Okay, so I've only been reading you for a few months, but today's post? You had me rolling on the floor. I'm usually the one that watches the infommercials and THINKS about ordering but I don't usually do it.
However, my husband talked me into getting the Red Exerciser. He said he wanted it but he suggested that maybe I might "enjoy" it. I have to tell you that the DVD that came with it looks like someone did it in their living room and the guy leading these two girls (who look like morons!) sounds about as exciting as a VERY boring lecture on the mating habits of houseflies.
Oh, and then it sat in my living room - IN MY LIVING ROOM - for several weeks so that "we would be motivated to use it." I think my son (5)is the only one that used it (it's like this stool that you swing back and forth on) and he used it to spin things off really fast and he also used it to help him scale the front windows!!
Anyway, it's still around here somewhere. I'm embarassed to give it away because I don't want anyone to know that I have such a stupid, crappy piece of "exercise equipment!"
Sorry so long - have no blog of my own, but I'm loving yours!!
Melissa

I still kind of really want the weighted hula hoop.

I've had:
the thighmaster (I and II!)
healthrider
trampoline shoes
lots of bungee thingies

Oh boy, oh boy. Okay, here goes...two words: Thigh|Master. Yep, I said it, thigh master. I stumbled upon an infommerical one fine night, or early morning and there it was, the answer to my problems. "They" told me I could sit and use this little device and all would be right with the world. I called, they accepted my money and in 7-10 days it arrived. It was a disaster from the word go, I used it a few times, hated it; used it again, pinched myself really bad - threw it in the box and left it for 2 YEARS until I put it the "FREE" box at a garage sale. That was my one and ONLY infommercial fitness purchase. My husband and I have been wanting Wii fit since we first heard about it. Thanks for offering such a great prize - I'm sure it's WAY better than the Thigh Master. Oy Vey!

How have I never heard of the Red Exerciser?

http://www.redexerciser.net/

Duuuuuude! Melissa's on the board!

Alright, crockpot lady, in your defense, I will say the hula hoop, while painful, is actually fun and I can see how it may be effective someday.

The healthrider trampoline shoes? Are they like these? http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00007BKUN/qid=1136959334/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/103-8658157-9001436?v=glance&s=imaginarium&n=507846

Shelly! Thigh! Master! Aw yeah.

ah yes...a fellow ambassador. sweeeeet. ; )

I'm DYING to hear your take on the Wii Fit. Forget about Sarah Harding being the New Face of Wii Fit. I nominate Tracey.

I am jealous of you and Tracey and your WII PARTIES!!

However, I will put my jealousy aside to spread the word of your contest and post (or repost haha) and entry of my own.

I'm going to write my embarrassing fitness purchase.

I heard about this product called the 'Hawaii Chair' and how it can create slimmer abs with the "ancient art of the Hula". Yes, I should have known what I was getting into. Not only does this piece of junk not work well, you look like a FOOL while using it. One only needs to see a person using it to understand. It's like riding a wooden roller coaster, neck strains included! It is the most ridiculous piece of equipment I've ever bought. I sold it within a week. Can you blame me?

While we are on the topic of the Wii, I saw an article online that was talking about a new wii game. It's being dubbed 'Wii Strip'... yes, a stripper pole Wii game.
http://www.abcnews.go.com/Technology/story?id=4680562
Imagine the workouts you could get with this game! LOL. If only I had a wii, darn.

Hawaii Chair! Bwahahahahahahaa! http://www.hawaiichair.com/hawaii/

Also, I don't even know what to say about the pole dancing workout. Have you seen the wii pii pii game?

Oh, the misery and embarrassment. But still, I buy and try.

Okay -- I've had the thighmaster (to be truthful, I still have the thighmaster, but now it's in a box), an exercise bike, a real bike, a treadmill (still have it, and it's dusty), paid memberships to gyms that I never used, and have bought a plethora of videos and DVD's that I don't exercise to -- the worst being a video of a BUNS OF STEEL that when I did the workout routine -- 1 time -- my buns and legs hurt so badly I missed work for a day!
I really hope I win!

I bought some small size free weights as I neared the end of my pregnancy. I had been going to the gym every day for a few months before I got pregnant and 2 weeks until I delivered. I somehow thought I was going to keep doing my workout after my baby arrived. I never used those weights at all! They still sit in the back of the baby's closet with all his infant gear.

So, here is my lack of fitness story. I have not purchased a bunch of cool sounding infomercial exercise equipment (Hawaii chair!) but I would love to get the Wii fitness to help me out with losing the 30 lbs from the 5 year ago pregnancy. I seem to try to get on the exercise bandwagon about once per year. Something always seems to go wrong.

The first year, I got a second hand treadmill from a friend. I finally decided to get on the bandwagon and use it. After about two weeks, it stops working mid stride. That was it for that year.

I finally replaced that treadmill with a new elliptical machine. I promptly broke my big toe (not while using the machine but it was still very painful). That was it for year two.

Of course it only took 6 weeks for my toe to heal but the elliptical sat around for a year before I tried to use it again. I was using it regularly when my stomach decided not to be very regular. I had bad stomach cramps for about two weeks, which turned out to be Crohn’s disease. I was down and out with that for a few weeks, which turned into a year of not working out.

Just a few weeks ago, I decided to use that towel hanger for what it’s supposed to be used for – exercise. After about a week I got a rash that I thought was from sweat around my sports bra. It turned out to be shingles. For those of you who don’t know, shingles is like getting chicken pox in your nerves. All I could do is lie on the couch with an icepack across my boob.

I am finally healed from that and I don’t think I’m going to wait a year before exercising again. Both of my kids are finally old enough to be in camp all day over the summer. This is the time that I have been waiting for to get my pre-pregnancy body back again. I just hope the plague doesn’t hit me.

OMG, Donna W. - that's quite a run :)

I will have to say that I am to a sucker of the exercise infomercial.

1.I have the 6 week body make over, which I have done for 1 week 6 different times (I'm not sure if that was how it was intended).

2. I have the ab lounger, for which my daughter loves to lounge on and watch TV.

3.I have the core body DVD with the huge fitness ball. This happens to be one of those that you sign up for a subscription to get the fitness ball and first DVD, and then you have to call and cancel when you no longer want them to send you anymore DVD's. I don't think I need to tell you how many of those were sent to the house before I actually called and cancelled.

4. And of course I have many of the Tao Bo DVD's. Basically they are all the same with a slightly different title.

5. Last but not least I have the Gazzle. You know the one that Tony Little does the informercials for. My daughter loves it. She uses it as and indoor swing. It also makes a good place to hang your towels after you shower.

Oh the list..it could go on forever. Back in college, I was active and healthy. Grad school--well, not so much and thus began my foray into the crap products.

Abroller--yep, had one, nope it didn't work.

Jane Fonda--yes, the ones where she's wearing leotards and leg warmers--workout tapes. Checked out from the library in 1995.:) The newer ones purchased at a garage sale in 1996.

Buns of Steel-purchased several makes of these and couldn't make it through the first 15 minutes, even when I WAS in shape.

Expensive bike to "ride to health"--um yeah. This is when I realized that to really get any REAL exercise/health benefit out of it, you have to ride for MILES and MILES and MILES. Yeah, I wasn't.

I got the right sneakers for every activity--running (which I NEVER did), court sports (which I did for a time), tennis shoes for the tennis game I still intend to take up (some 10 years later).

Yoga mat and bag for the class I took until I delivered my first. Still sitting in the closet where I left it the day before labor began (ooohh, some 6 years ago).

Oh--almost forgot..what about magnets? I did those too! Supposedly helped with weight loss and "required" less work to lose weight. Magnetic bracelts and belts to wear under the shirt...supposed to stimulate blood flow..yada yada, yada. Um yeah, didn't work.

Walking your way to fitness book--Denise Austin, I think. Maybe opened twice after it got home with me.

Resistance bands..just the bands, not the nice ones with the handles. I had to tie one end to the door knob and hoped it stayed--it often didn't! Or wrap underneath my foot and do curls. Of course, I had to actually DO the exercises. That failed after about two weeks.

I tried the stroller exercising with my Graco (required for the kid anyway). It was a pain. Too hot.

Oh roller blades. I was going to go down every sidewalk in my neighborhood. Then I realized how totally absurd I looked and felt and could never get the hang of it. They remained in the closet after about 3 weeks of use. Sold "like new" in a garage sale a few years back.

I still have my skis from high school--18 years ago. Not used since 1993 and I can't fit into the boots/bindings anymore, yet they sit in my garage. I also live in the south now with no mountains within at least 5 hours of driving.

So I must admit that I only stumbled across your blog recently but your post on previous fitness purchases (especially the trampoline) nearly made me pee my pants, which brought me back to my own embarrassing fitness story. I’ll admit that it’s not a purchase story per se, but if you’re looking for embarrassing then I’m sure that I’ve got that covered. In fact, I hope you'll consider it a testament to how much I REALLY WANT that Wii Fit that I'm sharing this story in public, for the first time. Here goes...

Last summer, after an unfortunate miscarriage in which I gained 10 lbs. instantly but found that my body wanted to give those pounds a permanent home afterwards (in general, my body has a knack for giving a home to pounds that others may have lost), I decided to try out a month-long "Boot Camp" class at my YMCA, where I go for my occasional workout. Day 1 nearly had me in tears and having traumatic flash backs to freshman basketball days because the guy actually thought he was a drill sargeant and yelled at us, saying that if he caught us during some running exercise that we'd have to keep running. If you can believe it, I made it back for Day 2, which brought a new instructor who did much less yelling but much more weights, lunges, sprints, running up 6 flights of stairs (multiple times) and other tortuous exercises.

On the morning of Day 3, I was so sore that I honestly could not get out of bed without the help of my husband nor could I sit on the toilet without a good deal of cursing and exertion. Unfortunately, I had to go into work because of a deadline so I SLOWLY made my way through my day, holding in my pee until late in the afternoon because I wanted to avoid the pain of sitting down.

When the bladder finally threw up the white flag, I made my way to the women's room at my office. I had to pee like a racehorse but also was in severe muscle pain, so I did my best to get my pants down and get myself down onto the seat as quickly as I could under the circumstances. To help myself, I grabbed onto the toilet paper dispenser to help lower myself down onto the seat. Unfortunately, the dispenser gave way, broke clear off the wall and I did a graceful fall (pants down & all) into the gap between the toilet and the stall wall. As if that wasn't embarrassing enough, all of the pee that I'd been saving up started leaking out AND there was someone in another stall who asked "are you ok over there?" I let out a weak little "yeah", struggled to get up, finish peeing (not on myself thankfully), clean myself off and pull up my undies and then I got the hell out of there before the other person could finish up their business and see that it was me. I went to my desk, picked up my purse and left for the day, convinced that I had done enough to dignify myself for the day, the year and possibly even my lifetime.

Flash forward a few weeks and I'm proud to report that I finished the full 4 weeks of boot camp and my reward for all of that hard work was a total weight loss of a whopping TWO pounds.

To sum up: 4 weeks of torture + unbearable pain + broken toilet paper holder + falling on the floor of a grimy office women’s room, pants down, pee leaking = 2 pounds. Yea me!

The End.

Just too funny. Thanks for the laugh!
genny
www.mycup2yours.com

OK, I'm gonna have to think about my own story, but I just can't wait to think and post and then comment - GIRL. You. Got. That. Horsy. Thing.!!!??? Nu! Uh! Girl! I never really met anyone... I am cracking up... that thing is hilarious! So much.

I have an entry up! Yay for free, healthy crap!

I have no website and would have a hard time topping these stories but I have purchased in the past 25 years the following hardly used items:

2 exercise bikes (clothing racks),
1 regular bike,
1 treadmill,
2 pairs of rollerblades,
1 thighmaster,
6 gym memberships,
1 exercise ball,
10 different videos,
5 separate Weight Watchers memberships,
1 local pool pass,
2 yoga mats,
1 yoga course (went once),
2 raquetball raquets,
1 tennis raquet,
1 pair tennis shoes,
2 softball gloves,
1 pair softball shoes,
2 pair water sandals and several hand/leg weights.

I'm sure the Wii Fit will be the one I stick with...

You know those Swedish exercise balls? I bought one, it came in a kit with a book (that has never been opened), 1 band made of rubber; if I had said a rubber band maybe you would have thought, "What the hell is that for?", 3 DVDs and a pump. Pumping the ball full of air is a workout in itself!

I live in a tiny apartment, so I had to move every thing out of the way so I could watch the DVD as well as use the ball. The lady on the video wanted me to lay on my back, put the ball between my ankles and bring my legs back over my head. I can't do that even without a ball between my ankles! I ended up skipping that part.

Anyway the more into the video I got, I noticed I'd moved farther away from the TV and kept advancing to the right.

I was sitting on the ball...kind of bouncing up off it. I didn't put enough (or maybe I put too much) air in the ball and it popped, the coffee table I had moved prior to my exercise found itself in the path of my head. I went ass over teakettle and just as it happend my boyfriend walked in to see my legs up in the air and me swearing profusely.

It was an awesome day.

i have had the ab roller, thigh master, stretchy thing that fits over the door enough, free weights, ab lounge, exercise bike, treadmill (i fell on it and the belt ate a big chunk of my sweatpants!), numerous videos and dvds, and tons of books with complicated diagrams.

but the stupidest thing i ever bought wasn't to exercise with, but to wear while you exercise- those plastic pants that will make you burn fat! they will also make your underwear wet and make sweat run out of the bottom of the legs. it looked like i was peeing in my pants! for that matter, i could have been tinkling a river and no one would have been any the wiser. eventually, i had a blow out and had to patch them with electrical tape. yes, my ass is still huge!

i would really like to win the wii. i promise NOT to use it while wearing plastic pants!

thighmaster- STUPID

Tony Little's Gazelle- MAKES ME SEASICK

Treadmill- out to kill me

Yoga DVDS- um, yeah. fuck that.

