Papaya, Papaya, Papaya
My oldest daughter is seven. As I was changing into my pajamas last night, she asked me why I am chubby (her words) if I know that it is unhealthy for my body. I bit back my defensiveness, and explained that eating well and exercising haven't always been a priority for me. She scolded me for a minute, and then wandered off.
I wasn't hurt by her questions, but I was surprised by them, nonetheless.
When my daughter was a baby, I had big plans to model good eating habits and to teach her to love her body, no matter what. I grew up very aware of my mother's diets and watched her struggle up and down the scale many times. I always thought I was fat, but I wasn't willing to skip meals or take other measures to lose weight. I *knew* without a doubt that thin=pretty.
This is not a critcism of my mom's weight control methods. Peers and media convinced me that my rounded muscles and thick torso were a mark of mediocrity. Seeing my beautiful mom eating yet another diet meal confirmed that girls built like me would either have to diet to be thin, or give up.
I was 110 pounds at age 15. I thought I was chunky. Youth and regular exercise kept my weight down then. Now? I am struggling. I want to be thin. I know I am chunky. My own daughter is watching every move I make.
I never wanted her to see me struggle with food. I never wanted her to hear me make disparaging comments about my body. I wanted to be sensible and controlled and moderate.
I'm not, though. I'm not at all. What kind of role model am I?
For my children's sake, I will not look for a quick fix.
For my children's sake, I will keep working at it.
For my children's sake, I will treat food with respect.
For my children's sake, I will embrace an active lifestyle. I will play.
For my own sake, I'll let go of the guilt.
So far, the "rules" I've set haven't been unmanagable. I didn't drink all the water I planned on yesterday, and I only got in 30 minutes of exercise. Today I'm going to be digging into my least enjoyed fruit, Papaya. Fruit until 5 pm.
I'm uploading the photo from my dinner last night to the Small Slice album
Comments
I know what you mean about setting a good example to your children. I really don't want to muck them up. I want to install healthy eating habits in them.
I still can't believe my son or one of his friends hasn't commented on my weight. I want to lose a few pounds before that happens.
Posted by: HealthyMummy | November 28, 2006 2:02 PM
I love you. You are an awesome mama.
Posted by: steph | November 28, 2006 2:33 PM
Hang in there!
Posted by: Nancy | November 28, 2006 6:00 PM
Good luck! I have sons (and they're still young) so the issue doesn't seem so fraught with me, but I still want to make some healthy changes. Anyway, I think you're doing a great job of being straightforward with your daughter and I'm sure she will grow up with a realistic view of food and exercise.
Posted by: kate | November 28, 2006 11:04 PM
I know you are trying to make healthy changes. But is an all-fruit diet really the best way to go? I know you're only eating fruit until 5 p.m., but it still doesn't seem healthy. Can't you just eat healthy foods throughout the day without having to resort to eating solely fruit? Especially fruit you don't like--I don't understand that. Why force yourself to eat papaya if you don't like it? At least eat fruit you like! I know if it were me and I was eating only fruit all day until 5 p.m., after that time I would gorge myself on everything I could find. It just doesn't seem like the best strategy to me. I know you're trying hard to lose weight and get healthier, but there's got to be a better way! I wish you the best of luck. Stick with healthy eating and exercise and you will prevail!
Posted by: coraspartan | November 29, 2006 5:38 AM
dfdafdfa
Posted by: Anonymous | November 29, 2006 5:21 PM
I have been following your blog and your struggle with weight loss for some time. I find myself in the same position. However, I do believe that some people genetically have slower metabolisms than others and simply must eat less and exercise more. Plumpness runs in my family, but my three sisters (who were overweight as kids) now stay slim either because (1) they eat very little - either skip breakfast or piece of toast, soup, salad or a plain sandwich for lunch (which they won't eat if they've had a larger breakfast) and a few bites of dinner or (2) they eat a little more but exercise for an hour a day. Right now, I am roughly 25 pounds more than I weighed when I was married 15 years ago and even then, I was 5-10 pounds overweight. Maintaining my weight back then required me to eat tiny portions and exercise regularly but I looked OK. Now, I simply get too hungry to eat like that, plus my metabolism has slowed (I'm 42 and believe me, it makes a huge difference) and weight comes off slowly even with tiny portions. I don't mean to depress you, but my point here is that you may not see results unless you do this fruit diet thing and eat the tiny amounts that are, regardless of what your readers are saying. It really is more difficult for some people than others to lose weight or succeed on diets and from what I've read of your posts, I suspect that you fall into this category. The best that I hope to do for myself is to drop the 15 pounds that I've gained since I stopped nursing my youngest child and then work like crazy to keep from gaining them back. I still won't be thin, but at least I won't feel as huge as I do now.
Posted by: Anonymous | November 29, 2006 5:33 PM