Small Slice

It's day one here at BlogHer, and we're having a little ClubMom blog reunion.

I'm sitting with Anne-Marie, Dawn, and Jenn at a session that promises to help us make our blogs even prettier and more accessible.  I can't wait to put some of this stuff into action!

Of course, I can't type for anything, since I put on fake nails for the occasion, and it's making me very, very slow.

We had a healthy spread for breakfast - I had a wonderful croissant and some coffee.  I planned to eat melon, but with all my social butterfly grace, I sent my slices of melon tumbling to the carpet, and then spilled my coffee trying to retreive them before they were noticed. 

Sigh.

I'll try to update frequently while I'm here.  We're having a wonderful time. 

Posted by Jenny at 11:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

In a cruel slapping motion, fate has scheduled my monthly bloating and comfort-food craving and intense emotional outbursts for this coming weekend.  BlogHer ain't ready for this, I can guarantee it.
Add in the fact that I am reliving my youth (specifically, my teenaged acne) and you have one mama who is very glad that I can at least say that I've lost some weight. 

While this week will take me away from home, and tempt me with all sorts of opportunities to indulge, I plan on sticking with the good eating habits I've developed.  No late night snacks for me! 

I have to admit, there is a certain amount of terror involved in going to an event like BlogHer.  Last year, I was horrified to realize that with any group of passionate bloggers, there will be photos taken right and left, and worst of all - I would have no control of them.  No chance to photoshop out that zit, or crop out my large rear.  I had to let go of my fierce desire to only show my 'good' side, to edit out the weird expressions or the unflattering angles.  At BlogHer - I left my online persona behind, and for better or worse, became three dimensional. 

The conference was a smashing success, and while I was by no means a focal point of the conference, I turned up in enough embarrassingly bad photos to make anyone dive head-first into a vat of Ben and Jerry's.  I cringed, and cursed my inability to just hold a pose and smile like normal people.  And then, I shocked myself and let it go.  I took another good look at the goofball woman in those photos, and looked past The Butt and the open mouth (probably shouting instructions to the camera person) and saw a woman having the time of her life. 

I've realized that I cannot photoshop myself in daily life.  I cannot slim my upper arms or smooth my wrinkles for a trip to the grocery store.  I can't freeze my face into the perfect smile.  I can't tell people what to see when they look at me. 

After the birth of my children, I felt like I had a shield around me.  There was this sense of invisibility.  People looked at my children, and smiled.  They looked right through me. 

For a while, this was a relief.  I wasn't feeling at my best - I had gained 40 pounds with my first pregnancy, and wasn't losing it quickly.  When I became pregnant with my second child, nine months after the birth of my first, I was relieved.  I could just let my body do its thing.  I drew my invisibility cloak around me and sighed.  Now, three and a half years after the birth of my youngest, I no longer have a baby in a sling to draw the eye away from my figure.  I rarely have a stroller to hide behind.  I notice that people are making eye contact with me once again.

It feels like I'm on stage, and I haven't learned all my lines, and I've gotten one of those mall makeup counter makeovers, hoping for pretty and ending up with hooker.

Once again, I'm facing the bloggers-with-cameras-and-Flickr firing squad.  I have already made my peace with the fact that there will be unflattering photos of me appearing on the internet.  And I'm dusting off my penetrating glasses - the ones that allow me to see past my own hangups to the woman everyone else sees. 

But I'm also working on learning to keep my mouth shut and smile.

Posted by Jenny at 7:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

Well, folks - I've reached the end of my Month of Motivation.  Let's take a look back at my original goals:

Here's what I'm-a gonna do: 

• I'm going to include ALL my meals in the Small Slice album for the next 30 days - straight.

Ha!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha!  Okay, here's what happened.  New computer, camera issues, just plain forgetfulness.  This was a miserable failure.  I'm renewing this vow.  The good thing about taking a photo of my plate before sitting down is it makes me really think about what I'm eating.  If there isn't enough color, or too much of any one item, I'll see it and think twice.

• I'm going to fill my salad-sized plate with a colorful variety of healthy foods.  Once per meal.
  

Actually, this was really successful - I'm not going back for seconds, and am completely satisfied after a meal.  Hooray!

