's the whole calorie awareness thing... I've been pretty successful in keeping my portions small, and my choices healthy.  I'm actually growing pleasantly hungry as mealtime nears, which is a good thing.  It feels like my body is letting me know that I'm not over-eating at meals, and I'm not tempted to skip a meal because of overeating at the last meal.

Wow, how many times did I use the word "meal?"

Onward, my friends.  I'll post my arm photos and dinner menu for the week tonight. 

Posted by Jenny at 11:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (12) | TrackBacks (0)

Well, I've been journaling my food today:

Breakfast - 1 tall pumpkin spice latte on the run to the pumpkin patch with the preschool.  360 calories
Lunch - Chopped pecan chicken leftover from dinner over a bed of lettuce, with 1 cup cubed sweet potatoes.  460 calories

So far, so good, right?

But then I picked the kids up from school and they were starving, so we dropped by KFC for some popcorn chicken before gymnastics.  I ate a handful of the stuff.  I estimate 200 calories worth.

I also ate four strawberries (25 calories), a 6 oz glass of orange juice (113 calories) and three bottles of water. 

This is why I loathe counting calories.  And also, likely why I'm not losing weight.  I'm at 1200 calories before I even add in dinner.  I'm having a cup of soup and small salad.  And water. 

Damn snacks.  I didn't need the KFC - I was full from lunch.  The Pumpkin Spice Latte?  Total waste of calories. 

I hate journaling.  I hate paying attention.  But apparently, I'm not "as good" as I think I am.  So I'll continue to jot down every bite that crosses my lips for the next week.

According to Mistress Krista - in order to reduce my over-all weight, I am going to have to consume around 1500 calories a day, max.  That means I really really really need to eliminate the crap, and focus on eating the foods that make the most sense for my goals.

Real foods.  Natural foods.  In moderation.

Posted by Jenny at 6:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

Remember how I was all about being motivated, and excited that I was losing weight?  Remember?

I stepped on the scale to an ugly 170 this morning, and I haven't exercised in a week.  I've been blaming it on my never-ending cold.  I truly haven't had the energy to work up a good sweat.  Plus, sweat = ew.

Seeing those unhappy numbers this morning reminded me that I am going to have to work at this.  I need to get up offa mah buttocks and move.  I've got to really pay attention to my food intake, especially when I'm around the house all day.  And I've got to trust that my body really does want to lose this weight. 

I'm going to take the dog for a long walk this evening, and get my heart rate up.  And I'm going to evaluate the dinner options once again - I think it's a soup and salad night, instead of grilled cheese. 

This is where it gets challenging for me - I see some moderate success, and then I get sick, or busy, or embark on a PMS bender, and I lose sight of the plan.  I won't do it this time.  I've had a rough week.  Okay.  I still don't want to be fat.  I still have to get back on the plan.

I still have to eat small but well, and move my booty.  Aaaargh.

I've added a couple of recent dinners to Small Slice - and I'll be uploading more.  I think I need to do all meals for a while again - it is really a good way to keep myself honest.  (Not that I'm not honest most of the time, but I've been slipping on the low-carb thing, and behold, my weight loss has ceased.  I curse you, carbohydrate temptations!)

How are you all doing?

Posted by Jenny at 4:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

The worst part of school lunches is bringing snack-type foods into the house again.  All summer long, I've been able to avoid buying salty snacks in bags, unless they were part of a planned meal.  But the kids love to take crackers and cheese, and they love those Snap Pea Crisp things, and fruit leather and meringue cookies...

I'm at home with a kitchen full of forbidden foods once again.  And no one would be the wiser if I took a handful of crackers out of the box right?  Or a few meringue cookies?  Those don't count, do they - the package says "fat-free" and all...

I've decided that I'm NOT going to fall victim to an open box of crackers again.  I eat at mealtimes, not in between.  Well, mostly.  Ssssh.

So here's my new strategy.  I buy the snacks I want to send in lunches, and then I spend half an hour dividing the packages of snacks into baggies, which I load into a large tupperware box and put high in the pantry, where I would have to make an effort to actually get at them.

The kids have also been loving mini-bagels with cream cheese, so I go ahead and make up the entire package of bagels with cream cheese (one brick of cheese covers 13 mini-bagels nicely) and bag those individually, too.  I toss those in the fridge.  I buy one-get-one-free eggs all the time, so I'll take one dozen and hard-boil them, while I'm dividing up snacks.  Then I'll mark each one with an "H" in crayon before loading them back into their carton and putting the whole thing back in the fridge.

As I've mentioned, I have been enjoying "fancy eggs" in the morning - on shopping day, I chopped one sweet onion, one green pepper and one red pepper, and scooped them into a container for the fridge.  I pre-grated some cheese too, so when I want my eggs, I can just open up the fridge, grab the pre-chopped and pre-grated stuff and get cooking.  I've been adding some freshly minced parsley too, which has been delicious.

Now - let's talk salads for a minute.  As some of you know, I asked the Mom Network's question of the week - I wanted to know "What's for dinner?"  There were some fantastic menus mentioned in the responses - and also some great questions.  Brenda L. asked if I had some ideas for salads.  She's trying to eat more fruits and veggies, and is getting tired of the same ole same ole. 

One of my favorite ways to get more veggies is to broil peppers, red onion, small red potatoes, eggplant, zucchini, even sliced corn on the cob and toss together.  I drizzle them with olive oil, and toss on some fresh herbs and add some garlic cloves.  I love it when they get all caramelized and fragrant. 

My dear readers - help me out here:  tell me your favorite salads and creative fruits and veggies ideas... 

Posted by Jenny at 4:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (12) | TrackBacks (0)

I've received a couple of requests for tips to stay motivated on the way down the scale.  I've got ten suggestions that may help:

1) Choose an eating plan that isn't going to be a royal pain-in-the-patootie to follow. 

My personal rule on this is that I'm not going to cook two different dinners every night.  I try to include at least one food that is 'kid-friendly' in every meal, but they eat what I eat - no more Chef Boyardee or Neon Orange Mac and Cheese. 

Also, I was miserable trying to count points and calories and fat grams... I chose The Fat Fallacy because it is more relaxed on the actual structure of the eating plan.  Which leads me to number two:

2) Diets are for the short term.  Lifestyle changes, including daily exercise, a healthier diet and smaller portions, are long term solutions. 

Diets sort of suck.  I mean, you can really and truly lose weight, but what happens when you do?  If you lose all the weight, or some of the weight - but you've been eating in a way that is going to be difficult to maintain for the rest of your life, you're not going to be motivated to keep eating that way.  You don't become thin and lose your taste for cheesecake - so either you have to learn to eat in moderation, and deal with stress in another non-food related way, or you're going to be dealing with some backsliding. 

3) Get yourself a set of eating rules to live by, and post them on your fridge.

When I was thin, I had these unwritten rules that I lived by that helped me monitor the portion sizes I ate, the types of food I ordered in restaurants, and the exchanges I would allow.  For example, an ice cream cone was fine, if I took a walk on my lunch break.  I always had a salad before a meal, and planned to take half of my entree portion home.

My rules now:  A serving of protein at breakfast.  A salad for lunch.  No sodas.  One glass of juice a day.  Three meals, no snacks.  I shoot for 8 servings of veggies and 2 of fruit a day.  I fail on this, a lot.  But when I'm reaching into the fridge to make dinner, I try to pull out a veggie in every color I have.

4) Change the way you grocery shop - have a plan.

I really started packing on the pounds when I first lived with my husband.  He grew up on Hamburger Helper and canned chili over rice, Spaghettios and Mac and Cheese.  We'd eat these giant plates of these boxed entrees and maybe a single vegetable on the side.  I gained about 30 pounds that first year.

