It's Like Bacon
I was reading Mary Tsao's ode to her tanning days yesterday. She waxes sentimental about the smell of tanning lotion, the feel of the sun on your skin, the healthy glow of a good tan...
Now, personally, I'm a burn and peel kind of girl. The few times I've achieved a "good" tan have been hard won, with many aloe vera smeared, red-as-a-lobster days. Nonetheless, I find myself on the verge of a vacation, and my skin is dug-out-from-under=a-rock, hiney-white.
Yay me! I protect my skin. I wear SPF 10 Bazillion! I wear broad-brimmed straw hats and long sleeves and that is all well and good when it's 70 degrees and not humid. But I'm going to Florida, land of muggy weather. I am going to be showing some skin. And I gots me a lot of skin to show.
It is one of those things you hear, when you are a fat girl - tan fat looks better than white fat. Just like bacon. Is it true? I'm going to err on the side of probably.
So, I can't tan the sun way, and I am inept with those self-tanners. I wish I could afford a trip to a salon where they exfoliate and spray it on, because I figure it might turn me orange, but at least it would be an even orange.
Funny story - I took my husband on a getaway to Monterey, California for his birthday. Actually, he was still my boyfriend back then. I decided to fancy myself up for cheap, and dyed myself a streaky orange for the occasion. Despite my resemblance to an Oompa Loompa, we had a frisky, romantic weekend that resulted in my oldest daughter. I'm a leeetle scared of a repeat performance. I just can't trust that he'll be able to resist the tiger stripes, man.
Anyway, enter Benefit's Jiffy Tan. This is a tan colored gel/lotion stuff that you "lightly smooth" onto your skin, and it makes you look a pleasant brownish color. Not dramatic, mind you. Not orange. It has a citrus-y smell, but not overpowering. I bought this stuff last year, and gave it a try, and liked it, but then I kept putting it away and forgetting about it. The best part (IMO) is that it washes off with soap and water. No tan palms, and no fading over time. It's on until you shower, and then you're done. No harm, no foul.
This morning, I decided to give it a whirl. Behold! One leg with, one without. 
Also, admire the new skort and chubby knees. They would be so cute if I was three. I'm just sayin'.
What do you guys think? Natural? Weird? Is there something else out there that I must try? Should I just embrace my blotchy white skin?
With the impending vacation, I'm going to skip out on the menu for this week. I will continue to share my meals via Small Slice, but since I'm not shopping for a week's worth of food, let's just say we're going to wing it this week. Small servings! Eat slowly! Yadda yadda yadda.
Comments
Wow, man, you give a whole new meaning to the expression "a tiger in the bedroom."
Posted by: Becki | June 5, 2006 7:10 PM
Maybe it's just the picture, but I thought your "natural" leg looked better. And you aren't hiney white. I wish I could post a leg shot of my own for comparison. When I was a camp counselor, the first time I walked out to the pool deck, one of the campers grabbed his face and screamed "Oh, my eyes!! The glare from your legs blinded me!" Ha, ha.
Posted by: Ginny | June 5, 2006 8:02 PM
I say embrace your whiteness! I'm trying to start a trend, but no one is following me! Embrace your own naturall skin color!
(But hair? Hair can totally be colored and probably should be.)
Enjoy Florida. We went last July and it was approximately 800 million degrees out. Really lovely if you don't mind saunas.
Posted by: Mel | June 5, 2006 11:00 PM
What's wrong with being hiney white? I scare away small children, and THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE IT.
Posted by: Mir | June 6, 2006 6:44 AM
First I must say--cute shoes! Those shoes look like they are ready for some walking. I do believe that tan looks better, so I am voting for the leg with--it's shiny, and did you notice that your right ankle looks smaller? If you can wash it off everyday, you should certainly take it and at least give it a whirl for a couple days.
It sounds like your husband likes it too. ;)
Posted by: Deborah | June 6, 2006 9:14 AM
I think your natural leg looks pretty bronzed. Go natural I say
Posted by: Sher | June 6, 2006 11:48 AM
I love a good tan. Although I tan easily(and don't hate me), I have been focusing on gaining a tan in a healthier manner (sunscreen and a little sun at a time unlike when I was young and foolish and would try to get the ultimate tan in one day and just end up burnt and peeling).
But anyway...if you want to give the sunless tanners another try, here are three tips which should help:
1. Exfoliate before applying
2. Mix half sunless tanner and half regular lotion. It helps to prevent streaking.
3. Apply very sparingly around knees , ankles and elbows.
By the way, LOVE the skort. So cute and sporty!
Posted by: Cary | June 6, 2006 1:09 PM
I've never been tan. Don't have it in me. I used to wish I could get tan and would try anything. NOw, it's all white, all the time. I've learned to embrace the translucence.
But, I have toyed with the idea of a self-tanner now and again but I'm too cheap to buy any.
Posted by: tracey | June 6, 2006 8:41 PM
Jenny, you are cracking me up - the tiger stripes, the chubby knees, all of it.
I tried the Natural Glow lotions, and still wasn't satisfied. They smell okay when you apply them, but an hour or so later, they smell funny.
I have resigned myself to the fact that I make the snow look pale.
Posted by: mothergoosemouse | June 7, 2006 9:50 AM
The True Blue line from Bath and Body works has a nice self-tanner.
Also, I can vouch for the Monistat anti-chafing powder gel that they just came out with (for chafing thighs).
Have fun on your vacation!
Posted by: Mom Nancy | June 7, 2006 1:02 PM
First, cute skirt and shoes! And hey, your legs ain't bad lookin' either. You sure you wanna give this tiger tan another try? Could be dangerous. ;)
I think that tan stuff you got looks great and not fake at all. But I would definitely stick to the legs. I'm scared to use that tan stuff all over. Maybe my arms but definitely not the face. That's just me.
Also, it's humid as a hot shower in Florida. I hope that stuff doesn't come off on your clothes or end up all over your shoes. I mean, it would be funny for your readers, but maybe not so great for you...
Is this comment positive at all?!? You know, I actually think your original skin color looks pretty good.
Posted by: Mary Tsao | June 7, 2006 9:53 PM