• NO SNACKING WHILE PREPARING MEALS.  (Gaaah!  The bane of my existence.)

Yeah, well.  Still working on this - but it's much, much less.

• I'm going to commit to AT LEAST 30 minutes of jog-walking (following Hal Higdon's training plan)

After discovering that my legs are prone to nasty shin splints, I have laid off on the jog-walking for a while.  I am still getting in at least 30 minutes of jogging/jumping on the trampoline or something similar, but I'm thinking my training plan to run a half-marathon is way shelved for now.  I'm hoping once the kids are in school I can make a stab at it.

• AND an additional 30 minutes of some other exercise, be it weight training, dancing like an idiot to the Wiggles, the Stripper DVD, something.  Every day.  For 30 days.

Oh yeah, baby.  This was a wild success, and a great mood elevator.  One of the hardest parts of daily exercise with kids is the entertainment factor.  My seven-year-old, five-year-old and three-year-old are great motivators, and we all enjoy the time spent acting like loons together.  I managed to check off a few of the challenges you guys have submitted, and will be reporting back on Belly Dancing later today...  my first attempts = holy crap my arms are sore.  This is good!

Here's the revised measurements.  After a month, I wish I was seeing more here, but I'll take it.  Every 1/4 inch of it.  See?  A total of 3 1/2 inches lost!

Waist: 40 inches - 39 inches 
Hips: 45 inches - 44 inches
Ribs: 38 inches - 38 inches
Neck.  15 1/4 inches. 15 inches
Bicep: 14 inches  13 1/2 inches
Thigh: 24 inches  23 3/4 inches
Calf: 16 1/4 inches  16 inches

I started the Month of Motivation at 178 pounds.  This morning, I weighed 175.  However, this weekend I weighed in at 173.5 - so I suspect that I'm retaining water. 

That sounds like a horrible cop-out, but my left ankle is horribly swollen and taut, and about the same diameter as my calf.  We've had several straight days of brutal heat (like 109 degrees F) and as I've mentioned - we have NO AIR-CONDITIONER.  Thank you, genetics! 

Grace has challenged me to give Bikram Yoga a try.  I planned on taking a session or two this weekend, but with the regular temperature causing me to sweat just staring at the wall, I was afraid to overwhelm my delicate little constitution.  As soon as BlogHer comes and goes, I'm going to dive in.

Speaking of BlogHer... I'm going to record my meals with the camera, but forget about the formal menu.  It's too hot to cook, and I've been rummaging around, eating salads and yogurt and drinking gallons of water. 

So, how did you guys do with your goals?  I'm excited to hear.  Fill me in!

Posted by Jenny at 11:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBacks (0)

Kim called me out, and we agreed to settle this challenge, once and for all.   We drove across town in our minivans, and prepared the troops for a full-scale assult on Pump It Up - The Inflatable Party Place.

We almost had the place to ourselves, and we stalked in, dropped our shoes and purses and began jumping like maniacs.  Kim is a screamer, too, so we made more noise than our kids, leaping around and acting like total fools.  It was so fun.  So, so fun.

We did the obstacle course, and ran laps in the basketball court, and although I know I said I wasn't ready for video yet, behold:  I "invented" a "trick" - meaning I made friends with gravity, and worked some Jazz Hands into the equation.

See Me Roll on Vimeo
This Could Go Really Great, Or Really, Really Bad on Vimeo

I'll have the album up soon - but I have to say that this challenge was really fun, and a great workout.

Posted by Jenny at 2:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

Hooray for haiku!  You guys are hilarious.  I'll decide on prizes shortly - believe me when I tell you that your sense of humor is very, very welcome today.

So, I tried to make a video of my awesome new moves from Cardio Striptease.  Just... no.  Then, I tried to make a video of my awesome hula hoop technique, and believe me when I say the internet is just not ready for that.  Just. Not.

I've been doing "really well" this month, with a overall loss of 6 pounds and daily workouts, and I know that I feel better and move better - but it isn't happening fast enough.  I'm not seeing any difference, even though I'm feeling it, and I'm angry about it. 