Pilates DVDS. Double the above statement.

Walk away the pounds DVD. Not too bad. Kind of amusing to watch to watch while eating ice cream and laying on the couch.

I have no funny stories, but there is my list of shame.

Once, I tried to chew gum instead of snack when I was bored. I went through a whole pack of gum in one day. That's pretty much it for me.

I had a treadmill that I made 2 of my friends carry up 3 flights of stairs for me...and I used it once; got bored, turned it into a clothes hanger.

I'm staring at a Gazelle Edge right now (yes, in my living room), and have used it just a few times, for about 2 minutes each. ugh.

I bought a yoga CD with the ball, matt, everything! The first time (& second & third before I gave up), I put the CD in, and promptly fell asleep.

A wii should at least make it FUN, right?

Two words.... TOTAL TIGER

(Here's the link for full visual enjoyment http://www.asontv.com/fitness/total-tiger.html)

This stupid machine, if you will, was in fact no machine. It was chrome blue in color and the basic principle of this "machine" was to work your abs. The "machine" is in three pieces. One to pad your knees and hold your feet and two other pieces on wheels with handles. My dumbass first decides to used this on carpet to no avail so I then decide to take it to the garage. In the videos it shows how a rather tiny woman, who probably never had issues in the first place, in a push-up position elegantly swaying back and forth to maximize the obliques. I thought to myself, "dang toothpick girl can do it so can I". Sure I can. So, I position myself on padded blue ugliness on the smooth, hard concrete and no longer put my hands on the rolling contraption and did a face plant on the concrete chipping the fresh bonding I had done the previous week. Try embarrassing contraption PLUS cracked teeth all for the low-low price of $119.95!!

You did NOT buy an iGallop ... say it isn't so!??? Because if it is, I'm totally coming over because I want to see this thing in real life.

My most prized possession: the very very absolutely first Buns of Steel VHS tape with that pole vaulter, Greg somethingsomething. Yeah, baby!

Oooooo, I SO want to be in this! I already posted an entry for today, rest assured I'll be blogging lots of embarrassing stuff tomorrow.

Right after I bake oatmeal raisin cookies. Damn those church luncheons!

Oh no...I got one of those Yoga Booty Ballet CD's, complete with that stupid ass little blue ball. You just try doing exercises and contorting yourself in all sorts of fun ways while trying NOT to shoot the ball from your thighs...I'm fairly certain that, 1) my dog hated when I did my exercises, she is not the ball chasing kind and got hit many a time by a flying blue ball...and 2) I honestly, seriously, 100% broke a picture from said flying blue ball.

I promptly trashed the CD, deleted my "Beach Body" membership that came with the CD ANNNDDDDDDD...punctured the ball, deflated it and trashed it all while laughing very evil-like! LOL

I "absolutely" had to have my own eliptical (sp?) ellyptical (?) whatever, I had to have one. So I found one on craigslist, drove over an hour to see it and bought it on the spot. I rode it three times. That thing kicked my ass. I even tried it with a beer. (you need refreshment, right?) All to no avail. It has sat on my front porch covered in dust for the past 14 months. My 6 yr old son will get on it from time to time and it makes me breathe heavy watching the little sucker.

The stupidest thing I bought for exercise was a gym membership. Oh, I'm sure you are thinking, that's not stupid. That's actually a reasonable purchase. And it Would Have Been, except I never went.

There was the time I went in and the gym smelled. I mean, really? Can you work out when it smells like that in there?

Then there was the time that George Bush was on the TV. I simply couldn't watch THAT while trying not to fall off a treadmill.

I also tried water aerobics. And I kept going under and gagging and sputtering, but people twenty years older than me were dancing and getting their underwater groove on? I couldn't face THAT again.

I tried a spin class taught by Satan herself, and I thought I would die. I couldn't get off my sofa for three days. Some wholly unkind person notified me that Miss Satan was, indeed Pregnant- and if she could ride like the wind pregnant, and I was winded before I got my feet in the pedal stirrups, there was no hope for me.

I tried a step class, not realizing it was an advanced step class. I spent the entire class on the step when everyone else was off, and facing forward whilst everyone was looking at ME. Stepping was just not for me.

I paid my monthly dues, and I drove by and said, THAT'S my gym! But as soon as I possibly could, which was twelve long months of payments later, I went in and cancelled the Worst Exercise Move I've ever made.

No way I can win this one since I haven't made any truly ridiculous purchases in THAT department. Not gonna stop me from trying, though. That wii fit thing makes me want to turn to a life of crime.

http://www.wannabehippie.com/blog/2008/5/15/but-i-want-it-please.html

let's see... the most embarrasing story thus far in my excercise experience.

After having baby I gamely joined a gym 3 months later after getting the thumbs up from Doc. Bouncing and huffing and making all sorts of unladylike noises was hardly the way for me so I decided instead to take up running. But not until after I have a "running wardrobe". Because you CAN NOT just run in any old thing you know. Fast forward 4 or 5 months to when I actually decide to start, I get all prettied up, throw on my MP3 player, bought just for the occasion, and make my way down the road. Pretty soon I'm labouring to breath and as I'm sucking in air like a 300 pound cat with asthma it happens. I suck in a bug at the same time. Instant gag response and I'm throwing up on the sidewalk while people drive by honking. Then I'm crying out of exhaustion, humiliation and joy. (An excuse not to run already! Hurray!)So I make my way back down my very short road and collapse in a heap in front of my boyfriend, who thankfully, know not to even make a peep in reply to my condition. And that my friends, is my excercise story.. next year perhaps I'll try again.

I am a longtime blog lurker, but visions of Wii consoles and tiny Nintendo logos and the idea of divesting myself of a stubborn layer of stomach blubber are dancing through my head (they've replaced the sugarplums, actually, which is probably a good thing as I assume sugarplums would be rather high in carbs), and so I am stepping out of the shadows and submitting myself to public fitness ridicule in hopes of becoming a proud Wii exerciser.

My relationship with fitness purchases is closely tied to my relationship with my own inherent clumsiness. It's not the diet or the exercise itself that I find daunting, but what is for me the extraordinarily arduous task of physically coordinating my arms, legs, and that part of the body that grinning, glistening fitness instructors love to refer to as the "core." As ordinary walking sometimes proves challenging for me, the idea of fitness DVDs with exercises that I could perform in the privacy and seclusion of my own home was at first immensely appealing. While studying in my dorm room at three in the morning, snacking on rice crispies treats pilfered from the dining hall, a lively young man named Shaun T began to shimmy his twelve-pack abs across my television screen to the sounds of hip-hop music, and his silvered tongue quickly convinced me that I too could slim and tone my midsection while learning the hottest dance moves straight out of the nightclubs of Los Angeles. I picked up my phone, got the free rush delivery for ordering in the first ten minutes, and soon was excitedly popping in the first DVD. What happened next can only be described as catastrophic. I galumphed about my room with all the rhythm and style of a baby elephant, flailing my arms about my head as I tried to "raise the roof," kicking my legs in a manner better suited to Russian folk dancers than L.A. clubgoers. Finally, above the intoxicating hip-hip beats, I began to hear the sound of obnoxious laughter, and looked out my foolishly open window to see an entire contingent of fraternity members drinking in my hilarity-inducing moves like cheap beer on a Saturday night. Thus, my hip-hop ab workout died a quick and humiliating death.

Shortly thereafter, I decided to try a different tactic and join a gym, and received a free personal training session upon enrollment. The tanned young gentlemen gazed down upon me over his massively protruding pecs and proclaimed that he didn't usually work with people who had "as much work to do" as I did, but he was willing to give it a try. He tossed my saggy, cellulite-dimpled butt onto a treadmill, directed me to "run like hell" for fifteen minutes, and told me he'd be back. Remember that part where I expressed difficulty directing my limbs to move in a coordinated fashion? Well, the moving track on a treadmill proved to be far too much for my meager coordination skills to navigate. I huffed and puffed and stumbled for about half a minute. The next thing I remember is waking up on the floor, surrounded by other gym patrons and a variety of hard-bodied staff members, my limbs askew and my belly fat exposed for all the world to gaze upon. A massive black and purple lump was already ominously bulging from my forehead. From the account of a kindly elderly man who was walking on the machine beside mine, I apparently tripped over my own feet, slammed headfirst into the "Calories Burned" display (which read 20 at the time), and went shooting gallantly off the end of the treadmill, a blur of white flesh and black spandex catapulting through the air.

I limped away with a concussion, two chipped teeth, a broken toe, and severe inoperable damage to my sense of dignity. At this point, I know that it is unhealthy for me NOT to exercise, but I can't help but wonder if actually exercising could prove to be MORE dangerous in my particular case. Those fears aside, I'm still holding out high hopes for the Wii Fit. I figure if my dignity is already destroyed, what else is there to lose but weight? And by the way, if I win the Wii and subsequently injure myself, as I seem prone to doing, I promise everyone involved that I won't sue.

I posted my shame for an attempt at this great give away. I wanted to alert you becasue I am new to this blogging thing and sincerly doubt I have any "readers".

Well, you made me laugh my ass off. (is that exercise!?)

My entry is on my blog:
http://claresauntie.typepad.com/fiftycenthead/2008/05/wiill-get-fit-t.html

Back in the day, I took Jazzercize classes and cardio kickboxing. I was able to do that you-should-be-able-to-talk-while-exercising-if-you-can't-you-then-ease-up thing the exercise gurus always told you. Fast forward to now, after the birth of 2 children and working a desk job. I can barely make it up the stairs without begging for mercy. Plus I live in the cheese and beer state...and am getting The Butt That Ate Milwaukee. A Wii would help me fight The Butt, cuz right now it's winning the battle. Added bonus, my kids would think that I'm the coolest mom ever if we had a Wii!

I bought the pilates video with the little black stretchy hula-hoop lookin thing that goes around your thighs, and pulled my butt muscle trying to keep it from sliding down my sweaty leg, and I also bought "The Firm", yes you know the exercise video with a bunch of pretty, skinny little exercise nazis who never break a sweat and can hold a conversation with you, while you collapse on the floor in a puddle of your own sweat, panting and swearing at them in between gasps.
I am also one of the hopefulls that has tried numerous diet pills, while not exercising or eating right, thinking I would loose some weight. On the upside my normally mellow self gained a new high strung personality before they ditched the effedrine.

The Gym: Round One
Many, many moons ago, I got my first job: I was to wrangle children in a 10x10 room of the local gym that hosted my brother’s Tae Kwon Doe. Come to find out…my job came with the perk of free membership and tanning. Since I am just about the color of white bread, tanning wasn’t such a perk. But use of the gym seemed lovely. So Kirby in his lovely, skin tight wife beater and matching men’s workout pants (I call them hard body hammer pants) put me on a circuit training regimen to ‘tighten me up’. In addition, he suggested I attend his sister’s cardio/strength classes a couple times a week. Circuit training-great. Being told by a 5’2” freak of nature “Come on, you can do it, I’m old, you’re young, you can do it”…not so great. This lasted right up until Kirby started giving me the creeps.

Baby # 1 and The Home Gym
After MZ was born and I realized he DIDN’T weigh 57 pounds, I decided something had to be done. While I was never super thin, I also was never fat. Now, I was fat. I was living with my parents at the time and my 5’10” 140 pound mother did nothing but remind me of this. My parents had spent many thousands of dollars on gym equipment in the past, but it was all set up in the garage…never to be used. Hmm, wonder why…June in Houston. So after many, many nights of begging and pleading I convinced my stepfather to give up part of his office for a new home gym. We dusted everything off, disassembled the things and moved the total gym, the stair climber, the mini trampoline and the bike up one and a half flights of stairs, only for me to realize that even if you are inside working out, you still sweat. I’m not a glistener, I sweat like men sweat when the do construction in Phoenix in July. After a couple weeks, the room just smelled bad, so he kindly asked me to stop.

The Nordic Track
A few months later we were living with my in-laws. I decided to give their Nordic Track a whirl. I swear, Jesus used that thing to stay in shape. To old, jerky, noisy for me.

WestPac and Slender Lady
Just after my son turned two, the Navy deployed my husband for 6 months. So a girlfriend and I decided to join Slender Lady (very similar to curves) and I loved it. This was also about the time this friend and I invested in the ‘smelly markers’. It’s easy…whenever you’re hungry, just sniff the markers and your hunger disappears. Lost some weight, felt great, but then the hubs came home and said my working out was inconveniencing him, so I quit.

Tae Bo
Billy Blanks’ brother was actually stationed on our base when I bought this series. Every time I saw Master Chief Blanks (who looks just like Billy) I wanted to tell kick his ass and tell him what a #@*$ up his brother was. For my husband’s career, I stopped.

Baby #2 and the horrid Valentine’s Gift
After my second baby…I was really fat and out of shape. So for Valentine’s Day my husband bought me a treadmill. I used that thing religiously in conjunction with a horrid array of diet pills some quack doctor prescribed me, lost 50 pounds and left his ass. A treadmill for Valentine’s Day? What did he think was going to happen?