I used to go into the store without a plan.  I'd just wander down the middle aisles of the store, tossing packages of side dishes and boxes of entrees into the cart.  Now, I plan out my menu for the week, make a detailed shopping list, and since I'm not shopping for mixes or kits, I find that my shopping rarely takes me into the middle aisles.  I spend most of my time in the produce section and the dairy case, with quick stops at the bakery and meat counter. 

5) Change the way you cook.

Instead of relying on nutritionally bankrupt kits and mixes, try fixing some real foods in a simple way.  Cooking doesn't have to involve hours and big bucks.  Take a look at my Small Slice album to see what kinds of foods we eat around here.

6) Add in some exercise that makes you smile.

We all know that we are supposed to be ''feeling the burn when we workout.  For full-figured women like myself, it doesn't take much to go straight past burn into meltdown.  I hate sweating.  I hate hurting.  And I hate any exercise that makes me do either. 

But here's what I've learned about myself:  I am a lousy runner.  But I love to walk.  I'm  horrible at lap swimming, but I love to flip around and pretend I'm a synchronized swimmer or a mermaid.  I would rather die than do aerobics - unless it is some corny offshoot like Cardio Striptease.  I like to play, rather than work. 

Here's the other thing - working out, or playing hard, it makes me a nicer person.  It burns off some of the frustration I carry around from parenting, it gets all those lovely endorphins rushing around, and it allows me to laugh.  I laugh because I can't get the steps right.  I laugh because my kids are delighted at my mermaid impressions.  I laugh because I'm not focusing on the end of the 20 minute tape, or the last mile I need to walk.  I'm laughing because I'm having fun.

You don't get a medal for suffering through boring workouts.  Find something that sounds like fun, and get busy.  Netflix rents fitness DVDs.  There are all sorts of cheap or free exercise classes through local recreation and parks departments.  Heck, just go to the park with your kids, and do whatever they do for an hour.  You'll be amazed at the fun you're having, and the quality workout you get.  And if you don't like something, try something else.

7) Blog it.

I know that blogging is new to a lot of people, and can be scary.  Few women would willingly talk about their weight loss plans online, right?  WRONG.  Check out the Fat Fighters directory in my sidebar.  Do a Google search.  You'll see that there is a huge community of bloggers who are cheering each other on, and sharing their progress. 

Feeling fat, isolated and depressed can make it difficult to reach out to people in your own community.  Our own families are often unable to motivate us to make the life changes we really want to make.  Having a place to record your thoughts, connect with other people who face similar challenges, and build a community of your own is invaluable for those of us who don't have a support system in real life.

The internet is a fantastic place to find support, information and friendship.  Free blogs are available through www.blogspot.com and a zillion other sites. 

8) Appreciate who you are today.

There is a lot of self-loathing that goes on in the head of a dieter.  Many of us eat for entertainment, or as a coping mechanism.  We become angry with ourselves for letting ourselves gain weight.  We often don't take the time we should with our appearance.   What does it matter, right?

If you are dragging around in pants that are two sizes too small, or two sizes too big, or stretched out men's teeshirts, or constantly wearing yoga pants or sweats, here's my advice:  take a friend who will be honest, and go shopping.  You need to have a couple of fresh outfits that fit you and flatter you at your current weight.  It doesn't have to cost a fortune - just a new pair of jeans and a few fresh teeshirts can be enough to change your whole outlook.

Respect yourself now, or you'll never have the strength to keep on keeping on with your diet.  Forgive yourself for being heavy, let go of the anger, and allow yourself to move forward. 

9) Expect some failure.

Rules were made to be broken, and sometimes you just need some cheesecake.  If you fall off the dieting wagon, never fear.  Once you surface from your sugar-coma, acknowledge that you overdid it, and take note of how your body feels.    That sluggish feeling that follows overeating isn't a good one.  Rather than punishing  yourself with more overeating, or a drastically sparse day featuring only iceberg lettuce, take a deep breath and go back to the planned menu. 

If you spiral out of control on vacation, or if stress causes you to lose control, remember that they don't crown winners for losing weight, nor is anyone keeping score to make sure that you never step out of bounds.  Take a deep breath, and start again. 

10) Set small goals and celebrate each one.

When you have lots of weight to lose, the thought of all those pounds can discourage even the peppiest of optimists.  Trust me.  I'm three months into this, and I've only lost 8 pounds.  It's frustrating me to the extreme. 

When I reach 10 pounds lost, I'm going to get a massage.  I am not focusing on the whole 50 pounds - I've got two pounds to go, and then I'll work on that next ten. 

These are just a few of the ways I try to keep myself on track.  I'd love to hear some of your tips for staying motivated when you are working towards a weight loss goal.

Posted by Jenny at 4:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

...The tough probably do something about it, unlike me.  I spent most of yesterday feeling shell-shocked and whiny.  I made falafel and salad for dinner, and about 3 bites in, I didn't feel half as bad as I thought.  By the time I was finished with dinner, I was mellowed out and able to think clearly.

This week, I'm going to put myself in remedial eating school, because I've been sliding backwards with my eating - not in portion sizes, but in every other area.  It is affecting me both physically and emotionally. 

The thing about my hissy-fit tantrum misunderstanding pig photo taking breakdown this weekend is that it is completely out of character.  I am, at least 99% of the time, comfortable in my own skin.  I assume that people like me.  I don't feel judged or secondary to my pants size.  I go about my business and don't take myself too seriously. 

Yet, my husband makes a random comment and I go off the deep-end about it.  Suddenly I'm the 1000 pound pig in a box, a side-show attraction.  Could my mismanaged eating and sporadic exercise be the cause of this sudden attitude change?

I'm thinking it can.  Here's why -

I've been focusing a large part of my diet on processed grains and dairy fats.  I've reintroduced caffeine to my diet, near-daily.  I haven't been eating my daily salad for lunch, and my breakfasts have either been skipped, or contain no protein.  My dinners have been okay, but the focus has been on the pasta, the potatoes, the rice... with balance, this would be fine.  I am out of balance.

Continue reading "When The Going Gets Tough..." »

Posted by Jenny at 8:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

A great way to avoid eating everything on your plate is this:

• Fill your plate with yummy dinner.

• Place the plate on the seat of your dining chair so that you can photograph it for your silly little online album.  You are short, see, unlike the lovely and talented Tracy of Picture This, so you find that you get better shots if the subject is lower than table height.

• Realize that the camera is in the other room.  Go get it.

• Return to see your dog scarfing up your carefully proportioned plate. 

Well, then.  That was simple!  You can't eat what has already disappeared, can you?

Lucky for me, I hadn't passed out all the food, and was able to put together another plate for myself.
Damn dog.

Posted by Jenny at 8:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I'm sitting here typing away with a stack of three Thin Mints cookies sitting near my elbow.  They've been sitting there since earlier this evening when my husband helpfully brought them to me.  I haven't decided whether or not to eat them.  I certainly haven't eaten much else today.

I have a confession to make.  I am really struggling with getting back with the flow of my schedule.  There is a chaos to my days, and it interferes with eating well.  I've fallen back into the habit of feeding the kids, with the intention of feeding myself at a leisurely pace after they've lost interest.  What ends up happening is that I end up skipping meals.

Surprise, surprise.  I'm not losing weight because my body is hoarding calories.

I have another confession.  I just ate one of the cookies.  Mmmmm.

It has been at least a week since I had my regular burst of daily exercise, too.  I am seeing a dramatic shift in my moods, and my abililty to bounce back.  Earlier this year, I was struggling mightily to keep myself level.  I was alternating between frustration and apathy over many of the important tasks I should take pride in.  Suspecting seasonal depression, my parents suggested that I see a doctor and find out what I should do.