I know all the right things to tell myself.  I'm building muscle.  I didn't gain it all overnight.  My body will never be the same as it was before kids.  Slow and steady weight loss is the healthy way to reduce.  Choosing whole, healthy foods instead of processed, mystery 'foods' is better for my entire family.  Daily exercise can take weeks to make a visable difference.

I just wish my outside appearance matched my inside identity.  I wish there was a fast-forward button.  My virtual model looks awesome at 130 pounds.  I'm months away from that weight at this rate, and while I'm celebrating every little half-pound on the scale, I'm feeling overwhelmed by the idea of 50 pounds.

Well, that and the visual of me hula hooping vigorously.  *Shudder*

So, as I approach the end of my Month of Motivation, I do feel like I've made progress.  I've learned that I'm not a runner, at least not yet.  I'm able to laugh myself sick while doing virtually any aerobic activity.  My family prefers simple meals, and they are starting to enjoy my cooking, now that I've taken it down a notch.  I'm a better person when I exercise daily.  I believe that the weight will come off, and that it will take good old-fashioned hard work and eating common sense to get it off.

Hi!  I still have a long way to go, but I'm down five pounds from my starting weight, and I'm posing like a superheroine .  Because really, even though I'm not ready to show you video of my hula exploits just yet, I bet you in the right outfit, five pounds from now, you won't be able to stop me.   

Stop with the hoop, Jenny.  We all know you can do it, Jenny. 

My next goal - 3 pounds lost by Wednesday, July 26th.  I can do this.  I will do this.  Because I can't stop throwing myself in front of cameras.

Posted by Jenny at 7:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (0)

While folding a load of laundry this afternoon, I got sucked into that MTV show "Made" - I hadn't seen it before.  This one took a nerdy kid and made him into a break-dancing B-boy.

Oooh!  My little heart was all a-flutter.  I know, I should come to terms with the fact that I'm a thirty-three year old fat woman, but I want to be a break-dancer!  I can see dropping the kids off at school, and then throwing down a flattened refrigerator box and kickin' it old school style with the other moms.  And then maybe a little trip to Starbucks. 

Sounds pretty great, huh? 

Okay, for those of you who are new readers - I guess I should explain.  I've always had this thing about making up scenarios.  It doesn't take much to get me off and running either.  Take the hula hoop situation.  I discovered that I couldn't do it.  I couldn't hoop.  Man, I was bummed.  Then someone suggested a sports hoop.  Then came an innocent flyer about a school hula hoop contest at the ice cream social.  And before you know it, I'm boasting about strutting into the contest with my own custom hoop to pounding theme music. 

So, needless to say, it doesn't take much to set me off. 

Break-dancing!  Yes!  I updated my netflix queue to include a family friendly beginning break-dancing DVD and I'm already planning my outfit.  Big Slice is in the house!

I promised a contest, and I'm still giggling over my mental image of my breakin' debut.  Let's do some haiku again -

Alright - prizes will be awarded to the 'kus that tickle my fancy. 

Your topics:

• Hula hooping
• Bikram yoga
• Break-dancing
• Schoolyard Showdown

Go! Get your haiku on!  Refresher: three lines 1st line five syllables, 2nd line seven syllables and 3rd line five syllables.  Have fun with it!

OH WAIT!  I just talked to Jenn over at Hip Mom and Trendy Tweens, and we want to make a little mischief and spread the love around to our ClubMom blogger sisters.  You get extra brownie points for every extra haiku you leave (without explanation) in the comments one of our fine ClubMom blogs.  In fact, go post some haiku on your own blog, and trackback, and we'll all have some fun.  Whee!

Posted by Jenny at 6:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (31) | TrackBacks (3)

Aaaaargh!  I'm ready for battle on these last days of the Month of Motivation.  BlogHer is a mere 10 days away, and I've still got five pounds to lose to meet my goal of 10 pounds.  I don't know if it will happen, but I'm going to give it my all this week.

I'm still having trouble producing the grocery lists - new computers tick me off.  I'm going to fire up old Bessy, my not-so-trustworthy former computer and get all the files I need to get Big Slice's Grocery Lists back online.

Today was a weenie day for me, with not a lot of aerobic exercise.  But!  Never fear, because I've got Cardio Striptease queued up in the DVD player for tomorrow morning, and a swimming outing planned, as well as a two mile walk to the park before the mercury climbs into the 90s. 