Happy Fat
Then I met my husband and well, we got happy fat together. When I went back to the quack doctor the last time I weighed 135 pounds and he refilled my script again. I realized at this point, he was just giving out meds and I was addicted. So, I stopped and that’s when the happy fat came. Not to say I didn’t try to do things: I, too bought the 6 minute collection. Ha! Then I tried going back to the gym on base. The gym isn’t that effective when you follow your workouts with a protein smoothie, a handful of cookies, and a nap. Then I went back to the treadmill. Been there, done that.

Wow! I've spent alot of money on crap!
List of current workout DVDs:
Yoga Booty Ballet
Carmen Electra Strippercise
6 minute collection
5 (yes FIVE) shipments of Bender Ball
Billy Blanks bootcamp
Billy Blanks Tae Bo
Jillian Michaels’ Shred (she is pure evil)
The best part of all these is the last time I tried to hang with Billy my husband walked in about 5 minutes into it. Imagine walking in the house to find your wife drenched in sweat, sitting on the couch, eating a pint of Ben and Jerrys. “Babe, that Sh*t is way harder than it looks.” His response? “I know, babe, move over and gimme a bite.

Wow, there's lots of years of bad fitness history. I was a wanna be bodybuilder in the 80's. The one and only gym membership I ever used. The thighmaster, ahhh yes, the thighmaster. How can I forget the trip to the emergency room with the broken nose? I never did master my thighs... I've had two pairs of Roller Blades; one before kids which actually got used because I wasn't afraid of falling down to stop, and the new pair which were bought to keep up with the kids on their bikes and DON'T get used because if I fall and break myself (likely), who will make sure the kids get home safe? I'd say my most embarrassing fitness purchase was a Cher aerobic video. The embarrassing part was that it was Cher, in her costumed glory, missing ribs and all. The workout was really very good, especially the ab workout. I used it everyday before a (pre child) trip to Jamaica and my abs looked great. Got pregnant on that trip and I've never been the same, since.

Looking at my body now, post two children, and remembering back to my high school years I can only shake my head at my limited thought process. At 16 years old, sans muffin tummy and loose arse, I made my first fitness related purchase. The arobic step. How fun and easy would this be! I may have done it twice before killing my knee on the thing. Twice. I was 16. What 16 year old gets a knee injury.

Thus my trampy one night stand mold was set in regards to fitness equipment. Yoga, I can do that. Who on earth can't bend their body? Why is that girl next to me smirking? B****, I'll show you!

Next, I also succumed to the weighted hula hoop. This would be so much fun. How could anyone not want to play with a toy, and get fit! I had to wear a dress for a week because my jeans hurt the bruises on my hips and stomach.

The rubber bands with the handles, I've done that too. You know what the most fun thing is about those? When one of the kids who gave you the muffin tummy starts a tug of war to get them away from you. Hurt? You bet. Break anything? You can count on it.

Ahh, the ab lounger, my most recent sluty conquest. Sat in the middle of the bedroom floor for one month prior to first use. Anyone can sit up. I decided to time myself. I bet I do 10 minutes easy. Burn, burn, burn, 2 minutes. Ab lounger meet garage.

Just a VHS tape....Richard Simmons "Sweatin' To The Oldies."

Yes, yes I did and to make it worse...I also bought the second one! Also on VHS.

And to really cap it off, I just admitted that little known fact to the world as we know it.

Thank you, thank you verrry much.

I do not have a blog, and am new to reading them, but this made me laugh so hard--and I could relate to it so well---that I had to share my own long list of exercise equipment gone wrong.

I think the worst and most embarrasing thing I ever bought was an electronic ab stimulator "as seen on tv". Yes, I actually bought one. It is a belt contraption with electrodes in it. You have to rub this jelly on your belly and then put the belt on and dial up the electicity...I should have known better when I read on the instructions to use lots of jell...apparently I didnt use enough. I turned the belt on and didnt feel anything, so I turned it up all the way...at that point it felt like someone was shoving a cattle prod into my guts, I ripped the thing off and found that I had red round burn marks across the front of my stomach. I was to embarrased to try to sell it or give it away so I chucked it in the trash.
I also bought the total tiger and did a face plant in the floor...but I didnt learn my lesson...I bought another ab roller thing and did another face plant.
The next thing I bought was a trampoline, but no mini trampoline for me! I went out and bought a 16 footer. It was super fun, but I had to quit using it when I noticed my neighbor watching me through his blinds. This is not the man show!
I then decided to get an eliptical trainer...it was so hard that I couldnt move the petals, so I convinced my husband to let me trade it in on a treadmill, which turned into a clothes hanger.
My husbands favortite was when I bought the bands that you put in the door...he got immense amusement watching me work out with those. Every so often the door would come open and the bands would smack me in the face. You would think I would stop after the first time, but I did not. After about the 4th or 5th smack in the face my husband had tears rolling down his cheeks from laughter.
Also on my long list is the thigh master, a yoga ball (which resulted in a trip to the ER after I fell off of it backwards onto my neck), a weight machine, and tons of videos.
I just bought a total gym this week. I havnt used it yet, but I have high hopes.

Well, my most awful fitness purchase was not so much a product, but instead spending the money to take part in a Biggest Loser-type competition at our local karate place. I lasted exactly one class, before fleeing in terror and humilitation.

You can read about it, in all my shameful glory, at my blog: www.notquitewhatihadplanned.blogspot.com Go to the Aug 23, 2006 post, entitled: "Oh my Holy Hell, are you kidding me with this??"

(That title pretty much says it all, doesn't it?)

PS. Sorry, tried to do a link but couldn't get it to work in the comments.

Well, I don't think I can compete with some of the stories above. Hilarious!! But nonetheless I have posted a blog entry so go check it out. I have been on a weight loss campaign (not actually loss cos when you lose something you expect to find it again, so a Getting rid of weight campaign) since November and decided to blog about it. I would love for more people to join me in the fight against fat (and a Wii Fit would help considerably!). Go to http://growby40.blogspot.com/

Woo hoo! Count me in on the contest! You can read about my unfortunate experiences in this post:

http://craftrage.blogspot.com/2008/05/loose-tooth-anyone.html

Honestly, though? I think you're right - the IGallop really does take the cake. I watched Cat On IGallop on YouTube last night and was transfixed. Then I visited the website to see how quickly I could get one shipped to me. I have three cats - I'm sure they'd enjoy the stimulation!

I found your site through Boobs, Injuries and Dr. Pepper. I am so glad that I did. Your exercise equipment post is a classic!

I thought about the regular hula hoop I bought (can't even make it spin). I thought of the $2 garage sale find Thighmaster (ouch...just the one time). I thought about my recent jumprope purchase (decided that jumping rope is more fun in a schoolyard).

Finally, I remembered my Richard Simmons Sweatin' to the Oldies VHS tape. How embarrassing to admit!

Ok, so I've followed Miss Jenny from her days at BigSlice and she only gets better, let me tell ya. I can't compete with her goodies that she's bought and tried, I can only hope to keep up! I too laughed until I snorted water out of my nose right at my computer at work. My co-workers, who are very use to this, didn't miss a beat and only assumed I was reading this blog...again....during working hours....um, nevermind!
I am the proud owner of the ENTIRE series, PLUS the newest Carmen Electra Aerobic Striptease DVDs. Now mind you, only the first DVD has been stripped of it's wrapper.......
I bought a BowFlex used, sits in the den and makes a HELLUVA clothes line. I couldn't even BEGIN to figure out how to use it so it technically has never been used. But I bought about $100 worth of accessories to motivate me....they still sit in the UPS box they came in 6 months ago.....hmmm....
I have about 25 Denise Austin DVDs that are mostly still wrapped. I've found that the only thing I do when I try to follow her workouts is curse her and wish that REALLY hateful things would happen to her. Then I go to church!
I've got 2 yoga balls, resistance bands, ankle and wrist weights, these pink balls that are smaller than a basketball and filled with sand...NO CLUE why I have them, don't even really know what they are for...yoga? Yeesh!
Small hand held dumbbells that my daughter uses as "fences" to corral her Barbie horses. Yeah.
I'm going to go ahead and stop now cause I've did some round figures of math and boy, if my hubby ONLY knew....
I think I could have just paid a plastic surgeon AND made change for Yoohoos and Krispy Kreme!!

I have a beautiful $800 eliptical sitting in my dining room that I have used 2 times. Several workout tapes and a gym membership that I finally cancelled since I never went. Maybe this is the ticket:)

My worst fitness story is falling off of my fitness ball several times in one pilates class. With old women in it. They could do it and I couldnt. Enough said.

Oh, just award it to Crystal - although I am sure I have bought WAY more stuff, WAY more memberships, and ingested WAY TOO MANY dif diet pills (Please God, SAVE my heart) - she alone deserves it solely due to her wit and ability to make me laugh when I just want to cry! And, just maybe, she will send it to me when she has lost all her weight! ha!

oh let me remember - I had the ab slide which is different than the ab roller I had. Neither gave me the six pack as promised. I have the Tae-Bo tapes, that I used a couple of times. I have some yoga dvds. I have a Denise Austin Shrink Your Female Fat Zones Dvd. I'm sure I have some others that I've aquired over the years.
I have a thighmaster, or a knock off of it. My thighs have mastered nothing.
I bought a Jump rope set that featured Dean Cain - But where in my house can I jump rope?

Oh the timing on this is so good it's almost scary. This story is true, oh so true.

Two weeks ago I purchased one of those exercise balls that are supposed to "firm and strengthen" the core. I pumped up the ball and then promptedly sat on the sofa while I watched the training video. (I might mention that while watching I rest my feet on the ball and enjoyed a lovely fudge bar.) Interesting video, didn't look too hard, the people looked great. I promptly ignored the ball and video.

Until two nights ago. I decided it was time to work on my Core. Plus, we were out of fudge bars and I didn't have anything to do anyway. I popped in the DVD and sat on the ball. All was going well, stretching and bending and balancing. We, me and the disgustingly well toned and pretty people on the video, started to really get into it. I did pretty well, made it throught the crunches and bends and strange things with the rubber scarf that was included.

I was feeling pretty proud of myself. I had survived until the cool down phase. The phase where we stretch out again. The phase where we lay with the ball in the middle of our backs and stretch out our legs and extend our arms up over our head and touch the ground. The phase where I rolled off the ball and hit my head on the coffee table that I neglected to move. The phase where I cut my forehead so badly that it didn't seem to want to quit bleeding. The phase where I was driven to the clinic by my laughing boyfriend. The phase where I needed to get four stitched in my head.

So this isn't a story about some piece of exercise equipment I ordered on a dark and stormy night, it's about a video passed down through generations (much much scarier). A lot of you may have heard of it. I can't even think about it without shuddering. Anyway the little tape I speak of is Richard Simmon's Sweating it to the Oldies. If you haven't ever seen this wonderful piece of aerobic cinematography you are in for a treat and I'm sure youtube can satisfy any curiosity you might have.

My mom was cleaning out her movie collection when she stumbled across the video (VHS I might add). It was around the same time I had come home from college and was packing up for the move to my first apartment. It somehow made its way into my belongings and when unpacking it got put in the place with the other movies I am embarrassed about owning.

There are days when people who don't consistently exercise are in some sort of mind altered state (usually after the first of the year) and we decide today is a good day to get fit. I pushed the coffee table out of the way and the sofa against the wall and put in the tape. So there I was sweating it to the oldies trying really hard not to stare at Richard Simmon's crotch, it's like a car accident, you don't want to see the horrible atrocities, but you just can't look away. There I was really getting into it and I hear a knock at the door. I froze, "oh my god what do I do what do I do, who could it be? I'm not expecting anyone; no one can see me like this." (My level of anxiety about the situation could have been lowered had I have had a peep hole). Whoever it was knew I was home because I lunged at the TV to hit the power button and scraped the coffee table across the floor so no one would know what I was doing. I was holding my breath and standing completely still with my eyes squeezed shut hoping that they would just go away. The knocking continued and then I heard them walking away down the hallway. My curiosity got the best of me and I open the door ever so slightly and peeked out. I then realized I would probably never speak to/see this person ever again because at this point I had given the impression of being crazy. Turns out it was my 80 year old neighbor wearing her favorite snowman pajamas with a bottle of champagne. I called out her name and she shuffled back in my direction. All she needed was some help opening the champagne and I told her that new years was two weeks ago and she gave me a puzzled look. After I opened the bottle and she went on her way I went back to my apartment and took a nap wore out from the evenings events.

One year ago I joined a local "well known girls" gym. Of course prior to that I was a couch potato. I showed up the first day in gym pants and shoes eager to "pump me up"!! This particular gym has a trainer follow you through the first cycle workout. I thought I did really well considering this was the first exercise I had attempted in over 30 years. I finished my two go arounds and was standing at the open front door cooling down and drinking water. The next thing I knew I heard the owner talking to someone on the phone and saying yes, we need an ambulance. My thought was "oh, I hope that person is ok". Then I heard sirens and ENT's rushing in the door. Everyone was standing around talking and then I realized I was the ONE ON THE FLOOR....I had totally passed out. I was so embarassed!! I did go back the next day and for a year after, then I totally burned myself out and haven't been since last October. I really need a WII to help me do this exercize in the privacy of my own home. I promise to keep the phone nearby in case I need to call the ENT's again.....

I will NOT post this on my blog, it's way too embarassing....lol

I went out and bought the weights, tapes, and outfit and worked out for a week. I stopped when my husband started to sit behind me while I did is so he could stare at my butt.

