Things I Have Been Meaning To Talk About, Part One
From time to time, I am offered the opportunity to try out a product. I usually turn these down, because frankly, I'm pretty lousy at reviewing products. I've decided that in the future, I'll avoid accepting anything unless it truly grabs my interest, because I'd rather focus my writing on more important things. Like ME.
But, in the interest of fairness to the good folks who shared their products with me, I'm going to take the next couple of Sundays to knock out some reviews. Because, in all honesty, I liked this stuff, and I'm just not all that clever at finding a way to weave it into my writing without having sound like a product plug. Which it is.
Let's just say I have NO future in advertising. Gah, enough stalling.
A while back, I received a box in the mail from the good people at Clorox. Perhaps they know that I'm the mother of three grubby little monsters. Perhaps because they've heard tell about my housekeeping skills and they realized that I would be all about germ destruction, In any case, they offered me the chance to test out the new Clorox Anywhere Hard Surface daily sanitizing spray. I pulled it out of the box, and put it on the counter and walked away.
See, I have a thing about harsh smells. The smell of most cleaners makes me sick, and I couldn't imagine that this would be any different. The back of the bottle promised "No harsh fumes" - so I tenatively squirted some on the counter.
And...nothing. No smell. Nada.
I glanced at the back of the bottle again. "Gentle enough to use around kids, pets and food."
I stuck my head out the door. "Kids! Come here for a minute!"
Visions of spraying the germ-carrying little monkeys down several times a day flew through my brain. I envisioned a haz-mat tent with misting sprays. After the winter we just had, with the pneumonia and infected sinuses and all, I was all "This! This is the answer to my prayers!"
I cradled the bottle in my arms, and then raised it aloft, while turning in a circle. Birds sang, and a sunbeam illuminated my twirling dance. I lowered it to my hip, and practiced my quick-draw move.
With a heaving sigh, I mouthed "thank you" to the heavens and took aim at my mystified children.
My finger twitched on the trigger. As I sighted along the top of the nozzle, my eyes drifted back to the logo.
Oh man. HARD SURFACE. My childen, although I could argue successfully that they are indeed hard-headed, are not hard surfaces. I stopped short of spraying them outright, and settled instead for gleefully spraying every surface in my home.
Guess What "D" Stands For?
The folks over at Aquafresh have launched a campaign to help parents get kids into healthy bedtime habits, and they are enlisting the help of Dr. Seuss, Marlee Matlin and Dr. Laura Jana to do it. The ABC's of a Fun, Healthy Bedtime campaign allows kids who purchase (or, okay, their parents who purchase) two Aquafresh Dr. Seuss products to receive a Dr. Seuss book free by mail. Not only that, Aquafresh will donate 10,000 Healthy Bedtime Kits, containing toothpaste, a toothbrush and a Dr. Seuss book to First Book.
In their promotional handout, they are promoting an ABC routine where A = Aquafresh, B = Books and C= Covers. The goal is to have kids brush teeth, read a few books and then to sleep.
This is brilliant. I've been pawing through this, looking for the magic part where the kids agree that after brushing, after books, they will meekly go to sleep.
See, in our house, we brush. We read. And then we tuck them under the covers. And then they have to pee. Okay. Back to the covers. Then they are hungry. And thirsty. And have to pee again. And want to listen to music. No, not that music. How about another book? Oh, I should brush my teeth again.
They really like the taste of the Aquafresh, it seems. Or maybe they just don't get it that bedtime is nigh.
Perhaps I could conk them over the head with the Dr. Seuss book and then they would lie still and proceed directly to sleep. Perhaps I need to swaddle them with the covers. Or perhaps they mean "duck and cover" - I should hide myself until all demands are exhausted and they put themselves to sleep.
In fact, I'm eagerly awaiting the arrival of letter D. What do you suppose D stands for?
3) Disco Dancing?
If you guessed Dr. Seuss, you would be wrong. Very, very wrong.