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July 27, 2004

Just like a real toddler

I'll admit it freely. I am a potty training wuss. My youngest is 19 months.
She's been carrying around the bjorn potty for a month. She's watched the Once
Upon a Potty video a zillion times. You would think that I would have learned
after the first two kids. The Potty video instructs kids NOT to empty the potty
onto their head. My wunderkinds take this as a challenge. Someone once told me
that kids under a certain age don't hear the word 'no' and 'don't'. You say
Don't jump on the couch! They hear "Jump on the couch! (WAHOO!) Seems to be
true in my house. Okay, back to potty training. Today we took a victory lap at
Target, in celebration of our successful trip to the DMV. That's right. I'm a
briber. Thing number 700 on the pre-kids list of THINGS I WILL NEVER DO. I
suggest to all newly pregnant women that they keep one of these lists. It's
great comedy a few years down the road. The oldest wanted a Pretty Pony. My
son wanted something in a Brachidactyl. I know my dinos, and there is no such
thing. But whatever. My youngest is the only one of my kids to have any
interest in baby dolls. She loves to be a little mother. Actually, now that I
think about it, she loves to bring the dolls to me for me to give them gok-gok
(her word for nursing.) I rock them and pat them while she beams at me. Maybe
she thinks it's funny to watch me play with dolls. Hmmm... We cruised the doll
aisle, and I saw a likely winner. The Potty Training Doll by Fisher Price.
She's made from that groovy vanilla smelling vinyl and comes with her own dolly
sized potty. Aha! We can act it out and praise the dolly! What a fabulous
learning tool! On the way home from Target, the baby fell asleep. The two big
kids abandoned their new toys for the chance to make the doll pee. After force
feeding the doll and filling the potty a few times, I took it away and dried off
the floor and cushions where they had been playing. When the baby woke up, we
showed her the doll, explained that she used the big girl potty and gave her the
sippy cup to feed her 'baby'. Four hours later, and I'm still finding wet spots.
The doll, rather than sedately using her potty, has been piddling all over the
house. Yo! Fisher Price! Let's fit this thing with a microchip that only
releases the water when her plastic butt is firmly planted on the potty, eh?
How hard could it be to do that? My potty training aids have once again
abandoned me in my hour of need. Instead of a helpful tool to show my toddler
the joys of using the big girl potty, I've gained another kid with bladder
control issues. It's so realistic I could scream. That's it. I'm inventing the
Potty Lock Electronic Peeing Doll. I'll be rich. Can't you just see it in the
Right Start or Sensational Beginnings catalog?


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