I don't have a blog, but I'm DYING for a Wii so I'm in. Not sure where to start w/ my sad and embarrassing exercise purchases over the years. There have been sooo many. I see another entrant listed all of her purchases and she may have me beat, but here goes:

2 stability balls
12 Months Curves membership (I went for 3 or 4 months)
A whole bunch of workout clothes to wear at Curves (now buried under my sleepwear)
1 yoga set w/ mat, brick & DVD
1 more yoga mat – because my husband used the other one to keep the futon in place!
2 exercise bikes (or clothes hangers since that’s how they were really used)
4 (yes 4!) bicycles…I sold one when I ran out of space, one was stolen, bought one off of eBay that wasn’t safe to ride (grrr!) and just got another one that I’ve had for 3 weeks and have yet to ride (tho I did just finish assembling it).
1 elliptical machine that’s really good at holding coats and hoodies (a gift from my brother so don’t tell him *heh*)

This is just the last 6 or 7 years (during which time I’ve managed to GAIN 50 pounds…and no one told me!!! *sob*)!

Then my friends recently got a Wii and I’ve been playing whenever I can. Not being able to afford one myself, I found the Xavix system on sale online. It’s less than half the price of the Wii and kinda sorta similar, but not even close! There’s a sensor and movement games, but to be perfectly honest, I’ve had it for months and have not even turned it on (I did set it up tho!). I guess the thought of virtually running the streets of Hong Kong with Jackie Chan just isn’t calling me to the game console. Once you’ve experienced the Wii there’s no going back to a cheap imitation (from 2005). Please pick me pick me pick me! (too desperate?) :)

Over the course of a lifetime, the following torture was self-inflicted:

2 gym memberships -- worthless, for who wants to go to the gym with people there who don't look like they need to work out?

3 different memberships to Weight Watchers -- so depressing to hear stories at some of the meetings... oh, and don't forget the public before-meeting weigh in!

1 exercise bike -- why ride a bike when you can't go anywhere?

1 treadmill -- see the bike reason, and yes it made a convenient clothes rack.

Jane Fonda videos -- no further comment needed.

Richard Simmons videos -- erm... yeah.

1 fitness trainer 10-week session -- while the trainer was very nice, when you're used to eating anything you want and are reduced to a 1000 to 1200 calorie diet for the first three weeks is insane.

1 membership to a Christian-based weight loss program called PRISM -- same 1000 calorie diet for the first 2 weeks, sure lost weight but gained it right back! And who wants to eat gritty brown rice all the time either? Not me...

1 exercise ball -- discovered it during the fitness trainer time, but have only used it in home 3 times in the years I've owned it.

2 sets of hand weights.

Ballroom dance lessons -- don't get me wrong, I loved it! But if anyone tells you that you'll lose weight doing it, don't believe it! If you don't exercise much, you might change your body shape some... but you gain muscle in the process. And muscle weighs more than fat does, so no weight loss.

And my favorite: a used PS2 system from a sibling with the Dance Dance Revolution game... but no mat to use with it was in the box! -- appears I have to buy one to be able to use it... (more money going out the window).

Sadly, none of my experiences are as funny.
I bought Tony Little's Gazelle and it sat in my TV room for about 4 months and my garage for about 5 before I sold it on craigslist. I really really wanted to use it. I probably would have if there had been a video to go along with it. But trying to remember to change positions according to the booklet wasnt really helpful. I used it 4 times.
I also bought "Walk away the pounds" after discovering it at my mom's house and really rather enjoying it. I have used it maybe a dozen times in 3 years.
That's about it for purchases. We are members of the gym and I go usually once a week. I tell myself I will go more, but I have an allergic reation to the gym- every time I join one I GAIN weight. This usually motivates me to go more often, but I never actually lose weight. I have to content myself with being healthier.
Our previous gym had been put into an older building- so it was 4 rather small floors on top of each other. The cardio and circuit rooms were on the top floor! How cruel is that? Usually by the time I got to the top I was winded from the stairs, then after the workout it was all I could do to get back down without falling over. Thanks for the giveaway!

Oh my gosh...let's see...I had a stationary bike for while, got tired of it, asked hubby if he minded if I sold it at a garage sale. He said, "You'll regret it later." Nah, I won't!! I do. But my STUPIDEST (this is really embarrassing) purchase ever was while I was young...very young...much too young to know what I was doing (I think I was a senior in high school) was to purchase a pair of plastic shorts that attach to the vaccuum cleaner and "suck" the fat right off of you. Yep...totally embarrassing, I fell for it. Now, don't tell anybody I did that! The shorts were blue plastic, had a white plastic attachment for the vaccuum. I tried to suck off the fat. Oh my...I can't believe I'm confessing!!

First of all, love the blog! I found it through Boobs, etc. Had to enter the contest...but in looking at the comments, my name is on someone else's entry.

My entry is actually right above the one with the name Trish. It should be this one:

Posted by: *jen | May 14, 2008 7:24 PM

Back in the day, I took Jazzercize classes and cardio kickboxing. I was able to do that you-should-be-able-to-talk-while-exercising-if-you-can't-you-then-ease-up thing the exercise gurus always told you. Fast forward to now, after the birth of 2 children and working a desk job. I can barely make it up the stairs without begging for mercy. Plus I live in the cheese and beer state...and am getting The Butt That Ate Milwaukee. A Wii would help me fight The Butt, cuz right now it's winning the battle. Added bonus, my kids would think that I'm the coolest mom ever if we had a Wii!

Please fix it so I can win that Wii! :) Not only does The Butt need it, but my sister wants to come over and work on her muffin top stomach.

It all began with Jane Fonda and Richard Simmons VHS tapes. I moved on to jump rope, weights, exercise mat, water arobics, walking shoes, treadmill, bike, ab roller, thigh master, gazelle, gym membership, WW memberships, and those stretchy bands. The dumb thing is that I watched the videos from the couch thinking that would do the trick.

I too happened upon your site courtesy of Crystal of BIDP infamy. I cannot tell you how hard I had to try to stifle my laughter after reading your posts and then the posts of your readers...FLIPPIN' Hilarious!!

So I know my story won't hold a flame to some of these but I had to share because the mere mention of it still makes my mom blush!! My mom is obsessed w/ clutter--she loves her clutter and the clutter of others which lends itself to her addiction to yard sales!! One fine day we were perusing a yard sale and she came across some VHS exercise videos, she lamented about how she had really let herself go and would love to get back into shape. Needless to say we walked away with quite a bargain--The Firm fitness video for a mere 50cents!! I know--I can't believe it either--my mother forked over 50 whole cents for this piece of crap. But anyway, some weeks later she decided it was time to put her investment to work--she dug it out and convinced me to partake in her fitness challenge--I knew something wasn't right as soon as I saw the backdrop of said workout video--and all the Fitness Gurus were clothed--but only momentarily!! Within minutes, it was a full on bang fest occuring before our eyes...my mom had bought a porno disguised as a workout vid!! I nearly peed myself as she fumbled with the remote to remove the debauchery from the screen. As soon as we collected ourselves, I delivered a zinger of a one liner--"well that's one way to get in shape" and then my mom fell over and died...of embarrassment.

P.S. Please don't tell her I shared this with the world--I was sworn to secrecy!!

Let's see, I started out with some boxing tapes by Kathy somebody, my sister and I went halves on the tai bo dvd's, I have a stair stepper and an excercise ball. My latest was an infomercial for winsor pilates. No blog of my own, but I came here from Boobs, Injuries, and Dr. Pepper

A dog.

Well, it's only stupid because we really don't exercise together. The entire "we'll go running and I'll have an exercise partner, etc etc" thing went right out the window.

So I stand in the yard and kick the ball for her for about 45 minutes each day. Enough time to drink a couple of beers and wonder why this 'exercise' isn't working. ;)

Actually, that was last year, but honestly, this year my husband (who is not allowed to watch infomercials) DISOBEYED and watched one. We ended up with Tony Horton's P90x. Um, I hate to admit it, but it worked. Totally. I lost 30 pounds in 3 months and can do 25 killer pushups and 1 complete and total chinup. That said, I could STILL use a Wii, because quite honestly, I'm getting ready to punch Tony Horton in the nose. :)

I don't have a blog. I do have a treadmill, exercise ball, yoga dvd. I only use the treadmill. I like to jog now, before children I would have never said that, It is like my little escape.

I can't compete with these stories - not because I haven't made stupid fitness equipment purchases, but because I'm laughing too hard!
That said, I would LOVE to try that iGallop thing, because I used to ride (horses, real horses) until my back issues became a constant problem. I've been advised by two people with actual medical degrees to try a riding simulator, to build up exactly the muscles that will take the pressure off my back when riding.
would love to know if it would help. Haven't ridden in over a year now.

The videos- Kathy, Denise Ob-nox-ious Austen, pilates, tae bo, MTV crunch, and many others I'm now forgetting.
Equipment has varied from free weights, to a step, to treadmill, to the 'ab wheel' that's still in the box 3 years later. Can't seem to part with it though.
My best/worst purchase: a jogging stroller that literally FELL APART as we were on a trail.(Think wheels rolling in opposite directions while the plastic bucket part bumped along the dusty trail!) Luckily, no injury to the kid, and the huz was driving so it is, of course, ALL HIS FAULT. (as are most of my fitness purchases and subsequent fitness failures!)

OH Crap, I had to update my blog because I amost completely forgot about the ear staples! Or maybe I tried to block it out. Please re-read if you get the chance, 'cos that one is beyond shameful!

I just stumbled across your blog via Crystal's and thought I would put my 2 cents in......Here is my embarassing exercise story.

Am I FAT or OLD?
Current mood: dorky

I started doing Yoga, Healthy new lifestyle, drink more water, watch less TV......blah blah blah, excuse me while I go smoke.

So I bought a yoga tape on Amazon.com..

"Yoga for fat people" that's not the actual title, but that's the general idea. There are certain positions that my 'more cushion for the pushin' silhouette prevents me from getting into.

Customers who bought this DVD also bought: "Yoga for the rest of us".

that's me! I am the rest of us and according to Amazon they go better together. SOLD.

2 days later my DVDs arrived. Yay! On my way to a healthy new lifestyle.

5 days after that I open the box and remove the DVDs....WTF? "The rest of us" is apparently some secret code for 65+ years old.

Started Yoga for fat people every morning before work...feelin' good, have more energy....life is good.

Now. what to do with the yoga brought to you by the AARP?? Maybe I will try it, if I don't like it, I will give it to my boss. She is the rest of us. She is 70 something.

Tried the AARP-style yoga last night. Surprisingly, much more difficult than fat people yoga.....A lot more work, longer workout, harder positions held for longer. Except, I am supposed to be using a chair while I do it. PISH POSH!

Chairs are for pussies and I have been doing fat yoga for 6 whole days now, I am a pro. Screw the chair.

Old lady, wrinkled face, orange lipstick, very tight shot on her face...why doesn't her face move? Its only her mouth, god that's weird...too much botox.
Inhale, exhale Ok, arms up, palms together, stretching the neck.

What is WRONG with her voice? Did the botox affect her vocal chords? It's completely monotonous.
Warrior 1.....deep lunge, got it....inhale.....exhale.....Lift the back heel off the floor...k....extend your hands in front of you with palms together, got it.....

Lean forward, back like a table.......why is there no music?

Isn't there supposed to be music? Are old people distracted by Enya? I can hear the one on the far left and her ragged breathing, it's disturbing........

Now lift your back leg so it is in line with your back. Hands out stretched, palms together......

WTF?! Ok, got it..... Nope, lost it. recovered nicely though.

Now in mountain position (I am GOOD at that one), lift left leg and place foot on inside of right thigh......

EXCUSE ME? Grabbing my foot I try to SHOVE it into my thigh. Owie.....

Mountain again. Lift foot to inner thigh. I managed to cram my foot to just above my knee. good enough for who it's for.

Now, arms together in front of your chest.......Raise arms above head, palms together and look straight up, keeping your head in line with your arms.

I AM a mountain, if the mountains crumble to the sea.

I've never purchased anything to lose weight (although I did go to a nutritionist who told me exactly what I knew needed to be done - eat less & exercise - $50 copay for that!?!?!?). It's not funny but a little disgusting - during one summer break I worked part-time as a CNA in a local nursing home. It was the best diet EVAR! Seriously, cleaning up vomit & loose stools (and cleaning the occasional deceased person) before lunch really does a number to your appetite.

Of course, once I quit, I put the weight (plus more) right back on, but...

I'm a fair-weathered exerciser and also believe in things like the cabbage soup diet, so let me just say I've tried a lot of weird crap.

1. Budokon. Nope, not taught by an Asian martial arts master, just some white guy that apparently got Courtney Cox (barf) Arquette's butt into shape one year when she put on two pounds.

2. Jumping Rope. Do you think I was smart enough to buy a rope made just of ROPE? Nope. Got me one with the plastic doo-hickeys around the rope and subsequently whipped myself in the face every third turn.

3. Pre-natal Yoga. Not pregnant, but thought it might be easier on my joints and slower than most other dvds. Not so much. Those preggo chicks are hard core and if you watch them put their heads between their knees or legs over their faces you'll have a glimpse into how they got knocked up in the first place.

4. Paula Abdul's Cardio Dance DVD. My roommate and I had gone through numerous diets (rice only or fruit smoothies) to slim down for two weddings we were in during the summer of '01 and found this on the shelf at Target for cheapo. First five minutes were great, then the dancing started and other than us running into each other because we were going opposite directions, I quickly remembered why I plastered myself to the wall during school dances and acted like I was headed to the bathroom every time a boy even rolled his eyes my direction.

There are at least 3 more 'exercises' to talk about, but you get the point, right?

Amy

Mine is simple: a gym membership.