Continue reading "3-2-1" »

Posted by Jenny at 10:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (15) | TrackBacks (0)

I know, I know.  I promised a contest... it is at the bottom of the entry.  Read on down, and find out how to play.

Somehow, despite the poor eating and the disorderly exercise over these last five days, I've managed to lose another pound.  I'm not going to question it.  I'm just going to do a happy little dance, and celebrate reaching 175.  Woo hoo!  That leaves me with six pounds to lose before BlogHer to reach my goal for my Month of Motivation.  Le me see, I've got 16 days to do it...I"m thinking it is doable.

I loaded the three kids up today and took them swimming at our pool.  We have a nice little pool for our homeowners association, and before today, I've always been terrified of taking my three houligans with no other adult to help.  Because, let's face it, taking three daredevil children with varying degrees of swimming ability to the pool, and then having fat issues on top of it all - it's not a really enticing idea. 

After our vacation in Florida, where I saw that no matter how you look at it, there is always going to be someone hotter than you, and someone who has even more weight to lose than you, and that is just the way it is.  In a sea of vacationing families, I blended into the crowd.  Gratefully, I might add.  Until I creamed my knee, and then I was a little conspicuous with the %&@^%#&% and blood and all.  Hah!

So, anyway, if I can bare my Big Slice swimskirted butt at a waterpark, I figured my neighbors could just deal.  And you know what?  No one gasped in horror as I strolled toward the pool.  No one averted their eyes, or made oinking noises.  Everyone was busy enjoying their own afternoon at the pool, with their own children. 

This just in:  I'm NOT the center of the universe!  I know.  I'm shocked, too.

After swimming around for an hour, we headed home to make dinner.  I know, next week - I'll make a real menu.  This week, I'm sort of scrounging around, using up things in my pantry.  I made a yummy pasta with a jack cheese-white sauce, with steamed broccoli and cauliflower and canned turkey meat (that I don't remember purchasing, but whatever) stirred in.  The kids ate it up, and had slices of watermelon for dessert, while I chowed down on half an avocado and two saturn peaches along with my serving of the pasta.

Have you tried saturn peaches?  They are the ones that look like they've been smushed.  If you can get them, give them a try.  They are amazing.

I'm going to do my PM Yoga DVD before I turn in, and start my day with AM Yoga in the morning.  I am shocked at how non-limber my body has become over the last few years...one day, one sun salutation at a time.  I also managed 10 boy pushups, but my stupid, stupid pectoral muscles are girlie and sad, and it is going to take me weeks before I can manage the 50 that Steph is waiting on. 

So!  Contest!  Here goes...

In The Fat Fallacy - Dr. Clower has these great quizzes in the beginnings of each chapter.  He lists the ingredients in a common food item, and gives a few hints to help readers guess what he's talking about.  Sound tough?  Take a look below - each of these five foods are popular, well-known brands found in supermarkets across the country.  Even more important - these foods are billed as Healthy Choices by their companies. 

Here's the challenge:  name these foods.  Leave me a comment with your answers, and I'll choose winners on Saturday morning.
 
1)  Heavily marketed to kids, this product has 50% less sugar than the original - yet still comes in at 13 grams of sugar for a single serving. 

Ingredients: WATER, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP AND 2% OR LESS OF EACH OF THE FOLLOWING: CONCENTRATED JUICES (ORANGE, TANGERINE, APPLE, LIME, GRAPEFRUIT), CITRIC ACID, MALIC ACID, ASCORBIC ACID (VITAMIN C), THIAMIN HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B1), NATURAL FLAVORS, MODIFIED CORNSTARCH, CANOLA OIL, SODIUM CITRATE, CELLULOSE GUM, XANTHAN GUM, SUCRALOSE, ACESULFAME POTASSIUM, NEOTAME, SODIUM HEXAMETAPHOSPHATE, SODIUM BENZOATE TO PROTECT FLAVOR, YELLOW #5, YELLOW #6.

2) This 'healthy' entry is a favorite of dieters who like a little something with their pie - or, you know, to eat straight out of the tub.

Ingredients: WATER, CORN SYRUP, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, HYDROGENATED VEGETABLE OIL (COCONUT AND PALM KERNEL OILS), LESS THAN 2% OF SODIUM CASEINATE (FROM MILK), NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR, MODIFIED FOOD STARCH, XANTHAN AND GUAR GUMS, POLYSORBATE 60, SORBITAN MONOSTEARATE, SODIUM POLYPHOSPHATES, BETA CAROTENE (COLOR).

3) This is one of those head-scratchers... why is all this stuff in here?  Natural food varieties have two ingredients.  TWO.  Also, Dr. Clower points out that Zinc Oxide is the stuff in diaper ointment - which hello...suspiciously close to DOG CRAP.

Ingredients: PEANUTS, CORN SYRUP SOLIDS, SUGAR AND SOY PROTEIN, CONTAINS 2 PERCENT OR LESS OF: FULLY HYDROGENATED VEGETABLE OILS (GRAPESEED AND SOYBEAN), SALT, MONO- AND DIGLYCERIDES, MOLASSES, NIACINAMIDE, FOLIC ACID, PYRIDOXINE HYDROCHLORIDE, MAGNESIUM OXIDE, ZINC OXIDE, FERRIC ORTHOPHOSPHATE, AND COPPER SULFATE.

4) Mmm.  Phosphoric acid and aspartame.  Now, that's healthy!  But hey, no calories!

Ingredients: Carbonated water, caramel color, aspartame, phosphoric acid, potassium benzoate       (preserves freshness), caffeine, citric acid and natural flavors.

5) This is another dieter's favorite, perfect for one of those low-points sweet fixes.  But what IS it?

Ingredients: MODIFIED FOOD STARCH, COCOA PROCESSED WITH ALKALI, MALTODEXTRIN, TETRASODIUM PYROPHOSPHATE AND DISODIUM PHOSPHATE (FOR THICKENING), CONTAINS LESS THAN 2% OF NONFAT MILK, NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR, SALT, SOY LECITHIN, CALCIUM SULFATE, XANTHAN GUM, MONO- AND DIGLYCERIDES (PREVENT FOAMING), ASPARTAME AND ACESULFAME POTASSIUM (SWEETENERS), RED 40, YELLOW 5, BLUE 2, ARTIFICIAL COLOR.

Alright - get to answering!  I've got some great prizes for this round, so guess away.

Posted by Jenny at 11:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (20) | TrackBacks (0)

You know what is the best thing ever?  Starting a new workout plan that insists that on the first day, you rest.  That was my yesterday.  I walked around, shooting my mouth off about how "I'm on Day One of my new training program, yes, that's right, I'm going to run a half-marathon."

Day One = REST.  Totally awesome.

Today, however, was Day Two.  The task - run 1.5 miles. 

In all my bragging yesterday, my friend Kim (Yes, Dog-Crap Analogy Kim) caught wind of what I'm up to, and insisted that she, too, is going to run a half-marathon.  Well.  That girl is always one-upping me.  First the monkey bars, and NOW the half-marathon? 

Actually, we decided to meet and run laps around the park while our two youngest played.  We figured out that we needed to run around the park path 6 times to get our distance.  It would be an exercise and play-date!  Lookie at us multitaskers! 

We decided to drive to the park, because we figured we wouldn't want to walk home after.  This was a good call - but not because we were too tired.  See, no one asked the toddlers what they would enjoy doing on a lovely Tuesday morning.  My youngest was okay with it.  Sort-of.  Kim's son barricaded himself in the van, and refused to come out and play. 

With some slight of hand, and a well-timed grab, we got him out, and brought him to the picnic bench.  Then we did some pathetic, self-conscious stretches, and I took off for my first few laps.  After the first lap, my three-year-old joined in.  She trotted just ahead of me, setting a good pace, and yelled encouragement back to me. 