Tomorrow, I think it's time to have another little contest... hmmm.  The wheels are turning already.  Check back in the morning for your challenge.

Posted by Jenny at 9:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

It is 99 degrees outside, a balmy 86 degrees inside, and I'm feeling hot.  I've got sweaty buns, people, and that just isn't right.

The good thing is that it's really too hot to cook.  The bad thing is that all the food in my house requires cooking.  I'm not amused by this.  Who bought all this stuff that needs to be, like, cooked?  Who? 

Oh, um.  Hi!

This morning, I blasted my way through a couple sets of squats and deadlifts, calf raises and crunches, and I was feeling the powah (aaargh!) and then it got hot and I ate ice cream for lunch.

The weekly menu will be posted this evening, once I get back from a dip in the neighborhood pool.

Posted by Jenny at 5:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

Oh my... I don't know the last time I laughed so hard in my entire life.  Seriously. 

So, this morning, I decided to finally break it on down to the Jeff Costa Cardio Strip Tease Vol 1 DVD, that has been languishing on top of my entertainment cabinet since, oh, May.

Man, I didn't even make it through the opening credits without snickering like an eight-year-old. 

I mean, first of all, the guy who leads the class is Jeff Costa.  He apparently taught Carmen Electra, and she has gone on to Cardio Strip Tease her way through several DVDs.  So we can all acknowledge that he is The Man with CST.  But:

I don't know what I was expecting.  He was certainly fun to watch, and easy to follow, and he has a certain, campy appeal.  I just...

Yeah, I laughed my head off. 

And then I immediately thought to myself:  If I keep this up until BlogHer, I'm going to clean the dance floor with Y's aerobic dancing hiney.  But then I thought, no, she'll still win, but we'll have all sorts of damaging photo evidence from our CST vs. Aerobic Dance throwdown.  Either way, it's comedy gold, waiting to happen.

I have to say, the moves were easy to pick up, fun, and when performed by the darling girls on the DVD, really sexy.  On me, not so much.  First of all, none of the dancers they used were particularly, um, endowed in the boobs.  They shimmied, and it was cute.  I shimmied, and the neighbor's fence was knocked over. 

But still, I worked up a sweat, did a lot of hair tossing, pelvic-thrusted while saying "uh! uh!" and a few other choice moves, some of which I may attempt to capture on video for you, because I love you all just that much.  Jeff, The Man, says at the end of the video that I am clearly looking and feeling so much sexier, and you know, he's totally right.  I'm planning on walking exclusively using the burlesque walk from now on.  Because I'm hot - all from one little session of CST.

I will say that this is not a good DVD to attempt with the kids around... it's a little suggestive, but not obscene.  I'd be curious to hear from any of you that have tried Carmen Electra's DVDs.

So, Amy - although I was unable to find a local gym that offered this particular class, I worked it out.  And it was hilarious.  Thanks for the challenge!

Up next?  Belly Dance, and the Pump It Up with Toddlers Challenge with Dog-Crap Analogy Kim!

Posted by Jenny at 6:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBacks (0)

I do believe I can make a girlie little bicep!  Heeeeee!

I mean, clearly, I have SO far to go, but I have muscles under all that flab! 

I've been having technical difficulties over here, first with my camera, then with my old computer, and now that I have my new laptop, I'm having trouble once again with my camera.  Small Slice WILL be updated this morning, if it kills me.  And it won't, because I have muscles!

I don't know if any of you read Three Kid Circus, but I've mentioned over there my new obsession with Greek Yogurt (plain) drizzled with honey.  I finally got back to the store and scored a few cartons and I'm in heaven.  Seriously, how did I not know about this stuff before? 

Actually, it's probably good that I didn't, because I wasn't exactly a restrained eater, if you know what I'm saying.  Because even now, with my restraint and lady-like, dainty portions, I'm still tempted to go face down in a tub of this stuff. 

Anyway, I've been sticking with my menu this week, except for last night, when I enjoyed sliced apples dipped in yogurt with honey and almonds.  And when I say enjoy, I mean ENJOY. Hah.  The depths of my sickness are revealed to the internet.  Hello!  My name is Jenny, and I'm obsessed with yogurt!