The stupid thing is that I signed up for a year, knowing full well that I couldn't go for more than a month. My preschool-age son was in a summer camp for kids like him -- let's just say he needs help on his social skills -- so I decided I would spend the time going to the gym. Which I loved.

But then the month was over, so I tried taking my son to the gym's babysitting... oh good lord. I knew better than to sign him up for a "typical" kid activity, but I tried it anyway. It was a DISASTER. We both left in tears (I can laugh at it now, but couldn't at the time), and I've been too embarrassed to go back to that gym.

So now I have a bouncy ball at home. The thrill has worn off. Bounce. Bounce. Bounce.

Argh -- mine came out as more "poor little me" than I meant it to. Sorry. It really does amuse me now that I signed up for the gym membership in a cloud of blissfulness, just because I had a few weeks' worth of kid-free time. (Well, it's equal parts "amused" and "do'h!")

DUDE!

My entry was too long, so I posted it on my blawwwwwg

Well, I haven't ever had a ton of disposable income so my fitness purchases are mostly limited to books and videos. I do have to admit that I bought Richard Simmons' "Sweatin' to the Oldies!" tape. *sigh* It was years ago, really! I try to do the videos but my dog freaks out and when I am laying on the floor, she comes over and lays on me and tries to lick me. It is difficult doing crunches with a big ol' dog head on your chest trying to lick your nose.

I have battled an extra 20 lbs for years. Ever since I quit dancing in college, I've fought the extra weight. After 2 kids, it became an extra 30 lbs. At 5'3", I will look like a weeble (Weebles wobble but they don't fall down!) if I gain any more weight. So, me being the brilliant person that I am, I decided to go back to ballet classes.

I commute 110 miles every day to work, so my choices for dance classes were very limited. I had 2 options: An adult beginner ballet class with only 2 other students, or an advanced ballet class with 8 teenage girls.

I took the beginner ballet class for 1 day. It was not a workout. I never even broke a sweat. "Well," I thought to myself, "I'll register for a full session (12 weeks) of the advanced class. That will give me a good workout."

I showed up to the first class in a leotard, tights, a dance skirt and ballet slippers. I was surrounded by gossiping girls in short shorts, bikini tops, sports bras and tiny little bathing suits. I have never felt more like a lumbering elephant in the middle of a group of lithe Barbie Dolls in my entire life! And let me tell you, dancing is NOT at ALL like riding a bike. You do lose the ability to do certain dance steps and things like plies and the splits.
When all was said and done, that wasn't even why I quit. All I listened to the whole time I was in the class was these young, healthy able-bodied girls gripe and complain about how much they hated the dance classes that I KNOW their parents were spending an obscene amount of money for them to attend!

Well, let's see here:

The GUT-BUSTER (a spring with handles, so that you might do situps, which my mother STILL HAS, and claims to use)

The THIGH MASTER- see above about mother.

I bought something called BODY FLEX- lose weight while BREATHING.

The AB ROLLER, (again, mom)

And last, and certainly not least, THE GAZELLE.

Which my husband wanted and has been used once. BY ME.

I still Sweat to the Oldies on VHS occasionally and I use my giant balance ball as my desk chair - works my core while I blog. Yeah right.

Eric Nies "MTV Jams" (or something like that) workout video.

OMG- I was in tears, snorting and totally lost my ability to speak over this post!! WOW! I found you through Crystal's blog. I'm sorry, your exercise ventures are hysterical! The iGallop part put me over the top and my husband took away my laptop at that point, ROFL!

Count me in the contest, I'd love to win a Wii and try to exercise with THAT! :-D Here's a link to my post.

http://notenoughhoursinaday.blogspot.com/2008/05/exercise-yeah-right.html

I'm not so sure I have one that's all that embarrassing. Unless you count the time I joined a gym and one of the employees made me do a bunch of stuff to assess me or something. And while trying to do a sit up I farted. While he was holding my feet.

I never went back.

So yeah, that one is pretty embarrassing.

I didn't actually make this purchase, but I used it like it was a miracle worker. I came home from college to find that my parents were Susan Powter FREAKS! They made me sit and watch her videos. She was yelling at the top of her lungs about the comparisons of eating 1,400 baked potatoes to eating a Big Mac, or something like that. It was INSANITY. So, I started exercising with her crazy videos and the more she got all intense and in the camera, the more I felt like I was becoming Susan Powter!! I could feel the inches melting away and my waist getting smaller. Hello, brain washing!

I went back to college and my late night snacking and needless to say, I didn't become Susan Powter.

I, too, have purchased the thigh master. I don't know why, because it didn't do much for my thighs . . . and then I wanted to die . . . but instead, I just sighed. (sorry about the rhyming. I couldn't stop.)

I have a blog but I can't put my entry up there because I'm getting a bloggy makeover and it will be down for the next day or two. Please, please, please accept this comment as an entry. Please?

I've never been much of an exerciser so I don't have a lot of crazy fitness purchases in my past. I seem to have a faint memory though of once deciding I needed a piece of exercise equipment. I researched treadmills and elipticals and arobics videos. I compared prices and user reviews and in the end I decided to ignore all my research and buy a Jack LaLanne Portable Stepper Machine.

The Portable Stepper Machine sort of looked like a metal box with two pedals sticking out of the top. The idea was that you stood on it and used it like a stair master. Then when you were done you carried it around with you I guess. The problem was that there was nothing to hold onto while you used it. It was so hard to push the pedals down that you had to kind of lunge with all your weight on one leg just to get the pedal to go down. Half of the time this resulted in you falling off. A typical workout went like this: Lunge, wobble, regain balance, lunge, lunge, wobble, regain balance, lunge, lunge, fall on your ass, lunge, lunge, fall, throw the Jack LaLanne Portable Stepper across the room.

On my tenth attempt at using the machine of death and humiliation I heard something crack as I fell off. I thought it came from me for a second but then I figured out it was the machine. Something somewhere on that stupid machine broke and grease started pouring out of it. Where did the grease come from? I don't know. What I do know is that I probably burned more calories cleaning up the grease than I ever did working out on that thing.

I put the Jack LaLanne Portable Stepper Machine out on the curb to be picked up with the trash. To my suprise someone came alone and took it. To my not at all suprise the next day they brought it back.

Thus ended my career in stupid exercise purchases. Although I do admit to being just a little bit tempted to buy this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ad3BR-G7aFw

I've had a few stupid purchases.

A "Personal Stepper", one of those stair-master wanna-be's that didn't do squat and fit under my bed. Yeah, that $40 was wasted!

An exercise ball. I know some people swear by these, but I am very un-coordinated and managed to give myself a black eye as well as a good knot on my head after unsucessful exercise sessions.

Many videos and books. Buns of Steel, Cindy Crawford, The Marine Diet book, etc. Ended up on my shelf collecting dust.

I did have resistance bands that I got for physical training after knee reconstruction that I used and loved, but after so many years those things fall apart when you use them too much!

Right now I need something I can do at home with my 1 & 2 year old boys running manaically around me! I'm praying my hubby okays the purchase of a Wii for my personal entertainment this fall, simply because my physical therapist brother-in-law recommends it (they use the thing for physical therapy, it's good for me).

weighted hula hoop... check
pilates video....check
reebok slide and video.... check
bowflex... check (and chucked)
rubber resitance bands.... check
big pilates ball.... check
squash raquet...check
Jane Fonda video, complete with unitard and leg warmers on cover!! VHS!!...check
Y membership... check, but this is getting some use (go! ME!)
bike, bike racks for bug and for Honda, new tennis shoes for Mom's day, a Windglider (hubby's attempt to get me to exercise/partake in his passion), roller blades, ice skates... I'd lose 25 more pounds if I just got rid of this junk!!

Better than the iGallop? Why, buy the actual horse of course! And then live in a SINGLE WIDE TRAILER (no, really, a SINGLE WIDE TRAILER) because you had to choose between a nice house for you or acerage for the horse. She is one very expensive lawn ornament.

Right before my husband and I got married we were walking through the mall and there was a kiosk in front of one of the stores -- they were selling these jumping shoes (called Kangoo Jumps). We tried them on and were totally smitten. Thought they were SO MUCH FUN. We bounced around that little area of the mall trying them out. They were kind of pricey, so we couldn't buy them at the time we tried them, but we Had To Have Them. So, fast forward to my dad calling me asking what we wanted for Christmas, so I told him about the totally awesome jumping shoes we tried on and Had To Have. I told him to go to the website and check them out, they were totally awesome! So he called me back and said if that's what we reallllly wanted, and was I sure? Really REALLY sure? I was emphatic. Yes! Jumping shoes! FUN!
So we got them. We took them to the park. We bounced. Not only did we get stared at, pointed to, and made fun of... I fell on my butt and hurt my ankle. Still have those bouncy shoes, but I haven't worn them again since.

Here's a post I wrote in January about drunk ordering *The Fluidity* because Martha Stewart told me to. Oy. I promised to update later with a review of the thing once I watched the videos and tried it out. But you'll notice there is no update. Hmmm....I wonder why?

In the post, I mentioned that it doesn't actually do anything, but I was wrong...it's really good at holding up clothes.

http://dogsdontpurr.diaryland.com/080109_46.html

I just came upon your blog (I'm not even sure how, or where) But I am glad I did! You had me laughing, and giggling to my self through the whole post. As for blowing my money on stupid stuff:
a second hand bowflex, (I mean clothes rack)
the Ab-shaper (garage sale)
Pilates videos (collecting dust)
an exercise ball (toy for my kids)
The list goes on and on and on. A Wii Fit sure sounds like fun. I would love to give it a try!

I don't think I can compete with some of these because they are funny!!! But, the worst was probably those weighted ankle straps, who knows if they had a real name . . . about 6 inches tall each weighing a ton and you strap them around your ankles and wear them while you exercise! I've never felt so stupid in my life, UNLESS it was while wearing those and pumping the iron using those hand exercise contraptions . . . you know, the ones that look like plier handles but have a spring attached and you squeeze them over and over to strengthen your hand grip, I guess?!! I remember an episode of "Designing Women" where the girls won a 90 second grab and keep trip to a music store and Charlene was working these hand contraptions to increase her ability to hold tapes--from like 4 to 6 in one grab! Ahh, the power! I wanted to be able to grab 6 cassette tapes at once, too!!

I don't have a blog, so here goes:

One extremely handy clothes dryer shaped surprisingly just like a stair climber. For $400.

Um, yeah. And a pole stripper "workout" video. The thighs, they burned (and not in a good way)! I would have gotten better exercise if I had just become a hooker. And they would have paid ME!

I bought *2 years ago* Yoga Booty Ballet. Never used it.

I do not know yoga, I do have a booty (a big one at that) and I haven't don't ballet since I was 6.

Yoga Booty Ballet is still in the box it came in. FAIL.

Hi Jenny, your blog is great! SO funny!! I posted my fitness snafus on my blog: http://chroniclesofminnesota.blogspot.com/

Hope you like it! I am noticing a pattern in my impulse purchases, which, if nothing else, should help my wallet.
~Steph
P.S. Pick me Pick me Pick me(please)!

So I read about this on Y's blog and had to wrack my brain, but I knew there had to be a contribution in my long line of exercise aids.

Well, here goes:
In the late 80's, I owned "Teen Steam." Yeah, that's the Alyssa Milano video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkvW-PrCrwA&feature=related
There's even a really cool music video at the end in case you're not too tired after the "workout" and wanna bust a move with your friends.

I've gotten a little better about my purchases since then, but not much :)

I followed this link from Y's page( God that women is funny) and OMG You have me lauughing pretty good too. I am going to mark you as a favorite =) I have one funny thing with excercing that happened to me. You know those bungie cord thingys. You know you stretch and pull and tighten all that flab. Yeah Uh-Huh Ever have one pop out from under your foot and smack you right under your nose and look like you had a nice bruise mustach for a week or so. Yeah lovely things they are.

Oh Jenny man, that iGallop is insane!!! You are the winner. :)
My craziest purchase of the fitness variety is the MBT shoes as well. 5 days and 20 visits to the chiropractor later my bank account was empty but my butt remained large. I also have the New York City ballet vicoe and I agree with you that he belly laugh is a great workout!
Here's hoping the Wii workout is better!!!

My husband and I have done the steps from the early 90's we worked out together with tapes, laughing at my uncoordinated moves. We also did the trampoline, which now my 7 and 3 year old love jumping off. Our family now loves to walk, easy and cheap.
We would love to have the wii.
Thanks
Lisa Braunius

Oh wow, these had me in stitches. I need to leave the office right now and buy a iGallop AND a Hawaii chair! I think they'd make great extra seating in my lounge room.

I once bought a bike, which I have ridden once before almost needing to be taken to hospital because I couldn't breathe.

I have had some success with what is not exercise equipment - any Playstation dance mat game!

I bought that dvd set with that scrawny blonde chic that taught you how to do this super weird breathing thing to lose weight and inches. You had to suck in DEEPLY through your nose as you arch your back while on all fours, then release the breath with your back lowered while saying,

"PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"

until the breath was completely gone.

This would scare my child absolutely to death and guess what...it didn't work. How much therapy do you think my son will need for seeing his momma doing this crazy "exercise?"

Mine isn't so much my own as my mother's, but she managed to thoroughly embarrass me...

Mom bought one of those $350 gazelle things cause it came with a video and it folds to store easily under your bed. I think she used it maybe a dozen times or so... cost her around $30 per use in that case.

About a year later my dad was killed in an accident and mom started to decline. Last fall she decided to auction off all the stuff she didn't want anymore, including the gazelle. When the auctioneer didn't get any bidders on it, she ran up in front of everyone and jumped on it to demonstrate, while singing.