"Come on, Mommy!  You can do it!"

I puffed back to the picnic bench after three laps, and Kim did her first three looking like a champ.  The kids and I stood along the walk and cheered for her as she cruised into lap three.  My daughter joined Kim on one of her laps, too.  Who needs a personal trainer?  My three-year-old is totally up for the job.

I had a solid fourth lap, and then my shins started to ache.  Knowing that I had horseback riding lessons in an hour, and I would be needing my legs, I used that as a lame (I know, it was lame) excuse not to finish my last two laps.  While I did some more awkward and self-conscious stretching, Kim trotted around the park three more times.  She kicked my hiney, man.  Again. 

While Kim made her way around the path, I corralled the two little monsters into my van for a private viewing of SpongeBob on our portable DVD player.  You know, I used to scoff at the moms with the DVD players in the car.  That's why it has windows, I said.  Kids get too much TV already, they don't need no stinkin' movies in the car, too, said I.  Then we got one for our upcoming trip and I owe lots of moms a big apology and maybe a gift certificate to NetFlix.  Best. Invention. Ever.  EVER.

Oh!  And in further Kim News - she witnessed me making it all the way across the monkey bars at the school!  I did it!  I did it!  My arms didn't fall off!  Want to know the secret? 

Here it is:  If you hang 179 pounds of woman off of two stumpy, non-callused hands, you are not going to be able to do it.  You can't just hang.  You have to start off swinging. 

So, Kim and I will meet again for a rematch on Thursday.  We've got two toddlers, six laps, and bragging rights riding on the outcome.  Provided we can even walk on Thursday.  Heh.

I'm also down one pound to 178.  This is tedious - but I think I know what the problem is.

Ready for the bad news? 

I haven't been eating hardly anything.  I haven't been cooking hardly anything.  I knew when I decided to take on Fat Fallacy as my lifestyle guide, I would have a hard time with scheduling.  But this last week and a half has kicked my sore buttocks all over  the place.

I won't eat unless I'm able to sit down and appreciate the food I'm eating.  I won't eat in the car, nor in front of the computer.  Not in front of the TV either.  I need about 30 minutes, three times a day, just for eating.  And I'm not finding it.

With the last week of school festivities in full swing, I've been galloping from one place to the next, leaving the house before 8 am and often not returning until after 5 pm.  I'm attending field trips, driving from school to stable to store to school again with no pitstops at home.  I've skipped breakfast AND lunch for the last four days.  This has resulted in really low energy and no interest in cooking a real dinner.  Add in the fact that my husband is on a business trip, and I'm preparing for a week-long vacation with the three kids and a cross-country flight, and you've got a recipe for diet disaster.

Tonight, I ate a Happy Meal.  It was gross.

I'm thinking at bare minimum, I need to eat a protein rich breakfast.  I hate to shovel the food in, but this wishful thinking that my schedule is going to miraculously allow me time to eat, while contemplating the texture and aroma of each bite, is delusional.  Especially this week, when all the planets have aligned, keeping me from having any free time.

I'm not allowing my body to get the nutrients it needs, and it's affecting my potential weight loss.  I need to find the time to eat.  I need to slow down. 

I have this weird, illogical perfectionism streak.  It tells me that I shouldn't take up exercise if I can't do it right. It tells me that I know the "right way" to eat now, and by golly, I'm going to do it that way.  I'm not giving myself the space to be flexible.  I mean, I know I don't want to mindlessly eat in the car, or shovel handfuls of cereal straight from the pantry, but to forgo eating because I can't do it "right" is crazy.  But that's what I've been doing.  And it isn't working out.

Balance.  I'm seeking balance. 

Posted by Jenny at 9:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (19) | TrackBacks (0)

I weighed in. (Duh duh dun.)  Here we are in week four and I'm...

179.  Whoooopie. 

So, let's recap for all you newcomers who are just dropping by for the first time.  I started at 179.  I promptly gained two pounds.  181.  Sheesh.

Then!  I lost A POUND.  As in one. A single pound.  But it was "that time" of the month, so okay, I stayed away from the scale.  Until today.

I'm back where I started, folks.  That number better start going down, or I'm going to have to do something drastic.  Like, um, something.  Drastic.  Or something.

I'm trying to keep a good attitude here.  I'm cooking healthy meals for myself and my family. I've cut way down on my portions, and I'm exercising and having fun.  For example, today at my three-year-old's Orff class, I spent an hour shaking my booty with a silver streamer-clad shaker in each hand.  I stomped and jumped and twirled.  I rocked that class. 

I was doing my patented train move at one point.  It goes like this: Chugga chugga chugga chugga ding ding. I used to bust this one out when I was a toddler apparently.  You sort of groove along, moving your hands at your sides like you are running and shrugging your shoulders and then when you get to the ding ding part?  You kick out to one side.  Twice.  Once for each ding.  Oh yeah, that is some fancy stuff.  I impressed all the toddlers. I think I missed my calling as a choreographer.

I just want some instant results, and I'm not getting them, damn it.  Tomorrow morning, I'm picking up my marathon-running, opera-singing, black-belt-in-tae-kwon-shut-yo-mouth sister after I drop the two big kids at school, and we're storming the opening of the Athleta factory warehouse sale.  I'm fixin' to get some new skorts, and maybe some tank tops that wick, because I am not the delicate flower I would like to pretend, and sweat is icky. 

Oh, and people, I need some help.  I was IN LOVE with Bliss Spa's antiperspirant "Underarmy" and now it is discontinued and I want to weep giant crocodile tears.  I need a good antiperspirant, because a deodorant alone doesn't thrill me.  Help me find a good one for my sensitive underarms, I beg of you.

Let's talk for a minute about skorts.  How I love skorts!  They hide a multitude of sins.  Specifically, the sins wrought by my chubby thighs seizing the hems of any shorts I put on and inching them step by step up into my crotch.  This leaves me taking two steps and then hopping awkwardly, hoping to dislodge the bunched up fabric.  Chugga chugga chugga chugga ding ding! So not cute.

The only solution I've found is to either always wear long pants, or wear shorts and suffer.  I mean, I could wear a skirt, but (I can't believe I'm saying this, sigh) my thighs chafe if I walk too much and sweat.  That is, until I discovered the almighty skort.  My favorites have a spandex-y bike short built in under the skirt, which halts the thigh action.  But even with a regular pair of shorts underneath a skirt, who can tell you've got half a yard of fabric balled up in your bidness.   Who knows?  Who cares?  You're walking weird, but still looking jaunty because your skort has you covered. 

So I'm off on a mission for cheap skort deals, and I've been given the green light to shop in the Barbie-sized clothes to try and find some very specific cuts and colors and fabrics for my buddy Mir, who is doing the Boston 3-day pretty quick here.  Between Mir's darling, baby-sized dimensions and my petite sister, I am going to have a great time pawing through the S selections, before I wander over to the XL racks. 

I've got my camera back up and running, and I've posted the last few dinners in the Small Slice album over there to the left.  I need to step up and do some of these fitness challenges.  Which, by the way, I'm still accepting new challenges.   Leave me a comment with a double-dog-dare to do something you'd not only like to read about, but you'd love to see a photo essay on.  I'm going to start knocking these out this weekend.  Be afraid.  Be very afraid. 

I'm building a "team" of fellow diet and exercise hot mamas to have some fun.  If you want to join up, send me an email and I'll add your link.  The more the merrier!  Be sure to pop over and say hello to Mel at The Amazing Shrinking Mom - she's doing fantastic on her diet, and inspires me daily.

