Here I Go Again
I've been talking a lot about balance lately. How do you make time for everything you need to do, and still find time for what you want to do? How do you decide what is a need, and what is a want? Where do you draw the line?
Most people have a fuzzy-edged border between the two. I want to exercise, but I need to blog first. I need to exercise, but I want to sleep in.
Those of you who know me in person have seen how easily distracted I am. I'm like a magpie, collecting shiny things for my cluttered nest. I'm not exactly a planner. In fact, my "spontaneous" looks an awful lot like "chaotic" sometimes. When my kids were still babies, I skated by with nary a plan. And it was fine. It fit perfectly with my procrastinating skills - if we didn't get out for a walk today, oh well. There's always tomorrow. If I didn't find the time to fix a good dinner, and ate four granola bars and a bowl of ice cream, there was always tomorrow to make up for it.
With my days revolving around the school schedule and extra-curricular activities for the kids in one short week, I'm starting to freak out a bit. I decided to take a proactive stance, and write up a little schedule for myself.
Hee hee hee hoo hoo hoo - the Lamaze breathing IS good for something. I filled in the varying school schedules, the horseback riding lessons for my daughter, and the gymnastics for my son, and penciled in the preschool drop offs and pick ups. Then I stood back and looked at the calendar.
Where was the time for me? Where was my time?
Sometimes, spontaneous doesn't work. I know, because for the last five years, I've been meaning to take a dance class, learn to knit, have dinner with friends, start a revolution, lose weight...
I always tell myself that tomorrow is the day. I'll make up for today's lapses tomorrow. I'll call my friends tomorrow and set a date for dinner. I'll overthrow the patriarchy and found a commune tomorrow. I'll stick with my eating plan tomorrow. And then tomorrow comes, and the day gets away from me, and...
Looking at that schedule of family activities, I decided to make the time for me. I pulled out the community recreation schedule, and signed myself up for a Tuesday night bellydancing class. Ha! Hee! Hoo! I wrote the course dates on my calendar in pen. I'm doing it. And I'm already plotting for dinners out, and knitted scarves, and revolutions.
As a mother, there is a lot of pressure to put ourselves last. We turn our needs - eating well, exercising, getting enough rest, time for ourselves - into optional wants. There is supposed to be virtue in sacrifice, but when we neglect our needs, what are we offering to our family?
Balance - I'm not sure that one bellydancing course is going to bring it back to my life. But I'm realizing that just like the 8:08 drop-off at school, some needs of my own need to be scheduled and non-flexible.