I live in a pretty small town, and I believe the whole population became aware of the scene in less than an hour. I'm married with my own kids, but there are some embarrassments that transcend age.

This is a neat idea. I love your blog. Thanks for sharing your funny stories. I will definately visit again!

I don't think anyone mentioned these yet: hypnosis cds. Yeah, I bought them not once, but twice.

You can read about it here: http://otcmommy.wordpress.com/2008/05/16/embarrassing-weight-loss-past-purchases/

BTW: I came here via Y.

What was that thigh thing that Suzanne Somers hawked? Thighmaster or something like that? It's almost as obscene as the inner thigh exercise machine at the gym. I still have it around here somewhere...

And then there's the bike pedals on a small stand, that you can use while sitting on the couch, practically. What was I thinking!

OMFG TEEN STEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I went to a little old ladies garage sale while I was in college, when I was about half the size I am now, and she had one of those big giant machines from the 50's that you strap the big band on yourself and turn it on and it shakes you all around. I bought it. I spent about 200 dollars on it and had to hire a truck to drag it back to my dorm. The only time I ever used it was when we had parties and we would all get smashed and use the old fifties shaky thing. We killed it. I wish I had it now. It was fun, but I did not lose weight with it. Probably because I only used it with a drink in my hand. (Hilarious fun!)

I have fallen victim to the late night infomercials myself (though not to the degree you have). One night the one for the Total Body Makeover was on and it reallly sucked me in. I ended up ordering it. I paid like $300 for the whole package (and I definitely couldn't afford it) and couldn't wait for it to get to my house. I got it about 3 days later, took everything out, looked at it, put it back in and it now resides under my bed where it is covered in killer dust bunnies. That's isn't the only one but it was the most expensive and stupid.

Two words: Ab Roller

Then I bought some stretch band thingies - only I am so uncordinated - instead of strengthening my core I let on pop out of my hand and broke my nose. I'm just graceful that way

Okay...so it's not me who purchsed but my husband...who just watched the iGallop on your blog when I said, "Hey, come here you gotta see this," and he got so turned on he ordered one for me.

Well... I guess aside from Richard Simmon's Sweating to the Oldies I really don't have any really emabarssing exercise purchases.. I did have an ab lounger but I put that on craigslist and my big exercise ball and mat have been setting in my closet now for a couple of years.. LOL.. sooo nothing really out there, but would love to win the Wii fit!

I have tried the tomato soup diet while doing Ti-bo...sp? you know the one with billy banks??

I have TRIED lots and lots of stupid exercise gimmics. :)

Oh, I would so love to win this prize, but my fitness faux pas are not nearly as entertaining as yours.

The best I can do is the Ab Lounger. I don't know how it ended up in my home, since my husband and I are broke most of the time. But there we were at Academy sporting goods store "test driving" the ab lounger, and saying really convincing things like "of course we'll use it. It's so quick and easy". Anyone listening would've thought we were being paid to generate sales. But we were just fooling ourselves and wasting good money--money that could've been spent on pizza. For the first few months, the Ab Lounger was set up in our bedroom. Once a week or so I would attempt to 'work it', but my muscles never felt a thing so I figured my form was off. Either that or my muscles no longer exist, which is even more likely. Anyway, soon "Abby" (my affectionate term for the meshy springy torture device otherwise known as the Ab Lounger) became dumping ground for my clean-straight-from-the-dryer laundry. Which naturally made it an irresistable bed for my cats. (Heck, who can blame them? I even took a nap on it once; comfy!) When my cats weren't occupying it, I was constantly yelling at my kids to "Get off of that thing! Do you want to hyper-extend your back?!?". Finally, we had some guests coming to visit, so we disassembled the $150 cat bed...um, fitness equipment, because who wants their guests to laugh at them for owning an Ab Lounger and flabby abs? Not us. We stowed ol' Abby under our bed, where she leads a quiet, dusty, idle existence, remembered only when the monthly Visa payment is due. To anyone who reads this and realizes what a necessary machine this is for enhancing their lives, I am willing to sell. I will accept pizza in lieu of cash.

HAHA! I had to write an entry of my own ;) Hope I win!

I'd love to win!

Let's see:

Tennis racket = tennis elbow.
Big yoga ball = fall flat on my face.
Tae bo = cases are fun flat blocks for my toddler
Weight machine = laundry drying rack
Mini stair stepper = sold at garage sale
Walking shoes = garden shoes

i have had all the trendy exercise equipment...little hand weights, one of those giant elastic bands, a healthrider and too many videos to count. but the all time best was the Slim Slide. do you remember those? i was a teenager at the time and ordered it from a magazine. i was sure it was going to make my dreams of thinness come true. it all sounded easy enough...

the 'equipment' consisted of a long, narrow strip of slippery fabric with stoppers at both ends and a pair of little satin booties to wear over your shoes. the concept was the put the booties on and slide side to side on the fabric strip, kind of like a speed ice skater. sounds kinda fun, right?

well, the first day i had it, i perfected my form and was anxious to show my family what i had discovered. but i decided to up the anti...the manual suggested spraying the fabric strip with a little cooking spray to make it even more slippery, enabling you to go faster. well, you can probably guess that i set the thing up in front of my family, put on my booties and got ready to show them how it was done...but i hit the ground HARD before i could even tell what had happened. i felt like an idiot. an idiot with a sprained ankle nonetheless!!

I bought a video series called "Body Flex". It was something I would never want to do in front of anyone else because it looked so weird when I did it! You had to breath in deeply while striking a certain Pilate-like 'pose' and then 'push' all the air out. I have to admit that it seemed to work! I lost about 30 lbs while doing it! The best part was the lady's hair and outfit!! Big Bu font hair and a leotard that was totally 80's!!

Well, it all begin in my quest to lose weight - of course, it always starts that way, right? About 5 years ago, I had gastric bypass, but that wasn't enough for me, so I bought a Nordic Trak Eliptical trainer from one of my best friends. It never crossed my mind there might be a reason that she was getting rid of it.

So she brings that monstrosity of torture to my house, all 14 gazillion pounds of it and proceeds to show me how it works. Did I mention that she MIGHT have weighed 105 pounds and was in beautiful shape? She made it look SOOOOOOOOOOo easy. The thing that she didn't tell me was how to stop the thing.

So after Allie (my friend) left, I decided to get my shrinking, but still large post-op butt on that thing. So I'm swishing and gliding and ellipiticalling all over and think that my thigh muscles are about to vacate the premises or burst into flames and I realize that I am about to die. Literally. OK, maybe not literally, but you couldn't have told me otherwise right then. So, I just stopped moving my legs. Sounds reasonable right? Um, not so much.

My legs stopped moving, but the pedals from elliptical hell didn't.

That horrendous, body shredding, plastic torture device from the 1900s threw me off of it, no kidding, into the wall. What you don't realize is that I decided in all of my college educated (graduated WITH honors, believe it or not) mind, I had put that stupid machine in front of my dining room (yes DINING room (see the irony)) window. It flung me into the wall and the window and my legs were still spinning and I am stuck - all 290 svelt pounds of me. I'm telling you, I thought I would surely die.

I'm sweating, having visions of my family finding a mutilated body stuck between the elliptical and the windows and walls with my feet still spinning.

I look over, and my cat Callie, who was my cheerleader in this weight loss war was covering her eyes and shaking her head in horror all the while clearly saying, "Oh my Gosh, this woman is going to die and I'm going to starve to death." (Think Mrs. Haversham here....) Callie, in her embarassment, jumped down and slinked off to call 911.

Aaaaaah, after the machine got tired and decided to give me a break, I unwedged myself from my own personal Temple of Doom, licked my wounds, cleaned up my scrapes, iced down my bruises; I kicked the machine with my sprained foot and never, ever got back on that thing again. I did, however, sell it on eBay to some other unsuspecting weight loss challenged soul. I couldn't bear to look at my personal violator and torturer everyday, so I banished it to some other poor soul's house and used the profits to get my cat and myself therapy.

Ok well my most embarassing fitness purchase was a joint purchase of three things... a sauna suit, a thighmaster and an ab roller. Just picture it ... an chunky girl in a tin foil suit outside in the hot summer sun trying to master my thighs and roll the dough I called abs into a svelte shape. Until the tin foil suit ripped mid-ab roll and the thigh master spring flew out and smacked me in the head leaving me gashed up and still doughy.... as of right now the ab roller is acting as a lovely closet ornament, the tin foil suit works wonders on my "rabbit ears" and the thigh master or whats left of it has become a "paddle" for my sons imaginary boat. Gotta love getting in shape. And BTW I'm still chunky and doughy and would LOVE this WII fitness!!!

i have never made an infomercial purchase but have been tempted many times. my brother is actually in an infomercial. the thing is new, called the ab coaster, and well, when being used it looks like, well, something a child shouldn't be watching.
but my embarrassing fitness story. that same said brother is a personal trainer as a second job at a gym, where he got his manager to give me a FREE lifetime membership to try and encourage me to work out. This gym costs $90 a month normally and i just went for the third time this year. i don't think i went at all last year...well, maybe one time... people i work with would kill for that because they cannot afford this gym.

Okay so I downloaded a couple excerise video thingys on my computer because I wanted to lose weigh and some cellulite OVER a month ago and I have not yet touched it or even been close to attempting any. I have always said I wanted to buy some excerise equipments but like the videos they probably will end up being ignored, collecting dusts or Even being used by my 5 1/2 yr old who is such a daredevil and will climb and jump up on ANYTHING. Hey maybe I should invest in one and I can lose weigh by chasing or yelling at him to leave the darn thing alone! Do you think that would work??? Thats one thing to debate.......To be continued.......?!?!

do you recall those springs (was 4 of them) with a handle on each end? you could stand on one end and hold the other and do curles or hold one in each hand and pull them apart... can you see where this might lead? well my cousin had a set of them and he was a very hairy guy... he had them on the tightest setting and was showing off for my several of my girl friends...and got them stretched all the way out then... they sprung back together and caught the hair on his chest!!! he had a bald spot that rivaled steve carrell in the 40 yr old virgin and we all laughed until we cried! the last time i saw them they were hanging on a rafter in the garage!

Haha, me and my husband had decided to buy a new treadmill. Well we get it home, attempt to put it all together.. Yea did you catch that lovely 7 letter word. Well lets just say 3 hours later, after straining muscles we didn't know we had. We had it finally put together. Well were we so proud of ourselves we had to use it right then.. Nope, We did use it at different times throughout the next day, and the day after that. However that I think that day, "the day after that" was the last time it was used as anything more than a clothes hanger, pile collecting, dust magnet of a machine. Why you may ask did we purchase a machine that costs us several hundred dollars to only use it a few times.. Well thats simple, we figured we had to fit into the majority of the human race with this stuff.

Richard Simmons Sweating to the Oldies of course, but this one still makes my husband and I laugh.....

http://www.tonylittle.com/
YOU CAN DO IT! I can't recall the name of his product I had, but it came with a VHS tape and a purple rubber band type thing with plastic handles on the end. I think we finally threw it away last year!

Thigh Master - baby!!

Ok. So, I've bought an exercise ball which turned out to be more fun for my daughter than myself. I seem to think that being able to move is a requirement for a stay at home mom. Something about keeping the child out of danger and stuff. Go figure.

I have the stretchy band things too. They were fun when once upon a time I did jazzercise. Yes, I'm admitting that I did Jazzercise. I was young and lured in. But because of that class, I bought them to try again. They're still in the box. They look better there.

I also came across my parent's ankle weights from the early 80's one day and thought. Why not? I still have plenty of baby weight to loose. I strapped those big boys on and proceeded to not only give myself the largest bruises I've ever seen, but I also found out that they give you a whole new momentum. Don't walk downhill with them. You kind of loose the ability to stop quickly. Yeah. Good times.

Did that teach me? No. I also signed up for a gym membership. They were supposed to have it built in like 6 months. My daughter was 5 months old at the time. She's now 4 and they're almost done with the gym building. I keep holding out because I got a good deal. I probably should have moved on and found one that was already built.

Well, because my gym wasn't quite built, I continued to buy exercise equipment. Not infomercial, I know, but still I was lured in by fancy commercials and good deals. I just can't help myself. Latest purchase. Biggest looser DVD and free weights. Yep. It's still in the package, but I promise that it's going to get great use. Right after we watch Cinderella. Again.

So yeah, I'd love to try Wii fit. This time I'll have my husband to get me going and my 4 year old daughter. At least it will make it out of the box! ; )

Okay, let's see. There were the roller blades (bought just before freshman year of college) that I strapped on maybe 5-10 times total to blade up and down the hall in my dorm...cause I was too chicken to try to actually blade on any sloped surface!! Then there was the stepper and free weights that I bought senior year...that got used about 3 times and tripped over for the rest of that year.

Right out of college (I'd almost forgotten this one) I bought a funny little contraption that you lay in on the floor to help you do crunches by rocking in it!! After that, there were the bellydancing and 6-week fitness makeover routines on VHS...very fun to watch from the couch!! I actually did get nice and fit one summer when I spent it working in summer camps and walking all over Romania with a heavy backpack...but that was the only time...and I wasn't even trying to lose weight or get fit then. Isn't that how it works though?

After I got back home and soft again there was the deal with 5 dvds and two sets of bent metal bars, one set of which were weighted...I got in a couple workouts there before they got put away. Somewhere around there I also acquired a yoga VHS tape and a pilates dvd...neither of which was used more than once!!