Posted by Jenny at 10:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (14) | TrackBacks (0)

Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned.  I have not replaced the batteries in my digital camera since Saturday night, and you have missed out on some spectacular examples of Dinners That Are Totally Not On The Diet.  I have also stalled on getting going with my Strip Tease Aerobics DVD, but I promise to share my uh, moves.  I've been stalling about getting back on the scale, but I am doing it tomorrow morning after my weekend of diet debauchery. 

It would totally serve me right if the numbers have climbed.  I mean, let's take Sunday for example.  I had a chocolate donut for breakfast, hot chocolate at the ice skating rink as a reward for towing my three-year-old around for an hour and a half, and then topped it off with a giant slice of pizza for lunch.  I mean giant as in as large as my head.  And I have a huge head.  I didn't eat dinner, because I was so full from the giant pizza.

(Tonight?  I feasted on a barbecued hot dog and baked beans, corn on the cob, three-bean salad and potato chips.  I would hang my head in shame, but it was good and I didn't stuff myself, and besides, it's hard to type with your chin on your chest.  I'm just sayin'.)

This healthy eating is easy for me, as an individual, but my family...let's just say they are fighting it a bit.  Oh, okay.  A lot.  They want "fun food" and "easy food."   

I've been feeling quite victorious about eating smaller meals, and eliminating snacks. However, it has dawned on me that I am still mindlessly munching while I cook.  I sample everything, and all those little tastes and nibbles add up.  No wonder I'm not very hungry when I sit down to eat.  I'm using small plates, but I'm probably still eating double what I should be eating, volume-wise.

My mission for this week is to eliminate the sampling and taste-testing.  The food crosses my lips when I sit in front of my plate.  Not before, and not after.  This might give me a twitching eye from all the effort it will take me.  Hey, I wonder if that will burn calories?

So!  Monday is our menu day here at Big Slice of Life, Small Slice of Cheesecake.  I've decided to make this a "fun finger food" week to encourage the kids to linger and chat during the meal.  I belatedly remembered that this makes me like the Cher character in Mermaids.  That's actually pretty funny, don't you think? 

So!  Without futher ado, here's some fun food for week three:

Tuesday:  Grilled cheese sandwiches, salad, cream of broccoli soup and fruit  ( mini croissants, split and topped with cheddar cheese, broiled until bubbly, green salad and cream of broccoli soup with sliced apples.

Wednesday: Spanikopita, veggies and ranch dip, sliced fruit (phylo dough and butter wrapped around spinach, water chestnuts and feta cheese, accented with oregano and parsley and seasoned with paprika, sliced carrots and celery and jicama and whatever else with ranch dip and sliced melon.)

Thursday: veggie potstickers, shrimp cocktail, cucumber rounds with dill dip (Cabbage, carrot, celery, extra-firm tofu, soy sauce, in samosa dough steamed, with shrimp cocktail and sliced cucumber served with plain yogurt flavored with fresh dill.)

Friday: Shish-kebabs - chicken, veggies over rice with watermelon (Skewered and grilled chicken, veggies -  mushrooms, peppers, onion, whatever else and steamed brown rice, served with sliced watermelon.)

Saturday: Homemade cheese pizza, tossed salad, sliced fruit (homemade pizza dough, topped with fresh tomato, sliced summer squash and feta cheese, served with a tossed salad and sliced fruit.)

Sunday:  Falafel pitas, avocado and tomato salad, tomato soup (falafel balls, served in a whole wheat pita with lettuce and avocado and tomato salad, with a cup of tomato soup.)

Monday:  Turkey meatballs, garlic bread, roasted zucchini and peppers (Ground turkey, finely diced celery and carrot, parsley, oats, egg and soy sauce, pan roasted and served with garlic bread and roasted veggies.)

Tuesday: Nachos with refried beans and jicama salad (Tortilla chips, topped with shredded cheese, salsa, sour cream, avocados and refried beans and served with a jicama and lemon salad.)

As always, if you have any questions about this menu, or ideas you'd like to share, leave me a comment or email me at bigslicejenny@gmail.com.

Posted by Jenny at 10:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (0)

Last night, my husband and three children joined my friend Kim and her husband and children at their house for a good-bye party for a long-time friend who is moving to Oregon.  This is a wonderful, positive move for her young family, and we are excited for them.

However, as we sat around in the cooling evening air, sipping margaritas and watching the kids play, we bemoaned the fact that we haven't done more spontaneous get-togethers over the last few years.  It seems like the swirl of daily life and the ages of our children have kept us apart, even as we patted ourselves on the back for staying close to one another.

I was responsible for bringing the food, and I provided a healthy, fresh spread that even the kids enjoyed.  We nibbled and drank, and drank and nibbled.  It felt good to just relax and not worry about whether or not I was 'being bad'  - I was not over eating, and I was enjoying fresh, real foods at a leisurely pace.  That's they way it should be, all the time.

Just like trying to get together with my friends and their families (and relax, rather than chase my kids all over the place) or enjoying a sedate, relaxing meal, I find that exercise is something that I've either avoided, or rushed through, with no sense of enjoyment. 

I used to scarf my food.  I spent social gatherings racing around after my kids, unable to finish a conversation.  I gave up trying to exercise because I couldn't make the time to do it alone, the way I wanted to.

The Fat Fallacy really emphasizes that we should be eating leisurely meals as a family.  Ha!  Ha ha ha!  My children laugh in the face of leisure.  They feel that all conversation should either be about them, or about the things they want to discuss.  They, too, have learned to eat quickly and scamper away from the table.  This eating together, and enjoying it, has been a huge challenge for my family, one that we are not winning.

But no more.  This week, I'm going to start treating meal times like a party.  We'll gather, nibble, converse, drink, circulate between courses - in short, we're going to enjoy ourselves.   I think this week's menu will be light, appetizer fare, paired with simple salads and entrees that don't require a lot of cooking. 

I'm also going to try to step up my daily activities to make them more active.  More energy, more enthusiasm...more fun.  The kids inspire me with their imaginative play and willingness to scramble over every rock, curb and post in our path.  I'm going to follow their lead, and see how I do this week. 

Keep the exercise challenges coming!  I've just received the Strip Tease Workout from NetFlix, and will be giving it a spin tomorrow.  Photos WILL follow.

Heaven help us all.
 

Posted by Jenny at 3:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

There was a time, a few years ago, when I was lifting weights several times a week.  I had built up my strength quite a bit, and was feeling proud of my little girly muscles.  Even though they were hidden under a generous layer of fat, I knew they were there.  I could feel them, and I felt strong.

Flash forward to now:  I unearthed my old exercise journal, and saw the weights and number of reps that I was doing, and thought that I could just pick right back up. 

Uh. No.

I'm having to start over, almost from the beginning again.  I feel vaguely disappointed in myself - surely those muscles are still there, right?  It feels like I should be able to just start again, and be able to lift that same weight, the same number of times.  Since that's not the case, I'm just going to put aside that training journal, and begin again. 

This is the training routine I'm going to be doing: Mistress Krista's All Dumbells, All the Time.

If you haven't read through Krista's site, it's a fantastic source of information and inspiration to get you up off of the couch (or computer chair, ahem) and get you started with building some fat-burning muscle.  She's got workouts for every level, with gym equipment or ideas for things you can lift around the house.  I really encourage you to check it out.

The main reason I fell out of practice with the weights is sort of silly.  I used to keep my dumbells  on the kitchen counter next to the fridge.  I posted my work out routine there, and while the pasta was boiling, I could grab the weights and squeeze in a few sets.  They looked ridiculous, sitting next to the coffee maker.  I decided to move them to my bedroom, where I could close the door and work out in peace.  I haven't lifted them since. 

So today, I'm moving them back out to the counter.  I'm going to get back in touch with those girly muscles of mine.  I'm going to squat while the sauce simmers.  I'm going to lunge while I broil.  I'm going to dead-lift while I'm dictating spelling.  I'm going to multi-task in new and frightening ways.

