When The Going Gets Tough...
...The tough probably do something about it, unlike me. I spent most of yesterday feeling shell-shocked and whiny. I made falafel and salad for dinner, and about 3 bites in, I didn't feel half as bad as I thought. By the time I was finished with dinner, I was mellowed out and able to think clearly.
This week, I'm going to put myself in remedial eating school, because I've been sliding backwards with my eating - not in portion sizes, but in every other area. It is affecting me both physically and emotionally.
The thing about my hissy-fit tantrum misunderstanding pig photo taking breakdown this weekend is that it is completely out of character. I am, at least 99% of the time, comfortable in my own skin. I assume that people like me. I don't feel judged or secondary to my pants size. I go about my business and don't take myself too seriously.
Yet, my husband makes a random comment and I go off the deep-end about it. Suddenly I'm the 1000 pound pig in a box, a side-show attraction. Could my mismanaged eating and sporadic exercise be the cause of this sudden attitude change?
I'm thinking it can. Here's why -
I've been focusing a large part of my diet on processed grains and dairy fats. I've reintroduced caffeine to my diet, near-daily. I haven't been eating my daily salad for lunch, and my breakfasts have either been skipped, or contain no protein. My dinners have been okay, but the focus has been on the pasta, the potatoes, the rice... with balance, this would be fine. I am out of balance.
I gave up caffeine in all forms this spring, at the recommendation of my doctor. It signaled a major change in my ability to stay mellow. Over the last month, I've had the occasional cup of coffee or soda (if there were no other beverage options besides tap water) and since returning from BlogHer, I've been drinking a cup every morning. I could buy decaf, but I haven't. I need to listen to my body and let caffeine go, once and for all.
The focus on processed foods and my greek yogurt obsession has brought my food balance to its knees. I am not making smart choices. I know, for example, that I need to start my day with protein to keep me from grazing my way to lunch. Drinking coffee will often take the edge off any morning hunger, and I'll skip breakfast entirely - making me ravenous by lunch. Instead of enjoying my daily lunch salad, I've been eating pasta, sandwiches, lots of bready items, with little or no vegetables. By dinner, my body is crashing, and I snack my way through preparing the meal (and the cleanup, too.)
No wonder my weight isn't budging.
With school starting in a week (Hi! I'm not even sort of ready!) I've been making big plans for how I'm going to use those hours to get a solid routine working. It dawned on me this morning - I can't rely on life to leave me alone for those hours. It is like I said long ago: the only way I'm going to get consistant exercise is to play alongside my kids. I might be able to squeeze in a class or a walk by myself, but the bulk of my active hours are consumed with child-rearing. We do it together, or I don't do it at all.
Guess what choice I've been making?
Today I will make smarter choices. Today I will play with my kids and eat an egg for breakfast and have a salad for lunch. I will smile, and stop making oinking noises at myself in the mirror.
I'm learning once again that I have unlimited do-overs. And that's pretty cool.
Thank you all for your loving comments and support - it means the world to me to know that you are cheering for me. We are going to do this.
Comments
Hurray for Jenny. Your observations are right on the money. Your comment about life not giving you the hours you need to do what you want really hit home with me. Keep going, you are such an inspiration.
Posted by: Sher | August 8, 2006 12:24 PM
"- I can't rely on life to leave me alone for those hours."
yup. But it's *your* life. Boss that puppy around.
Posted by: the womom | August 8, 2006 5:23 PM
I love you. Just have to say it. I am so struggling with weight issues right now that well, I don't know what, but something bad. And then it hit me that it doesn't just affect my life, but will affect the life of my daughter as well. That kills me. I don't want to be a fat, tired Mother. I want to be a strong, healthy, fit Mother who is never an embarrassment to her child. I find your entires, menus and pictures motivating, thank you! I think you clued me in on something on this entry, balance. What is that? I think I have none. Balance is probably not all or nothing. Hmm. How did you achieve this balance?
Posted by: Carrie | August 9, 2006 9:36 AM
Have you ever tried going to NickJr.com/playtime and either dancing to their radio, having a parade to their music, (the Lazy Town and Dora stuff is really up-beat)? I also go there for to do the "sports challenge" game with Sporticus, I also printed out the Lazy Town stickers, and made my own "fit deck" (go to fitdeck.com to find out what that is) to exercise with the kids. Sometimes nickjr.com for parents also has great tips/ideas/recipes for heath w/the kids. Good luck! You can do it!
Posted by: prov31wisemom | August 9, 2006 4:31 PM
Sounds like everyones on a right track: I, just Divorced. My Daughter and Myself are trying to find ourselves (US), and learning or attempting to figure out enjoyment again..How do you re-learn the ability to have fun???
Posted by: 2freekisses | August 10, 2006 10:01 AM