Tonight is mini-pizzas.  I usually make the dough from scratch in my Kitchen-Aid mixer, using this recipe:

Basic Pizza Dough -

from James McNair's Vegetarian Pizza

1 tablespoon granulated sugar
1 cup warm (110 to 115 F) water
1 envelope (1/4 ounce) active dry yeast
3 1/4 cups bread flour
1 tsp salt
1/4 extra-virgin olive oil

Basically, you mix the sugar, water and yeast, wait to make sure it gets foamy, then combine 3 cups of the flour and the salt, and stir in the yeast mixture and the olive oil.  Then you knead it until it is smooth and glossy and no longer sticky, and then let it rise in an oiled bowl covered with plastic wrap until it doubles. (1 to 1 1/2 hours)

After it doubles, punch it down, squeeze it into a ball , roll it around in the oiled bowl again and  then cover the bowl tightly with plastic wrap and refrigerate that bad boy until the dough is puffy - 35 minutes to an hour. 

Then you form the pizzas - this makes 6 equal-sized mini pizza - about 8" across.

As I said, I normally do this by hand, with the mixer and then hand-kneading.  But then, DUH!  I remembered that my bread maker has a dough function.  I tried it the last time I made pizzas and it was perfect.  I'll be doing the bread maker routine this afternoon.  Unless any of you wants to see the non-cheater version.

I'm off to see what Steph has on her sadistic little mind for today's activity, and then I'll be finally taking on the Strip Tease aerobics, which has been sitting in a sad little NetFlix envelope all this time, waiting on me to get bold enough to work it out in my cluttered living room. 

Posted by Jenny at 9:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

I woke up this morning already exhausted... the last few days have been filled with family visits and the chance to hang out with one of my long-time friends and her darling family.  I have to confess - I've been unable to keep up the training pace of 30 minutes run/walk interval stuff I set for myself.  My shin splints are back, and I'm moping, instead of refocusing my attention.  I'm still managing at least 30 minutes of exercise a day, but I clearly need more.

Then, I clicked over to Steph's blog, and saw that she's laying down some simple fitness challenges for her readers.  I apparently need someone bossing me around, because I got all excited about yesterday's weight challenge, and even did three laps of my house crab-walking.  For the remainder of the Month of Motivation, I'm going to put my daily exercise stats at the bottom of each entry.

I've been eating well, and moving well.  I feel my muscles working as I move around, and I'm already stronger and more flexible.  I just wish the scale would make a dramatic move.

Mel is all about Naked Weight Loss Blogging...I agree that there is no running from the truth, and admitting how far we need to go, and where we are at now is powerful motivation.

That is, if you are a normal person.  Less than a month ago, I returned home from a vacation, and cringed my way through every photo I appeared in.  I am fat.  There is no sugar coating it.  Here's where it gets tough for me, though.  I have been working out, and eating well, and I've seen a change in my overall shape, no matter what the scale says.  I feel...well, not thin, but sassy.

And here is where I fail.  Every diet.  Every time.  Instead of embracing the sass and moving forward with the diet, I trumpet the modest success I've achieved, and begin to slip back to my old habits.  I feel the pull of that desire to just be okay with myself, with being heavy, with Big Slice panties, because it is surprisingly easy to like myself.  Unless I see it, I don't connect myself with the fat photographs. 

Not this time. Not this time. 

Let's hear your fitness challenges - I'm looking for quick, simple activities that I can do with the kids.

Day 18:  I've lost five pounds.  I've managed my eating.  I've exercised and even felt "the burn."  And although I'd love to just hit the drive-thru for a milkshake to celebrate, I'm going to take a photograph to remember why I have to keep going. 

Today's exercise:  20 minutes on the mini-trampoline, mostly jumping.  30 squats with 30 pounds total weight.  30 straight legged deadlifts with 30 pounds total weight.  30 calf raises with 15 pounds total weight.  50 crunches on the swiss ball, followed by 25 oblique crunches, each side on the swiss ball.  Then, ten lunatic minutes crab walking around my house at top speed, laughing like a loon.  Before bed, I'll do 25 minutes of yoga (my P.M. yoga tape)

Posted by Jenny at 8:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (0)

Alrighty - winners from the Guess This Food contest:

Everyone who commented!  I'm emailing you all today.  Special prizes for getting all the answers correct:

Mir
Elizabeth
Carrie
Carmen
Tara

I sat down in front of my pantry yesterday and just about cried.  I went shopping last week, and spent around $150 and came home with bags full of food, and yet, there was nothing to eat. 