Pick out a routine, and pick up something heavy along with me!  Let's flex our girlie muscles!

Something else that needs addressing (or confessing) - I didn't make the dinner I had planned for last night.  The day got totally out of control, and by the time I got home at 6 pm, I couldn't bear to cook a decent meal.  I thought maybe a glass of wine would be just the thing to get me in the mood for cooking.  So, after a glass of wine, on a nearly empty stomach, I found myself a little loopy.  The kids were worn out, and I gave them a quick dinner of french bread and soup, with sliced mozzarella on the side.  I didn't eat that myself, though.  No.

I had a bowl of chocolate ice cream, and then climbed in bed and watched three straight hours of television.  So there you have the Big Slice Off The Wagon Dinner of Champions.  Big glass of wine, chocolate ice cream, in bed.   It was way better than those dried out sausages I cooked last Friday.  Alas - tonight I will resume the actual cooking.  I should've taken a photo of my "dinner" for the SmallSlice album, but I was too busy licking the bowl and contemplating whether it is tacky to put a straw in a wine glass.   

Posted by Jenny at 9:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (0)

Yesterday, I skipped breakfast, and ended up snacking throughout the morning.  I was disappointed with myself, but by lunch, when I sat down to a lovely salad and bread, I decided to learn from my mistake, instead of beating myself up about it.  This morning, I enjoyed a mini-bagel with an egg, scrambled with basil, red bell pepper, onion and a banana.  I know I'll be fine until lunch. 

Eating this way requires some forethought, and a pantry and fridge full of ingredients.  That is pretty intimidating for a mom like me, with a husband who works long hours and three busy kids.  I spent five dollars on ingredients for my homemade mac and cheese, and I had to laugh, because I could have made boxed mac and cheese for less than a dollar.  Why is it so expensive to cook from scratch?

The truth is, my mac and cheese recipe made enough for two dinners plus a week's worth of lunches for all three kids.  I packed away the leftovers in the freezer, for a day when the kids don't like the dinner I'm preparing, or I need a break from cooking.  How great is that?  You don't get that with your 99 cent box of neon orange mac and cheese.  It didn't even take any more time. 

I had become leery of cooking from scratch for a long while, because the lure of 'easy' and 'quick' and 'cheap' was powerful.  But I'm finding that each of the dinners I've made have taken me about a half-hour to put together.  I spend at least that much time making things from boxes and cans and freezer pouches. 

I took my grocery list to the store and spent about $180 on the things I had listed.  (I didn't shop at Trader Joe's this time... I find that I always save money there, but Safeway is right around the corner, and they have pull-ups.  Yes, my three-and-a-half-year-old is still in pull-ups.  SIgh.)  I expected that this shopping trip would be a week's worth of food.  But I will seriously be getting two weeks (or more for the non-perishables) out of my money.  When I figure that I spend $20 a shot at a fast-food restaurant to feed my family one meal, and cooking at home works out to about $12 a day for the whole family... that quick and easy doesn't sound so great anymore.

"U.S. residents spend more on fast food than they do on movies, books, magazines, newspapers, and videos combined.  Americans paid over $110 billion on burgers, fried chicken, and other fast foods in 2000, compared with $6 billion in 1970."  Will Clower, The Fat Fallacy, page 145

This is all a learning process for me.  I'm already thinking ahead to my menu and shopping list for next week... I'm starting to see that there are many tasty, simple ways to feed my family that don't have to have a brand name or pretty package, and it's exciting.  As my portion sizes continue to shrink, I'm more satisfied by the variety of foods that I'm eating, and looking forward to not only eating the next meal, but preparing it, too.  This is a huge change in my attitude.

One other facet that I haven't discussed is the amount of meat that I am eating.  Says Dr. Will:

"This is the French diet.  So we are going to eat (in most ways) like the French.  Refer to the earlier section on comparing food pyramids of the world.  The least healthy culture chosen (ours) has the highest recommended levels of red meats.

Coincidence?  Maybe, but I'm going with the populations that don't have all our heart problems.

• In The Fat Fallacy diet, limit red meat consumption to approximately one time per certified blue moon, or once every other week, whichever comes first.
• Here's the hierarchy: Eat mostly fish, then chicken, then lean pork, then red meats."            Will Clower, The Fat Fallacy, page 229

We're not big meat eaters, so you'll see that most weeks, we eat a little chicken, a little fish, sometimes some turkey, and the occasional bacon.  But that's pretty much it.  I'll be posting my meals to the photo album over to the left side, and will tackle my first exercise challenge this weekend.  Have a great weekend!

Posted by Jenny at 9:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (1)

First of all, check out my left sidebar over there - see it?  The new photo album/recipe thingie?  I'm determined to actually post the dinners I make and eat over there for y'all to keep me honest. 

Because sometimes, a girl just wants to hit the drive-thru and get a super-size fries, even if she made a giant shopping trip and just ranted about dog-crap in food.  Must.  Be.  Strong...

Eliminating snacks from my diet may seem counterproductive.  Yet that's what I'm determined to do.  See, as a snacker, I habitually fill my body with empty, thoughtless calories, and end up overeating at meals, because my stomach was already close to full from all the goodies I ate earlier.  I know that there are some people out there who have difficulty managing their blood sugar, and need to eat small, frequent meals.  As for me, I really don't.  I rarely find myself hungry, because I'm always snacking.  This has messed with my body's cues in a big way.

This was one of the problems I had with some of the traditional diet programs - on the old points program through Weight Watchers, I found myself eating veggie soup for dinner every night, having found a way to squander all my points on a little bit of this and a little bit of that during the day.  I hated having to account for every bite.   They built in plenty of low-point snack suggestions, and while I appreciated being able to have a fat-free pudding, or a couple of low-cal cookies, or a diet soda, or heck, all of that and more, I was filling my body with synthetic crap in an effort to entertain my palate.  Less than an hour later, I'd find myself craving a little something to tide me over.  It was a never-ending cycle.

My challenge for this week is to cut all the snacks out.  I've caved a few times, but I am finding that by eating breakfast, lunch and dinner, and including healthy fats in each meal, I am satisfied, and don't need to seek out a snack between meals.  And you know what?  I'm enjoying every bite.  I've got plenty of energy, and I feel balanced.  This is a major improvement, let me tell you.

I'm not saying that all snacks are bad - I know that other people (like, not me) can snack responsibly.  I'm unable to, and I'm finding that the urge to snack is not based on hunger - which is the only reason to eat, if I'm understanding correctly.  Who knew?  Perhaps I need to take up a new hobby.

Once my hideous sunburn heals on my back, I'll be back to crazy exercising. I've added your DVD suggestions to my netflix queue, and I'm looking for more ideas and challenges.  What do you want to see me do?  Here's what I have in my arsenal:

• mini-trampoline
• weighted hula-hoop
• roller blades
• scooter
• bike
• exercise ball
• assorted dumbbells and a curling bar
• jump rope
• good walking shoes
• newly started horseback riding lessons (Haaa!  Comedy GOLD, people!)
• access to all sorts of indoor and outdoor exercise venues - ice and roller skating, rock climbing, paddle boats, hiking trails, inflatable indoor party gym place, dance studios, the beach, the redwoods... use your imagination.
• no shame
• several new, cute exercise outfits from Target, to whom we should just give the paycheck, already.
• a camera capable of stills AND video

You wanna see me do a Survivor-style obstacle course at the park?  You want me to ride five miles on my bike while pulling two tantruming kids in the bike trailer?  You want me to climb a bazillion steps?  Want to see me attempt a challenging yoga series with my three-year-old "helping?"