After getting married, there's been the S factor book (browsed thru) and the Carmen Electra strip dvd set (partially watched and halfhearted followed once). And of course there were several times I committed to a workout routine in our apartment complex workout room...each lasted a day or two!! I'm also positive that scattered at random places thru these last 12 years there have been several sets of free weights and several workout mats as well!! Oh, and I just remembered...oh the shame!! At one point I even had one of those "Sweating to the Oldies" VHS tapes!!

I can't say I've spent as much on workout gear as some. Being a college student, then a nanny, then a missionary, then a mostly stay-at-home wife all with a rather limited income...my purchases have been MOSTLY on the smaller side. But I have to say, I think I've gone thru at least as many exercise fads as most of the rest of the commenters!!

I am 59 years old and I still have flash backs of my worst exercise equipment fiasco which occurred some 30 years ago. I was just a fat (fluffy) mom of two 6 year old twins when the “incident” occurred. I had purchased what was going to transform me into not only the coolest mom on the block but without doubt the shapeliest. It was a simple device, no tightly wound springs to accidentally spring out of control and take out a couple of teeth, no hinges to get any of my abundant curves caught in their steel grasp, no, it was simply made up of a few nylon ropes with loops on each end. It had a plastic hook to hang over the door and when the door was closed you simply laid down on the floor grasping the two loops over your head, one in each hand, while putting your feet through the two loops at your feet. Then as you lowered your arm your leg would go up alternating from side to side as you went. Simple enough, no great skill required or so I thought. So day one of my new fitness quest I waited until the kids had gone out to play, put on my black leotards, closed the curtains and shut the door. I was about 5 minutes into my first workout when suddenly the world went black. My 7 year daughter had burst through the door driving it into the back of my skull. (seems I forgot to lock the door) There I was, semi-conscious, looking like a fat marionette sprawled out on my living room floor with one arm dangling in the air supported by a blue nylon loop. Needless to say, I stayed fat and still have a headache to this day!

When I was 6 months pregnant (and living with my parents while we built our house) I bought a pregnancy yoga dvd with "Raimbeau" - and foolishly popped it in the dvd player for the first (and last) time one evening when we were all at home. I got to do guided kegel exercises with my DAD listening. "The elevator is at the fifth floor, now the fourth floor, now the third floor...work those pelvic floor muscles!" I don't know who was more embarrassed. I gave it to my sister-in-law and never heard about it again!

I don't have one single laughable attempt at excercise, there are many. I have also purchased products (read "giant excercise ball") from the television/internet with promises to my husband that I would use it every day. I guess I say that to justify the purchase. However, each attempt to use the thing gets undying excitement from the kids and what soon follows is me in my living room with my four oldest ones attempting to excercise with me. They seem to think this is more fun than playing outside... Soon it's crowded and I'm step-kicking into them and I end up giving up and giving in and let them have the excercise apparatus. What can I say?

YOu name it I have tried it. As a kid, yes a kid, I was not obese by any means, but my mom put us all on Richard Simmons Deal a Meal!!! This was the start of the diet sucker I am now. Oh and I am obese now according to the standards!
Next was this ridiculous Summer Diet Supplements (I think that was the name). They were these HUGE chocolate chalky tablets you had to chew... they didn't work.
My mother took me to Martha Rounds Slimnastics with some of her friends... I think I was like 16, so embarassing! I think I didn't even need to go!
Joined a gym ... yeah right! Again unless they picked me up and made me workout it didn't happen.
Joined weight watchers.... it worked, as long as I counted my points and exercised religiously, but lets face it now I have 2 kids and no time, so there went the diet!
I have a cheap a** stairmaster, it's not doing its job sitting in the basement! Then the whole workbench system, yeah right!
If my husband would just order me a bowflex and the North American weight loss plan I know I could be thin, oh maybe that PSX system too!

I would love to win the wii! So much fun!!!

WHAT?! I'm the only one who's experienced Paula Abdul's Get Up and Dance video? Man, I looked like an idiot...

Oh yeah, my dumb fitness purchase was this waist slimming belt I bought. Wear this belt every day, you can eat what you want and don't have to work out. It'll shrink your belly in no time! Instead what I got felt, what I assume medieval tortures must have felt like. This thing that was ten sizes too small squeezing every breath out of me so that I was sweaty and uncomfortable at work. Not to mention it kept rolling up and down! UGH!

I definitely got a chuckle out of your entry today. Let's see, I have tried so many of these fad weight loss gimics. I've had Walk Away the Pounds (both VHS and DVD because the DVD came with bungee straps), treadmill that was walk powered (dumb thing wasn't even electic, you had to make it go), stair stepper that only gave me horrible bruises to the insides of both ankles, Yoga Booty Ballet (evil tape with people that think that you can contort your body into some unhuman position), yoga mat and blocks (see above comments), the weight loss hypnosis tapes, but my far the worst of all was the Buns of Steel..pregnancy version. Yes, you read that right, I thought that it would be a good idea to purchase Buns of Steel while pregnant because it said that it was for women carrying a child. That was the worst tape anyone could ever invent. As if you didn't feel like a big bloated pig to begin with, they make this tape and try to make you believe that you too could look like a model pregnant woman if you only spend 30 minutes a day working on your buns. Never mind the fact that your center of gravity is off and you spend more time trying to stop from fallling over, it is almost an act of a higher being to physically lift your leg that high to participate in the activities. I mean, it's just pure evil. Needless to say, at the end of my pregnancy, I definitely did not have the Buns of Steel that were promised to me. Although it might have helped if I would have used the tape for something more that a drink coaster after the first two attempts.

Okay, I thought about this contest for like a day thinking that I didn't have any crazy fitness stories, but than I remembered when I was dating my husband and the great story that happened between he and his sister.
My SIL had a stepper tape she wanted to use to tighten her butt and thighs but she lacked a stepper. She was trying to figure what she could use instead and my husband (typical brother) suggested a coffee table. Oh yes, she did the forty-five minute step tape using a COFFEE TABLE as her stepper. To say she couldn't walk for two days is an understatement!

When we were kids we played nintendo A LOT. My parents finally realized that this was unhealthy but were at a bit of a loss as they were the ones who bought it for us.
They decided to get us a power pad and the olympics game. I suspect they imagined their chubby little children running and jumping their way to fitness all the while being fooled into thinking they were playing video games.
I'll never forget the look on my mother's face when she came into the play room to find my sister and I sitting beside the power pad lightly tapping it with our hands. Funny how we managed to get the highest score within two days. After that we were quite bored of it and went back to duck hunt!

Not quite a crazy fitness purchase but maybe you will consider my entry all the same?

Yeah, I totally bought into the Tony Little's Gazelle glider exercise machine. AND, not only did I want it, I asked my mother to buy it for me as my birthday or Christmas gift, which she totally did. I think I used it MAYBE three times. However, I sold it on E-Bay and actually had multiple bids, so I guess I'm not the only sucker out there. :)

http://www.tonylittle.com/detail.aspx?ID=4

Tae Bo – Oh No

I moved to Florida from up north and found out pretty quickly that when you live in Florida you are in a bathing suit, A LOT! I had seen the Tae Bo infomercial many times in the wee morning hours. I finally ordered it and knowing that I needed a partner to keep me to a work out schedule I asked the only friend I had made here so far to join me. Amy came over in a cute work out outfit and there I was in cut off sweats and my fiancés t-shirt. We started the work out and everything was fine until the back kicks. I actually fell down twice while attempting them. I apparently have no balance. Amy was trying so hard to hold in her laughter. I finally had to go get a chair and hold onto it while doing the back (and sometimes side) kicks. I was so embarrassed. Amy was like a ballerina. I got out of her that she had been on the dance team in college. We are still friends to this day, but I have no idea where the Tae-Bo video is!

Here's a quickie but a goodie. In the eighties, I joined a fitness club with a girlfriend. It was a BOGO deal but you had to authorize the entire year in advance to come out of your check book one month at a time. No problem (or so I thought). First class we go to is taught by some popular check that I hated back in high school. She recognized me right away and I tried to get on another person's mat but it was too late. Damn. So, I got the giggles. And they wouldn't quit. And I laughed so hard I peed. On the mat. A puddle of pee on the mat. In front of a popular girl from high school. When we had to stand for the next set of exercises I just walked out, never went back. Paid for the whole year one month at a time. I wish I could end the story by saying that chick from high school died in a freak barbell accident but that would be a lie. So dumbest purchase ever was a year's member ship at a fitness joint that I spent fifteen minutes one time.

Fitness purchases... where do I start? I bought the thigh master. How could it fail? It was so easy to use! Use it anytime. While your watching tv, reading a book, talking on the phone or even eating! Fool proof! Well, unless the fool puts it in the closet and never brings it out to see the light of day! Then there was the weighted hula hoop! I thought I was so smart! I can hula hoop again! OMG! I'm so good at it. I used it about 5 times until my boys broke it. I have discovered I'm not as good as I think though because I can't do hula unless it has the weights in it. Then I purchased the Nordic Track Elliptical Machine. I still have it. I refuse to hang clothes on it but I refuse to use it, too. When I first got it I used it about 10 times but then I started feeling something wierd in my hip/thigh region. One night on the town, I arrived at the bar and the band was playing my favorite song, Mustang Sally. I rushed the dance floor and danced like nobody was watching... well, when the song was over... something really didn't feel right... I had to go home! One song! Who knew a pulled groin muscle hurt so bad! I had to go to the clinic the next day.

Now, I'm on the Metro Station exercise plan. I plug in my iPod, play their songs and just dance. I have been eyeing those dance videos... you know the ones, "Learn to Samba while Exercising Off the Pounds!"

OMG... I was just looking for what those are actually called and came across "Totally Nude Aerobics." EW! Are these people insane? Ouch!

Okay, so I have no blog, but man I would LOVE to have a Wii fitness!! So I haven't been in the market long for a fitness builder since I had my own "personal trainer" up until a year and a half ago when I was in the army. And then came baby #2. Since I had sat on my rear for six months prior to having baby #2, I got large, really large, and I think I am even larger now, a year after baby #2. So I was motivated right after baby #2 came and I got a treadmill. I thought, "Yes, I can do this. I will start out 30 minutes a day and then work my way up." That lasted for about 3 days and then it sat, in my bedroom. I have also tried to get myself up in the mornings to go outside to walk/run before my hubby goes to work... thats not happening. And I also thought about getting my bike out, that has been riden twice since I bought it 3 years ago.

But I finally found the answer! It is the balancing ball chair! What could be better than exercising while I work!! I haven't tried it yet, but who could go wrong! Better posture, abs of steel, making the money??!?!?! I must try it!!

I dont have a blog so I thought I would just comment here.

Thigh Master...man they make it look so easy.
5 minute ab videos
AbMaster machine??

Robbin

Let me just say that before child #1, I was barely 110 lbs - 10 years and 2 more kids later, I am 5'3" and weigh 165. I have tried gym memberships (5 total), Curves (3 times), the thigh master, stair master, any other kind of master out there, treadmills, yoga (even while pregnant), pilates, kickboxing (don't even ask me about that one - flat on my butt!), Ephedrine pills, Hoodia pills, Oprah's diet, Dr Phil's diet, the grapefruit diet, Weight Watchers (4 seperate times) . . . oh, the list is endless! As you can see I NEED that Wii, since it obviously the only thing I haven't tried (short of surgery - oh, if only I could afford it). Thanks and BTW your blog is hilarious! You had me in tears!

Ummm...let's see.

There were the Tony Little exercise tapes. "You can DO IT." Nope, couldn't (and didn't).

Then I found "Bellydancing: Fitness for Beginners" by Veena and Neena thinking that I could get fit and learn some sexy moves for my boyfriend. Uh huh. Sexy bellies move (and look) much different than my belly. All I learned how to do was injure my hip muscles to the point that there were no sexy moves allowed from the boyfriend for almost two weeks. Definitely not a part of the plan.

Then the pilates DVDs and the Slim in 6 DVDs. Even the altered moves were too hard to keep up with. I had to keep stopping the DVDs and resting for 10 minutes just to be able to continue breathing.

I will begrudgingly admit to participation in Richard Simmons video when I was younger (with my mother). Fun times.

We have a treadmill in the basement that has been turned into a collection spot for crap we can't find homes for and there's a very nice stationary bike out on the porch that is rusting as I type.

I also bought an actual bike (well, technically my father bought it for me since he loves bike riding so much and thought it would be good for us to do together). Did that for a summer, participated in the MS150, thought I was going to die halfway through, finished the event, drove the bike home in the car, and parked it in the basement, where it's sat for two years. All I can say is you'd think extra butt padding would help (no, no it won't).

Then there's the aerobic steps that make me avoid stairs for a few days at a time.

And the humiliation is sure to continue.

Oh my goodness! Tony Little's Gazelle is an amazing machine! It really IS a good workout, much easier on the knees than running... really amazing! Alas... I didn't GET Tony Little's Gazelle... I went to Shopko and bought something LIKE a gazelle, but totally NOT a gazelle! The one I bought had a support bar across the front of it, so when your foot went forward, the bar that holds the foot pad would hit it, making a workout sound like... "BANG BANG BANG BANG!" and after about 10 or so hits, if you weren't paying attention, because you were caught up in the rythm of the moves... your foot would then slide off the FRONT of the foot pad, and you'd then do the splits, with your back foot still on the peddle, front foot on the floor... causing massive muscle tears in your thighs and groin area. Yeah... that was a VERY pleasant piece of equipment!

I have a friend who has a Wii console, with the original games that came with it, and I find boxing to be VERY good excercise, AND a good way to work out all my stress and tension! She discovered, the first time we boxed each other, that I'm not the meak and mild "church lady" she thought I was! LOL I killed her bad! She just stood there, mouth agape, unblinking at the fury with which I beat her down... ooops! my bad!