I fell victim to my old mentality - food = quick and easy, no thought required meals, courtesy of a few boxes and freezer bags.  I was looking for something easy to fix, and all I saw were ingredients.  I'll admit, I was feeling mighty sorry for myself, when it dawned on me:  I was having a pity party because I had been too lazy to plan the week's meals before I shopped.  And I had plenty of food, I just needed to regroup.

This week, I'm going to keep the emphasis on easy, cheap and healthy foods.  I'm also coming to you live from a brand new computer, and have been struggling to get all my files and things moved around, so Small Slice has languished over on my sidebar, neglected and weepy.  No more!  I'll update all those meals I've been meaning to add, and from now on, will update daily.  Again.  Like I used to. 

I'm holding steady at 175 pounds, which is good news - but I'm still aiming for 169 by BlogHer - a mere two and a half weeks away.  I've got a lot of work to do.  And I'm fixin' to do it.

Monday night - Veggie Burrito from take-out place.  These are always huge, so I solemnly promise to only eat until I'm satisfied, and not stuff myself.

Tuesday night - Pasta with homemade pesto sauce, watermelon, steamed broccoli and cauliflower.

Wednesday night -  Tomato soup with green salad, sliced fruit and fresh bread.

Thursday night - Sweet potatoes topped with chili beans and greek yogurt, steamed green beans

Friday night - Homemade individual cheese pizzas topped with salad greens.

Saturday night - pan-seared salmon, sauteed veggies and french fries

Sunday night - Chicken shishkabobs, rice, sliced apples

Shopping List will be added this evening.

Posted by Jenny at 1:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

Y'all are a bunch of googling fools.  So many right answers!  So many right-ish answers, too!  I'm going to have to be more tricky for the next contest, I think.

SInce so many of you guys got them right, I'm calling it early.  Prizes for everyone!

For the record:  Here are the products in question -

SunnyD® Reduced Sugar
Cool Whip light
Reduced Fat Jif Peanut Butter Creamy
Diet Pepsi
Sugar Free Fat Free Instant Jello Chocolate Pudding

How do you feel about these products, after reading the list of ingredients?  Are you freaked out (like me) or fine with it (like Mel over at The Amazing Shrinking Mom) - I admit to still craving and occasionally eating these foods, albeit the full-fat, regular sugar varieties.  Better living through science is something that we, as good little consumers, tend to believe.  Should that apply to our food? 

Oy, my daughter is hauling me away from the monitor.  I'll post the names of the winners and the prizes in a bit. 

Posted by Jenny at 10:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

I know, I know.  I promised a contest... it is at the bottom of the entry.  Read on down, and find out how to play.

Somehow, despite the poor eating and the disorderly exercise over these last five days, I've managed to lose another pound.  I'm not going to question it.  I'm just going to do a happy little dance, and celebrate reaching 175.  Woo hoo!  That leaves me with six pounds to lose before BlogHer to reach my goal for my Month of Motivation.  Le me see, I've got 16 days to do it...I"m thinking it is doable.

I loaded the three kids up today and took them swimming at our pool.  We have a nice little pool for our homeowners association, and before today, I've always been terrified of taking my three houligans with no other adult to help.  Because, let's face it, taking three daredevil children with varying degrees of swimming ability to the pool, and then having fat issues on top of it all - it's not a really enticing idea. 

After our vacation in Florida, where I saw that no matter how you look at it, there is always going to be someone hotter than you, and someone who has even more weight to lose than you, and that is just the way it is.  In a sea of vacationing families, I blended into the crowd.  Gratefully, I might add.  Until I creamed my knee, and then I was a little conspicuous with the %&@^%#&% and blood and all.  Hah!

