Small Slice

I'll be attending a wedding on Saturday evening, and after a brief glance through my closet, I determined that I had nothing to wear.  Nothing, with a capital N.  It isn't that I don't have any dresses and whatnot, but the majority of my wardrobe is black and stretchy.  And hooterrific, if you get my meaning.

I count my bazongas amongst my better features, but I'm tired of dressing myself like a co-ed on the make.  Everyone who knows me is like "Put them away, Jenny.  We've seen enough of the girls." 

Being a petite woman at the double digit end of the size spectrum (read: short and fat) makes for some shopping challenges.  The petite stuff usually doesn't fit.  The regular sizes need to be hemmed, or fits odd.  Forays into the "plus-sized" sections leave me frustrated...I'm too big for regular sizes, too small for plus sizes.  I'm not interested in wearing muu muus. 

Anyway, with the wedding coming up fast, and nothing to wear, I took advantage of my parents' good graces and left them with my kids while I headed to the local mall.  I had a mission:

Find a damn dress in a color other than black that fits properly and makes me resemble a woman.  And some shoes, too. 

JC Penney was having a sale, so I moved quickly through the dress section, grabbing everything in my size that I could find.   With the fitting rooms being painted, I stood in line for 30 minutes waiting for my turn.  By the time I got into a room, I was already feeling  less confident.  I hung all fifteen of the dresses on a hook, and got to work.

Shift dresses?  Sausage casing.
Halters?  Hello, boobs.  And also?  No.
Flirty cap sleeve dresses?  Not on this body.
Cotton shirt dresses?  I can't even express how wrong these looked. 

I was near weeping and beyond frustrated when I reached the last dress in the bunch.  I saw that I had inadvertently picked up a strapless sundress, thinking it had spaghetti straps.  I can't do strapless.  Come on.  COME ON!  The last time I wore a strapless dress was to my prom.  (I rocked it, too.)

Faced with 14 losers already, I thought I'd go ahead and try it on.  Why not, right?  I was feeling kind of fatalistic at that point.

It fit.  It was actually sort of cute.  Wait, it was really pretty cute.  I mean, my middle was kinda lumpy and my boobs needed some lift, but dude...they have special underwear for that.  I have that special underwear in my bureau.  I'm set! 

Sweet Jeebus, I found a cute dress to wear to the wedding.  I'm wearing a strapless sundress and it makes me look like a girl and I really love it.  And the best part?  It was on sale for twenty dollah.  I actually said "wooo!" when the salesperson rang me up.

Then I went over to shoes and scored a cute pair of sandals for another twenty dollah.

You wanna see?  Click below to see the cuteness.  And no, I don't have makeup or my hair done.  I'll take those photos on Saturday.