Reflections
Last night, I curled up on the couch with a box of tissue and watched Steve Irwin's memorial program. Steve and Terri have been a major influence on my children's love of wildlife, and it has been a very emotional couple of weeks for me. While I am heartbroken for his father, sisters and wife, it is the thought of his children, growing up without him, that has me undone.
As the memorial ended, I wiped away my tears and heaved a shuddering sigh. It was a great program, sorrow mixed with levity. Between heartfelt eulogies, they presented video clips of Steve, as well as photo slideshows, and it struck me that his children are blessed to have such a bounty of media to help them remember their father. Through the years, both Steve and Terri have been interviewed extensively, and they never failed to wax poetic about their love of wildlife, each other, and their children.
It got me thinking about my own children. Should my life end today, what would I leave behind for them? How would they remember me?
Being a fat woman, I've learned to avoid the camera. I don't enjoy seeing myself on videos. The sound of my voice grates, the size of my butt causes me to cringe. I rarely look past my own physical dimensions to see the twinkle in my eye as I play with my kids, or the way my laughter causes my children to beam with delight. The photographic evidence of my life with my children is small and misses so many of the things I would want them to remember.
Blogging has become a way for me to capture these memories. It is a way for me to freeze time and someday, to bring them inside my head to see what I see. I don't know if it is vanity talking, but I truly do want my children to have this record. And as dissatisfied as I am with my own physical shape sometimes, I am inspired to get in front of the camera more, to make a permanent record of my relationship with my children, my family and friends.
So, I need some ideas. Beyond the snapshots, beyond the blog entries, beyond filming on holidays and school functions... give me some suggestions for ways to create a family record.
Comments
Jenny,
You know, *YOU* hate all that stuff about yourself, but your kids ADORE all of that about you, and will lvoe to have that of you later.
I pick a couple specail dates a year to specifically yank out the camera, not jsut birthdays&christmas, but we also do on 9/11, first day of school, etc. I don't scrapbook like the big craze, but i print the pics and throw 'em in albums and put a date by them, lol!
Also, i keep a gratitude journal. I got this idea from Oprah & my MIL. In a lil notebook on my bedstand, I write 5 things I am thankful for, and as I look back on it I see all the cool stuff---I was thankful for my son's first steps, my 4yo dd telling me she was a 'phenomenon' etc. My MIL did that and reading it was wonderful upon her passing.
HTH, and by the way, your evil twin looks like mine, and I am working on going down from 178 to 145. GOod Luck to ya!
:)Jess
Posted by: Jess | September 20, 2006 11:07 AM
After my husband's death, I realized how seldom he and I would turn the camera on each other - we always photographed our son!
I do the scrapbook thing - have been doing it for about 15 years now.
My husband was an excellent singer and pianist. I have several recordings of him singing (actually one is playing right now!) Having his voice preserved is wonderful!
I keep a collection of family recipes, each with details about who's recipe, who's favorite, etc. It's like a mini-family history!
And my blog, of course!
Posted by: Kate | September 20, 2006 11:44 AM
Sweetie, I don't consider you a "fat woman" at all. You're gorgeous.
As to my idea? I read Emily Stories on cassette tape. I wanted her to have my voice when I was traveling as a baby and it just stuck.
Posted by: Dawn | September 20, 2006 12:02 PM
Maybe you sould get a book and write down all the memories of the passing days, you and your husband share with your children.
Posted by: Sara | September 20, 2006 1:33 PM
I try to write letters to my children on each of their birthdays--summarizing what happened that year, what their interests were, how proud I was of them and exactly why. I stuff them into their baby books and hope that someday they'll treasure these letters.
Posted by: Susan | September 20, 2006 4:31 PM
Letters. Definitely letters. I've been starting a series of letters to Tyler that I'll be posting on my blog that are letters from my teenage self to him now.
Gret post, Jenny. I love the cassettes on tope idea, too. I keep meaning to do that, but never make the time.
Posted by: Kelly | September 21, 2006 3:12 AM
I've been thinking about this lately, too. I hate to be photographed, both because I'm not as slim as I'd like to be, and because I have endless problems with my skin. Whenever my husband has the camera out, I always have some excuse (I don't have makeup on, my hair's not done, blah blah blah).
But if something were to happen to me, I would want my son to remember me, to know what I looked like, and to see images of me with him so he could see how much he means to me. So I'm trying to let go of my insecurities and get in front of that camera. For him, if I can't do it for myself.
Posted by: Tara | September 21, 2006 8:29 AM
As a fellow one feeling like a "fatty", I am just waking up to realization that I am NEVER in a family photo, not for holidays, birthdays, or anything! The only way we finally got some pictures of me recently, was to put a friend in charge of "sneaky" photography at my sister's graduation brunch. It was outside, which I think always lends more natural and enjoyable shots. My other suggestion is picking a day or two in the year and doing a video diary of an "average day" in the life of your family. We did this a few times sending a copy to family members, and my husband I took turns filming; I even found high shelves in the living room to set the camera down while I played with the baby on the floor. Good luck! And have fun recording history for yourself and your little guys!=)
Posted by: prov31wisemom | September 21, 2006 1:32 PM
It's amazing how many of us do the same thing. We hide from having pictures taken cause once we look at them we have to admit to ourselves the truth. In my head I must tell myself if I don't see it it's not there, How soilly can we be. The wonderful thing our loved ones know us as we look in those pictures and want to remember us. The key must be to either lose the weight or jump into the pictures anyway.
Posted by: Jo | September 21, 2006 4:43 PM
I am never in front of the camera either.
For me createing family traditions is important, something that my kids will be able to remember and hopefully carry on with their own kids. I never thought about writing about them, but maybe I will.
I also write more personal blog entries that I don't publish that are specifically to individual kids if something fun, sad, interesting, whatever happens to them and I feel like writing about it but not sharing it with the entire world.
Posted by: chris | September 21, 2006 7:18 PM
You are doing more than most, with your wonderful site here. Just relax, keep writing and your children have an absolute TREASURE!
I disagree with scrapbookers, Creative Memories people, people who incessantly videograph and "shoot" their way through life... the best way for your children to remember you is to just BE with them...
Just my $.02
Posted by: Eve | September 26, 2006 2:49 PM