So, anyway, if I can bare my Big Slice swimskirted butt at a waterpark, I figured my neighbors could just deal.  And you know what?  No one gasped in horror as I strolled toward the pool.  No one averted their eyes, or made oinking noises.  Everyone was busy enjoying their own afternoon at the pool, with their own children. 

This just in:  I'm NOT the center of the universe!  I know.  I'm shocked, too.

After swimming around for an hour, we headed home to make dinner.  I know, next week - I'll make a real menu.  This week, I'm sort of scrounging around, using up things in my pantry.  I made a yummy pasta with a jack cheese-white sauce, with steamed broccoli and cauliflower and canned turkey meat (that I don't remember purchasing, but whatever) stirred in.  The kids ate it up, and had slices of watermelon for dessert, while I chowed down on half an avocado and two saturn peaches along with my serving of the pasta.

Have you tried saturn peaches?  They are the ones that look like they've been smushed.  If you can get them, give them a try.  They are amazing.

I'm going to do my PM Yoga DVD before I turn in, and start my day with AM Yoga in the morning.  I am shocked at how non-limber my body has become over the last few years...one day, one sun salutation at a time.  I also managed 10 boy pushups, but my stupid, stupid pectoral muscles are girlie and sad, and it is going to take me weeks before I can manage the 50 that Steph is waiting on. 

So!  Contest!  Here goes...

In The Fat Fallacy - Dr. Clower has these great quizzes in the beginnings of each chapter.  He lists the ingredients in a common food item, and gives a few hints to help readers guess what he's talking about.  Sound tough?  Take a look below - each of these five foods are popular, well-known brands found in supermarkets across the country.  Even more important - these foods are billed as Healthy Choices by their companies. 

Here's the challenge:  name these foods.  Leave me a comment with your answers, and I'll choose winners on Saturday morning.
 
1)  Heavily marketed to kids, this product has 50% less sugar than the original - yet still comes in at 13 grams of sugar for a single serving. 

Ingredients: WATER, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP AND 2% OR LESS OF EACH OF THE FOLLOWING: CONCENTRATED JUICES (ORANGE, TANGERINE, APPLE, LIME, GRAPEFRUIT), CITRIC ACID, MALIC ACID, ASCORBIC ACID (VITAMIN C), THIAMIN HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B1), NATURAL FLAVORS, MODIFIED CORNSTARCH, CANOLA OIL, SODIUM CITRATE, CELLULOSE GUM, XANTHAN GUM, SUCRALOSE, ACESULFAME POTASSIUM, NEOTAME, SODIUM HEXAMETAPHOSPHATE, SODIUM BENZOATE TO PROTECT FLAVOR, YELLOW #5, YELLOW #6.

2) This 'healthy' entry is a favorite of dieters who like a little something with their pie - or, you know, to eat straight out of the tub.

Ingredients: WATER, CORN SYRUP, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, HYDROGENATED VEGETABLE OIL (COCONUT AND PALM KERNEL OILS), LESS THAN 2% OF SODIUM CASEINATE (FROM MILK), NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR, MODIFIED FOOD STARCH, XANTHAN AND GUAR GUMS, POLYSORBATE 60, SORBITAN MONOSTEARATE, SODIUM POLYPHOSPHATES, BETA CAROTENE (COLOR).

3) This is one of those head-scratchers... why is all this stuff in here?  Natural food varieties have two ingredients.  TWO.  Also, Dr. Clower points out that Zinc Oxide is the stuff in diaper ointment - which hello...suspiciously close to DOG CRAP.

Ingredients: PEANUTS, CORN SYRUP SOLIDS, SUGAR AND SOY PROTEIN, CONTAINS 2 PERCENT OR LESS OF: FULLY HYDROGENATED VEGETABLE OILS (GRAPESEED AND SOYBEAN), SALT, MONO- AND DIGLYCERIDES, MOLASSES, NIACINAMIDE, FOLIC ACID, PYRIDOXINE HYDROCHLORIDE, MAGNESIUM OXIDE, ZINC OXIDE, FERRIC ORTHOPHOSPHATE, AND COPPER SULFATE.

4) Mmm.  Phosphoric acid and aspartame.  Now, that's healthy!  But hey, no calories!

