Small Slice

We dragged ourselves out of bed this morning, stepped directly into our swimsuits and hit the pool.  I actually bought myself two new suits for this trip from a store that I chanced across - Avenue.  I normally hate shopping in plus-sized stores, but they had some nice stuff there.  I walked in, grabbed two suits, tried them on, they fit, I bought them.  Boom. 

Guaranteed, if I would have hit the mall, I would have been slightly hysterical and in the possession of a giant pile of unflattering suits.  I also bought a bunch of soft, comfy underpants.  I'm so all about the comfort factor - it's a good thing I'm just a naturally red-hot mama, huh?

Anyway, once in the pool, it dawned on me that 1) I had better figure out this internet connection.  Dial up.  AAAAAH. and 2) I was supposed to run a mile and a half today.  Me.  In Florida.  It's like, hot and stuff.  How is that going to work?  I'm a wuss, without my training partner.  KIM!! Go run for us both!

So, I decided to run in the pool.  That didn't work out so well.  I am sure there's a technique for doing it, and if anyone wants to enlighten me, I would be grateful.  I got bored with it, though, and decided I was going to take on the inflatable alligator.  Rrrroar.

I pulled it over to the edge of the pool, and tried to throw my leg over it.  It did a sort of half-assed death roll, and I went under.  I pushed it over to the shallow end, and tried again.  I managed to get one leg up on it, but when I did this weird little jump and tried to pull myself up onto it, it did the death-roll again, and down I went.  I like to make a splash, but this was getting ridiculous.

Perhaps, I thought, perhaps I should lay on it out of the water and sort of glide in.  I should know that I'm not exactly a gliding sort of girl. That didn't phase me, and I made my ill-fated attempt.  Here's how that went:  Lay the alligator on the pool side.  Lay on the alligator.  Huuuuuuuuughn.  The alligator is not moving.  I am still on pavement.  Huuuuuuuughn.  Nothing.  I push with my toes.  The alligator death-rolls into the pool, I bang my wrist on the side, and end up under the alligator.

What would Steve Irwin do?  What?  I know.  He would leap on it.  He'd take a running start, and jump on it and hold on to that suckah.  Yeah. 

I practiced a few times on the pool deck, and then I set that sheila into the water.  With a giant Aaargh, I took a running leap onto the back of the gator.  It held! I was on it!  For three seconds.  And then I was in the water, holding onto a rapidly deflating alligator.  I thought I popped it. 

So, I guess, in a way, I won, because it totally gave up the ghost.  But it turns out that the inflatable plug was just loose, and no permanent damage was done.  Yet. 

I'm fixin' to ride me a gator.  And tain't nothing gonna stop me.