Here We Go Again
The weather has been a balmy, spring-like 70 degrees for the last week, and I am completely unable to get anything done, due to early onset Spring Fever. We have this every year, late January or early February - we have warm temperatures long enough to freak all the plants in my yard out and start them blooming, and then we get another freezing month or two, thereby killing all the buds. Good times.
Of course, this also means my allergies are kicking in, so I've been sniffling and wiping tears from my eyes. I've been telling people it is tears of joy. They just sort of back away slowly.
Yesterday, my son had his "piano party" - where my sister (his teacher) hosts a group of kids to practice playing for each other before the coming recital. While he was there, I took the girls to the park next to my old middle school. They sprinted off into the play structure, and I wandered around the edges, keeping a eye out, but relishing the mental quiet. It has been a week since my husband has been home to help deflect the barrage of conversation.
I watched as all the other parents gathered in clumps and chatted, while their kids played. I watched while both of my daughters instantly made friends with the other kids, and my youngest talked the ear off of any parent in range. I stayed just outside the conversational range, and let her do her thing, and waved occasionally at her and the other kids.
I don't know why I couldn't bring myself to make friends, too. I just didn't want to hear any small talk right then. I didn't want to have to exclaim over how cute little Saffron looks on the slide or admire little Indigo's organizational skills. (I grew up in a very, um, alternative-lifestyle-friendly, eco-aware, strange-kid-names-are-the-norm kind of place.) Instead, I wandered around the perimeter and enjoyed watching my girls have at it. Even though I wasn't mixing it up, I felt very much at home, and very much at peace.
I've thought about moving back to my hometown in the next few years. With the real estate market in free-fall, it has become almost within reach to buy a home there (despite the sucker-punch we've taken on our own home's value.) I don't know if I have the fortitude to do what it takes to get our house ready to sell. Besides, we really like the kids' school. I don't know if it is worth doubling or tripling our mortgage for a fourth bedroom, and maybe a rural setting. I have pushed that thought away repeatedly over the last few years. We aren't moving any time soon. But for the first time, a little bit of possibility crept into my heart.