Ingredients: Carbonated water, caramel color, aspartame, phosphoric acid, potassium benzoate       (preserves freshness), caffeine, citric acid and natural flavors.

5) This is another dieter's favorite, perfect for one of those low-points sweet fixes.  But what IS it?

Ingredients: MODIFIED FOOD STARCH, COCOA PROCESSED WITH ALKALI, MALTODEXTRIN, TETRASODIUM PYROPHOSPHATE AND DISODIUM PHOSPHATE (FOR THICKENING), CONTAINS LESS THAN 2% OF NONFAT MILK, NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR, SALT, SOY LECITHIN, CALCIUM SULFATE, XANTHAN GUM, MONO- AND DIGLYCERIDES (PREVENT FOAMING), ASPARTAME AND ACESULFAME POTASSIUM (SWEETENERS), RED 40, YELLOW 5, BLUE 2, ARTIFICIAL COLOR.

Alright - get to answering!  I've got some great prizes for this round, so guess away.

Posted by Jenny at 11:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (20) | TrackBacks (0)

Hello?  Hello?  Hey, can anyone hear me?

It's dark, and I can't see you.  Down here in the rut.  Hello? 

What is this thing on my head?  *yank*  Oh!  A gallon-sized ice cream box!  Well, I've heard that lactic acid is a good skin softener. 

Oh!  I'm in a rut!  Where's the wagon?  OH MY...hey!  There it is.  It's waiting for me.  I wonder if I've got any wet-wipes to get this ice cream off my face before I get back on. 

The best I can figure is that the wagon hit a very large bump, and I flew off the back, through a grocery store, and somehow all the ice cream flew out of the container in midair, and then it landed on my head when I fell in this rut.  Yes.  That is exactly what happened.

Stop laughing.

Of course, that doesn't explain the kettle corn kernals that were in my bra.  Someone else must have eaten a torso-sized bag of kettle corn at the fireworks last night.  And then they tripped, and somehow those kernals flew into my cleveage.  Yes.  Exactly. 

See, I knew there was an explanation.  Because otherwise, I would have to admit that I've been on a three-day non-healthy bender, with the occasional salad, and I suck and waaaaaaaaaaaaa!

I'm never going to be a teen model if I keep this up.  My month of motivation is still on, and I'm just going to strike these last days from my memory and get with the program.  Again.  And again and again and again.  Because apparently, I can't just be all disciplined and regimented. 

I've just slaughtered 20 minutes of Power Yoga, and I'll be doing my jog-walking thing in a bit.  I'm back on the wagon.  I'm laying down, covered with ice cream and popcorn, but I'm on it. 

New contest coming up - I'll announce it later this afternoon... check back, mmkay?

Posted by Jenny at 8:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (13) | TrackBacks (0)

Yeah, that's right.  I just discovered that I'm the number one search result for this. 

Posted by Jenny at 4:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

Month of Motivation - Week Two!

How did everyone do with the short-term goals you set for yourself last week?  Let's hear it!

As for me...

*hanging my head in shame*

I totally, totally blew it.  Instead of following my menu plan and my workout schedule, I ate not one but two fast food hamburgers on Saturday, skipped breakfast both days, and in general, snacked my way through the weekend.

I did, however, go for a 5-mile power walk on Saturday morning, and spent Sunday rearranging furniture.  My limbs are pleasantly sore today, so I know I got a good workout.

So, what happened over here?  I'll be blunt.  I got my period.  I didn't plan ahead for comfort foods that would be appealing to me, and not blow my healthy eating.  It happens every month - I have two or three days that are just awful, appetite-wise.  Lesson learned - plan for even smaller meals, more frequently on those couple of days, to ward off the snacking.

The good news is that despite the bloating, which normally sends my weight up a full three or four pounds - I'm currently exactly the same as I was on Friday - 176.8 pounds.  I'll have to check at the end of the week and see if the numbers have budged.

By the way, is it REALLY necessary for my scale to report that extra .8 pound?  Really?  Because I would be happy if it just rounded up or down.  Preferably down. 

I'm due for a filler grocery run, and a new menu.  I"ll be back later this afternoon with my menu and shopping list for this week.  The goal this week is to economize while still getting a balanced variety of foods. 

Posted by Jenny at 8:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)