I'm willing to try.  More than that, I'm willing to document and present photo/video evidence for your amusement.  So let's hear it.  Leave me a comment with your wild plans - and if I maim myself trying to base jump off the play structure at the local park at your suggestion...let's just hope I don't maim myself.  Too much.  Golly, this is starting to sound like an episode of Jackass. 

Posted by Jenny at 10:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (1)

Every afternoon, my two older children have swimming lessons at our local pool.  With three kids, the smart thing to do would be to bring my bathing suit and play in the water with my three year old while waiting for the older two to finish their lessons. 

Actually, I've planned on doing that, I really have.  However, I sunburned my back so badly at the beach on Mother's Day that a soft tee shirt is excruciating.  I'm going to have to wait until it heals before I get back in the water.  Not that I'm so excited about prancing around in my swimming suit, mind you.

A few weeks ago, my husband and I took the kids to the pool that our homeowners dues pay for.  There was no one there, and I allowed myself to lay back in the water, floating without a care in the middle of the deep end.  I breathed in and out, in and out, and let myself drift on the surface.  I stopped thinking about my large thighs.  The water held me up, and I felt the tension just melt away.  I must have floated for ten, fifteen minutes at a stretch, only bobbing up to check on the kids.  It was so peaceful that I have been craving a repeat performance.  Alas, I am a lobster. 

Granted, swimming in a public pool with my three year old, and half the town isn't exactly peaceful.  But it would keep me safe from the siren song of the concession stand. 

The Fat Fallacy is all about eating real food.  Real.  Not things like Skittles and Coca-cola and nacho cheese.  Gummy worms are not real food.  Red Vines?  Totally not real food.  I knew I would be coming home and having a nice dinner of homemade mac and cheese, and I was looking forward to it.  I walked my three-year-old around the pavement four times before I thought to check and see if they would have anything "real" to snack on. 

I ended up getting tortilla chips coated with Que Bueno! Nacho "cheese" out of a pump.  I only ate a few, and felt guilty as hell, but man.  Why do I love that stuff?

My friend Kim pointed out to me that as consumers, we just accept the additives and mystery scientific-sounding ingredients in our food.  We don't even know what half this stuff is, and yet we put it in our grocery carts, and into our mouths.

"What is "red#40"? It's a dye.  Right.  But what is that?  They don't have to list the ingredients of dyes.  There are dyes in lots of things: paint, plastics, clothes.  Do we really need them in our food?

The same goes for drinks.  If you don't know what it is, don't drink it.  Just try to say the ingredients on the back of a can of bubbly black, clear, or neon cola.  Read the labels and you often see lactic acid in there - that's the muscle toxin that gives you cramps when you exercise.  Another one is phosphoric acid.  Prior to returning to graduate school, I was a research chemist and had to keep this stuff under the hood if I was even going to take the lid off."

~Will Clower, The Fat Fallacy, page 188-189

Kim's whole point was this:  if you tell someone that their food had just a little dog crap in it, would they still eat it?  I wouldn't.  Even if it was a microscopic amount.  I'm not eating dog crap.  Nope.  Not doing it.  Yet, today I sidled up to the counter and bought myself a paper dish of Que Bueno, which could contain dog crap, for all I know.  I just don't know.

I'm going to be putting all future foods through the dog-crap test - if I don't know for sure, I'm not eating it.   

Posted by Jenny at 9:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBacks (0)

I spent Mother's Day at the beach with my family, and despite having a variety of chips, cookies and other goodies to choose from, I was pretty good.  I spent my time toe deep in the freezing water, and ended up with a horrific sunburn on my back.  Lesson learned: maybe have someone over the age of five put on your sunblock.  The backs of my thighs are sore today, too, from the ouch-ouch-ouch-ouch sprints across the hot sand.  Last night found me face down in a chocolate cream pie, in an effort to make myself forget about the PAIN radiating from my back.  Ow.  And also, yum!

Although I was due to grocery shop on Saturday, somehow we managed to scavange for our meals this weekend.  I'll be heading off to the store today, and as promised, I made up a menu for the week, and a grocery list.  I'll elaborate on these as I cook them, but I'm not much of a recipe girl.  I like to wing it.  Here it is: 

Breakfasts –

orange juice and tea

Scrambled egg, half piece toast with butter

Oatmeal with brown sugar and shot of cream

Mini bagel with melted swiss cheese

Whole milk yogurt

Lunch –

green salad with dried fruit, lots of variety, hard boiled egg or tuna or something, and sliced French bread with olive oil and vinegar dressing.

Things I want to try to eat every day:

Sweet potato

Banana

Apple

Leafy Greens

Olive Oil

French Bread

Nuts

Edamame

Monday Dinner - 

Lazy Chicken (TJ’s vodka pasta sauce, chicken in slow cooker) served over pappardelle noodles, with steamed broccoli, fruit salad and bruchetta baguettes for appetizer. 

(Frozen chicken, jar of pasta sauce, noodles, strawberries, bananas, apples, cinnamon, cherry or plum tomatoes, basil, sweet onion, olive oil, balsamic vinegar broccoli, parmesean, baguette whipping cream.)

Tuesday Dinner – 

Homemade macaroni and cheese, chopped jicama and avocado salad with lime, fresh bread, tomato soup for appetizer, melon for dessert.

(Milk, noodles, butter, panko crumbs, mild cheddar cheese, jicama, avocado, frozen corn, lime, tomato soup, watermelon.)

Wednesday Dinner –

Baked sweet potatoes topped with chili beans and sour cream, steamed brown rice, peas.  Sliced red bell peppers, sautéed in olive oil with onion and garlic.  Ice cream for dessert

(Sweet potatoes, canned chili beans, sour cream, brown rice, frozen peas, red bell peppers onion garlic.  Vanilla ice cream.)

Thursday Dinner –

Fried rice with egg, almonds, peas, carrots, water chestnuts and snow peas.  Chicken lettuce wraps (chopped chicken, grated carrot, chopped mushrooms, hoisin sauce, chopped water chestnuts, chopped bamboo shoots, chopped almonds, oyster sauce – with two heads butter lettuce) .  Cucumber salad rice vinegar. Edamame. 

(Left over rice from night before, almonds, frozen peas, grated carrot, chopped waterchestnuts, chicken bamboo shoots, mushrooms, oyster sauce, hoisin sauce, butter lettuce.  Cucumber, rice vinegar.  Edamame)

Friday Dinner – 

Frozen cheese pizza and green salad, sliced apples.  (Two frozen pizzas, romaine lettuce, crutons, apples, parmesean cheese, dressing)

Saturday Dinner – 

Grilled sausages, roasted peppers and zucchini and onion with barbecue sauce over rice. 

(Italian sausages, bell peppers, zucchini, onion, barbecue sauce, brown rice.)

Sunday Dinner - 

whole roasted chicken with garlic, potato salad, green beans with almonds. 

(Small red potatoes, whole chicken, frozen green beans, almonds, parmesean, butter. Eggs, garlic, carrots, celery onion, lemon, parsley)

Shopping list:

Posted by Jenny at 10:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (0)

     I leaped onto the scale this morning, prepared to do a victory dance.  Granted, given the narrow width of my bathroom, it would be an awkward dance, but I anticipated seeing a loss, because I've been really cleaning up my act this week.  I pushed the button and waited while it showed me my last measurements: 43% body fat, people - I'm sure to survive any famines on the strength of my fat stores alone, and 179 pounds.  I stepped up, toes wiggling. 

     181 pounds.  Go me.

     Actually, though, this is my lovely week of bloating, so I'm staying off the scale for a few days. I'm not going to allow the disappointment of calling off my victory dance to keep me from working hard at this diet.  So, what exactly am I doing?  Let me explain why I'm following this diet, and how it is supposed to work:

     The whole idea is to eat three small but varied meals a day, made from food...real food, not packaged foods full of additives and preservatives.  By including healthy fats like olive oil and small amounts of cream and butter in my daily eating, my body should stay satisfied for longer, even with smaller portions.  Really, the smaller portions is the key for the weight loss.  Less food = less calories. 

    Say it with me:  Duuuuuuuh.  The problem here is that I'm really a quantity girl. I like a big heaping plate of pasta.  I like second helpings.  I have become accustomed to feeling uncomfortably full at the end of a meal, rather than satisfied.  Not only that, after seven straight years of trying to eat as quickly as possible, I can shovel food in like nobody's business.  I can get an entire meal in before someone needs me to leap up and fetch something or wipe something or any of the other somethings that come with small children. I eat so fast I don't give my body time to tell me I'm full, and I consistenly overeat.  It's really pretty disgusting, when I think about it. 

     Another idea behind this way of eating is to sit down at the table with your meals.  Take small bites.  Enjoy the flavor and texture.  Experience the food you are eating.  I have to admit, this seems like a big "Duh" point to make, but as I drove through crazy traffic with a soft pretzel from Target held in my teeth, I realized that not only wasn't I truly hungry, but I wasn't even tasting the food as I wolfed it down.  Last week, I found myself packing my cheeks with cereal as I gathered ingredients for dinner from the pantry.  I had both cheeks so full that I could barely close my lips, and I had another handful ready.  Why? 

     It seems that I'm a mindless grazer.  I eat without thought, without planning.  We eat a lot of fast food, because I'm always out of something, despite repeated trips to the store, and the thought of cooking at the end of a hectic day leaves me pouting like a spoiled toddler.  A quick run through the drive-thru, and I can get on with the rest of my evening.

     But here's a thought - I actually love to cook.  I'm a great cook, and I love to work with food.  I love to eat, too.  Why am I deliberately choosing garbage food over a simple, easily prepared meal at home?  I blame this squarely on the kids.  The hour before dinnertime is crazy around here.  The kids are in their witching hour, and I spend most of the time keeping them from hurling their siblings off the fort in the yard, or worse, tattling.  I just want to get them fed and get it over with.

     What are they learning from that attitude, though?  Certainly not appreciation for a good meal.  I'm determined to make mealtime a family affair, from the menu planning and shopping to the preparing and eating.  I want them to have an understanding of healthy food choices.  At seven, five and three, they are old enough to participate.  Now, if I can just get my control-freak kitchen attitude adjusted, I can envision them tossing salad, slicing berries and bananas, grating cheese...

    I can also envision myself cleaning up enthusiastically tossed lettuce from the floor, cleaning smashed berries off of the chairs, and having to bathe the entire trio before I can finish making dinner.  Whatever.  It might be better than having them out in the yard, stripped down to their underpants and standing onto of the play-fort while they yell at passing cars.  Not that that ever happens around here.  Ahem.

     I'll be doing my weekly grocery shopping tomorrow.  Shall I post my menu for the week, and a shopping list?  I think it might force me to actually have a plan, and inspire me to stick with it. 

     Also - I've decided that this whole exercise baloney would be a whole lot more fun if I had accomplices.  Leave me a comment with a suggested activity that you'd like to see me try.  As long as it doesn't involve jumping out of a plane, and I can do it locally, I'm game.  Bonus points if you come up with something that I can do WITH my kids.  I'll even take pictures and post them here, photo essay-style.  I've just discovered that I can rent exercise DVDs from Netflix, too, so recommend away, and I'll put 'em in my queue.   

Posted by Jenny at 9:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (0)

Last spring, I found myself contemplating wearing my super-cute maternity swimsuit and fibbing about being three months pregnant rather than brave the mall fitting room for the annual festival of self-loathing known as swimsuit shopping.   Even though my youngest child was over two, my body was stubbornly holding onto the weight gained over not one, but three pregnancies in five years.    I knew that it was time for me to think about a diet.  So I thought about it.  I decided that I would naturally lose the weight over summer, what with the hotter weather and three active children and all.   

Despite my optimism, I spent the summer avoiding the pool at all costs, and feeling generally uncomfortable.   This year, I decided to take matters well into hand before I found myself crouching poolside in a pair of elastic-waist shorts and a baggy tee.  Did I make weight loss a priority this year?  Did I join the gym and cut out sweets?  Not exactly.

No, I jumped onto the Lands End website, and created a virtual model for myself.   "Aha! I can try swimsuits on virtually!  In my kitchen!"  When I typed in my physical dimensions, and my virtual model appeared, I was stunned.   Actually, stunned doesn't even cover my reaction.  I felt betrayed.  First of all, that woman on my screen was fat – surely I must have mistyped something.   I checked my stats again.  I refreshed the model, and to my surprise, she was still fat.

Well, shoot.  All the mirrors in my house are from the waist up, and I am always careful not to linger.   I'm used to dressing for comfort, and haven't really bought clothes with sizes that include numbers in years.  I raced to the nearest mirror, and scrutinized myself.   My stomach would totally back me up, should I try to pull off the maternity suit.  Don't get me started on my upper arms.   And my butt has a time zone all to itself, people.  Who knew?  Like my virtual model, I am apparently fat.

It sounds ridiculous to say that I didn't realize that I was fat.  I have always had a rounded figure, even at my fighting weight of one hundred twenty pounds.  At just under five feet tall, I seem to gain weight all over, instead of just in my lower half.   I assured myself that I was still proportional, and I assumed all those bad photos were just taken from unflattering angles.  When my scale died shortly after the birth of my youngest, I never replaced it.   I've know that my weight needed some attention, but I didn't realize how much I've gained, how much I've changed. 

After the shock wore off, I turned on some techno music and put my virtual model through the entire line of swimsuits.   Sadly, I discovered that there is not a truly flattering cut for a woman who is carrying fifty extra pounds around.  Fifty pounds is larger than my seven year old!   No wonder I'm not as energetic as I used to be.  It's like I'm walking around with a chimpanzee on my back.  Okay, a fifty-pound chimp is a small one, but still.  I left the site and decided that optimism is only one of the factors I'll need to shed these extra pounds.   Ooh-ooh, ah-ah.

I've been on a few diets here and there, with mixed results.  My family enjoyed pasta and dessert while I choked down another broiled chicken breast and steamed veggies or worse, a frozen, reduced everything entree.   Sure, I may have dropped a few pounds, but I suspect the loss was due to calories burned while seething in resentment.   

For me to be truly successful, I know I will have to make some major lifestyle changes, not only for myself, but also for my entire family.   As a stay-at-home-mom to a first grader, kindergartener and toddler, I want to reinforce good eating habits, and teach them how to make healthy choices.   I want to be a positive role model.  I want our family to play together, and eat together.  Mostly, I don't want to have to choke down diet food while my family gets to eat the good stuff.   

I've decided to follow the eating guidelines provided in The Fat Fallacy, by Will Clower.   This eating style, inspired by the eating habits of the French, appeals to me because it encourages varied meals of healthy foods, with the focus on avoiding packaged foods and artificial ingredients.   I like the sensible, gimmick-free approach to meals, and the added benefit of making mealtime more of a family event, rather than a quick refueling before rushing off to other activities.   I also like the fact that the cover of the book has a pat of butter melting onto an English muffin.  Now that's what I'm talking about.

  With a husband and three kids who prefer boxed macaroni and cheese with cut-up hot dogs in it to all other forms of cuisine, and are hard-pressed to stay at the table through a single course served on melamine plates, I'm not sure how we'll do with the leisurely, multiple-course meals suggested.   I'm looking into installing seat belts on the dining chairs.  In any case, it could make for some rich comedy.   I am looking forward to giving it a go.

Posted by Jenny at 8:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)