I purchased a Rebounder---mini trampolene to those of you who don't recognize the name. My kids had more fun on it than I did. My knees wore out and I had to have a total knee replacement last summer. My knees are good as new--wait they are new---and I would love a Wii. Thanks for making me laugh!

I have quite a collection of workout videos because, you know, 20 videos is so much cheaper than a gym membership or machines. They only work if you actually use them.

I have the usual - quite a few exercise videos of various genres complemented with balls, bands and so many weights you can barely get into my basement. But the "best" idea for exercise I ever had did not involve any money (thank goodness.) I had hear you and "Ginger" raving about your trampolines and how great they were, so I decided I would just jump on my kids' full-sized trampoline each night for 20 or 30 minutes...

Ha! I think I lasted all of 7 minutes the first night, 3 the next night and never tried it again. Something about the idea that I "had" to do it took all the fun out of it and made it incredibly boring. Plus, I felt a bit voyeuristic - each time I jumped up I could peak into my neighbor's homes and get a stop-motion idea of what they were doing.

Let's see...

1. Tae Bo Videos I bought in college. I had a big window in my dorm room and was too embarrassed to do the workout with the window b/c I couldn't get the punch/kick thing down.

2. I can't even remember the name but I bought a small wheel with two handles on it. It was supposed to create awesome abs. You got on your knees, put your hands on the handles, and rolled your way to a flat stomach. The first roll, I ended up flat on the floor with carpet burn on my chin.

3. I got suckered in by the Saturday morning infomercials. Another set of videos and a big purple step (that eventually got converted into a step stool).

4. I was a member at Curves. I went a couple times a week for a number of months. Then I moved to a different city. I paid for the Curves membership (in the wrong city) for almost a year after I moved.

5. I started "running" at the local middle school track. I think my first day, I pulled/tore a muscle in my ankle. I just thought it was a little pain from not exercising. Eventually, I had to not only quit the "running", but wrap the ankle and wear ugly flats to work for 3 weeks until the thing healed.

6. Since the running thing didn't work, I thought I'd try the Gazelle. I had thought they looked fun and I could probably watch tv and do it. First try, my legs wobbled so much my chin hit the bar with the calorie counter (my chin doesn't fair well in exercise). But I did finally master it and loved it. I moved again last year and it's still wrapped up.

7. Bought some 5 pound weights to help tone my arms before my fall wedding. I caught my 15 pound dog carrying one like a bone through the house. That image still cracks me up.

8. After getting married, my husband moved his weight machine into our basement. It took much work to get the thing inside...there was a lot of dismanteling (including doors), some pinched skin, and not 1 hour after getting it set up, it had clothes hanging on it. Seven months later, they're still there.

I damaged my L5-S1 nerve moving 45lbs boxes at work because I was too impatient to wait for the dock guys to have a break and do it for me. (End of a 13 hour shift is my excuse and I'm stickin' to it)

Anyway - I spent a year sitting at home on the futon, watching bad TV and eating Lays Sour Cream and Onion chips. I'd gone from walking 5 miles a day to.. er, well. So, looking in the mirror one day I realized I had to lose weight. Scared to do more damage to myself, I asked my doctor for his opinion, he says go to a gym with personal trainers.

Off I go. I try to sign up and one of the questions is about injuries and disabilities, I honestly answer about my back + left leg issues. (I know you Moms can think 'Sciatica' pain + back trauma.. :) They say they can't allow me to work out. I say "What?" surprised. The woman behind the counter says loudly and slowly "We can not help you. You are not in any condition to be working out." Eyes are staring at me. Great! A whole gaggle of people think I'm too fat for a gym! Waaaah.

Back to the doctor I go. I can't walk for distances and I can't twist at the waist and I'm scared to work out without help. Doctor seems puzzled that the gym wouldn't help me and suggests I try another gym. Let me tell you, this doctor helped me burn through my optimism with life pretty quick! :)

Three gyms later and I have a mystified doctor, he says I should try a physio center. The physio center says they'd be THRILLED to help me, but since Medicare (God bless Canada!) wouldn't assist me, it would be $145 per visit. Here I am, disabled writer, staring at the receptionist, probably doing a stranded fish impression. "Wha?" I think I managed.

This woman starts in on a rant about if I want to be serious I have to pay for it and pretty much scares me out the door. I retreat to Mom's to whine. (I hear the snickers now.) Mom looks me up, looks me down and says "C'mere." I follow her outside, mystified. She hands me this strange implement that looks like it's for stabbing in the foot of pushy door salesman. "Use that," she points, "on those." My mother is making my weed. I'm 22 years old, I shouldn't have to weed my mothers garden. I start to protest. I recieve the look. ducking head, I start weeding.

I weeded her garden. I washed her car. I can't even remember all the ingenious exercises she came up with for me do that didn't involve bending, twisting or being too far for something to sit on when my leg gave out. My Dad stayed out of it and just cooked dinner for me. Every day my mother handed me gas money for the trip home after offering me a bed for the night.

I lost 35 of the 75 lbs before she ran out of things for me to do. She nodded in satisfaction and bought me a treadmill so I could just fall off whenever my leg had too much.

Y'know, its the bestest most wonderful clothes hanger anyone has ever given me, I lost the rest of the weight through very careful watching of my diet.. but let's not tell Mom that. :)

After my second daughter was born, I gave myself 1 year to lose the baby weight. Well, as her second birthday approached, my husband reminded me of my goal and I convinced him I hadn't been working out because I didn't have time to go to the gym (which really was true.) But I assured him that if I had my very own elliptical in front of the TV, I could workout watching Oprah every day! In the interest of finances I purchased a used *basic* model (read: no electricity). This means that I had to make that sucker work all on my own....no power to help me out. I knew I was out of shape, but have mercy, I couldn't get that thing a-hummin'. So, to save face in front of my husband, I would play with the timer so that it looked like I spent time on it. This went on for about 3 weeks before I decided to break down and tell him the truth...besides, it was starting to gather dust and I didn't know how to explain that the timer was being used if the seat was covered with dust. So, he took me out for ice cream and we wrote the ad to sell it off!

I've had it all Denise Austin's videos, Denise Austin's trim rider, a stair climber, a treadmill, ab roller, gazelle & ablounger, the list goes on, the ablounger is sitting in our tiny living room next to my husband's recliner. The most excitement my treadmill has seen (other than holding our shammed pillows)... is when my oldest daughter lost her first tooth... we were in bed already, when my husband remembered that we needed to leave her money, so he went to the car for change... (at this time the treadmill was in the living room in front of the front window) i thought i'd be cute/sexy/etc.... stripped down and wedged myself between the treadmill and picture window - pressed myself up against the window (again, tightly wedged between the treadmill and window). We lived in an area of town where mostly elderly people, so thought i was safe being that it was 10:30 at night.... well.... i seemed to be waiting forever for my husband, he must've had to dig hard for this change... sooo... in the meantime, headlights from the truck right in front of the house came on and the truck started moving! again, i was wedged so it was a struggle to get loose & i was laughing on top of that! by the time my husband came in, i was laughing my butt off laying nekid in the middle of the living room floor! he came in and asked me what was going on, i was laughing too hard to tell him.... i never used the front door again for fear of seeing that neighbor! sold the treadmill last year, that memory will last forever.

Well, until recently, I just did the usual stuff: join a gym and never go, etc.

Then I got cancer. I didn't do it on purpose(duh...)

The drugs I'm on don't usually make me nauseus... unless I eat too much.

So, as long as I don't overeat, I'm fine...

It's been a fairly effective diet.

:-}

I'm far too cheap to spend much money on failed exercise plans. Unfortunately, I'm a pushover when my husband starts one.

http://ktjrdn.typepad.com/whats_new/2008/05/motivation.html

Ok, my fitness equipment purchases can not hold a candle to some of these. Especially that iGallop... holy crap, that thing's infomercial should only run after midnight!

I have purchased, borrowed and/or was given the following:
treadmill, eliptical bike, mini trampoline, The Firm Stepper, leg weights, wrist weights, free weights, resistance bands, Tae Bo, Pilates and Yoga DVDs, 8 Minute Abs, 8 Minutes Legs, Bellydancing for Beginners... While I use some of these still, my biggest fitness shame has to be the electrical ab toning belt. If it was good enough for our brave astronauts, surely is was good enough for me! What they neglect to tell you is that if you use less than 1/2 a gallon of that ultrasound-like gel, YOU WILL BE ELECTROCUTED. And not in a static zap in the winter kind of way. In a HOLY CRAP THAT HURT kind of way. I suppose it's possible to lose weight with it, but only because twitching on the floor burns calories.

I just blogged about the contest. Here is my link. Thanks. http://kristenmclane.com/2008/05/16/i-cant-dance/

I've got so many fitness purchase horror stories I barely know where to start. Right after my twins were born I bought a step aerobics video that came with the step. The video got played maybe three times but the step itself was used a lot, it made a great stepstool in the bathroom for the kids to brush their teeth.

I tried so many different workout videos and DVDs that the names have thankfully slipped into obsurity in my mind, the only things they all had in common was their ability to gather dust while sitting on a shelf and the way they would inspire me to greater and more creative excuses as to why I couldn't pop one in and work out. "The kids are asleep and I don't want to wake them up", "The living room is a mess and I would have to clean it before I could work out", "The cat tries to attack my shoelaces when I'm jumping around and I'm afraid of accidentally kicking her in the head"

When the ab roller was the hottest thing out there I found that I was too cheap to buy the actual ab roller, but I found this great alternative that consisted of nothing more than a couple of plastic wheels with a handle through it. It should work the same way, right? Just get down on my knees, grab the thing with my hands and roll my way to a flatter tummy in just 10 minutes a day! First time I tried to use it, I overextended myself when I rolled out and face planted directly into the floor. I swear I could hear the cat snickering behind me.

I can't forget to mention the odd looking exercise machine that had me grabbing handlebars that had me sticking my butt way out behind me while leaning over to grab handlebars that then pulled into my chest while my hips pushed up. It was supposed to do wonders for my butt and abs, instead it just made my shoulders ache and gave me a big bruise across my chest from me forgetting to set the resistance and pulling back too hard and whacking myself in the chest.

Then there was the elliptical trainer that I was smart enough to buy used off of craigslist instead of spending the money to buy it new. I set it in my bedroom with visions of me getting out of bed early every morning and gracefully working off the pounds while I watched the morning news. That lasted all of a week and I then spent the next year stubbing my toes on it while I stumbled blindly from the bed in search of coffee to wake up.

But I think the single worst exercise purchase I ever made had to have been the rollerblades. I bought these when the twins were toddlers, thinking that I could use my bike trailer/jogging stroller and get quite the workout. This rollerblading thing would be great, I could put them on, stick the babies in the stroller, use it to help me balance and we'd be on our way. The first time I tried them, I realized that I had no idea how to stop and ended up planting the front wheel of the stroller in a bush, embedding the handle in my stomach. I made it all of two blocks in that attempt. Second attempt, I put the kids in the stroller and sat down on my front step to put the skates on. I tried to stand up to grab my wrist guards which were sitting on the stroller and both feet rolled right out from under me and I went down hard right back on the step I'd just gotten up from. Broke my right wrist and my tailbone. Before the cast even came off I had donated the skates to a friend's garage sale.

These days I'm using a much simpler workout plan. I play basketball and lacrosse with the kids in the yard, I take the dogs for long walks. My mother was talking about getting Wii Fit for her Wii, and I mentioned that I'd love to get it, although it would be a workout in itself to get the kids off of it long enough for me to use it

I was suckered into buying an "Exercise Kit" from an infomercial that had those bands that you work out with and a DVD to follow along. First of all, you buy different sizes of the bands, based on your body type and how much resistance you want. I'm 5'3" and thought I was much tougher than I really am, so I ordered the smallest (also tightest, most resistant) bands they offered.

I was using the bands in my living room, watching the DVD, and really struggling. The band was waaayyy to short for me and was also really tight. I was getting a KILELR workout.

About 20 minutes into my routine, I started working on my arms after doing my legs, which were markedly similar to wet spaghetti noodles at this point. So I had the band lodged under my foot, and I was doing bicep curls with each end in each hand. Keeping in mind, the band was really tight, and I was using all of my gusto just to do half of a curl. All of a sudden, my legs could no longer take the abuse, and the band sprung out from underneath my foot. Trying to keep my balance and hold tight to the band, it flung up, hitting our brand new flat-screen TV square in the center, knocking it backwards off the stand and smack onto the entertainment center. To make matters worse, the right end of the band slipped out of my hand and shot straight up in the air, poking a D-shaped (from the handle) hole in the ceiling.

I was so mortified that I stood there, frozen, for about 40 minutes. The TV was completely unsalvageable, and I had to come up with an excuse to tell my husband, other than, "A good workout gone totally bad."

Needless to say, I am no longer allowed to be within 400 yards of any TVs or workout videos.

Ok, this doesn't count as entering twice...it's more of an addendum to my previous comment/entry.

Y over at Joy Unexpected pointed this out:
...(Ok. I'll concede. She [Jenny] totally wins. The only person who could ever beat her is the person who actually paid money for the Oxycise videos.)

Well, not only did I buy the Oxycise videos and never break the shrinkwrap, but I completely forgot that I ever bought it until reading her post! I think that means I automatically win. Right? Right??? Hello????

:)

I've purchased a few things over the years - Tai Bo, Pilates, maybe another set of videos, too. I can't remember them all.
HOWEVER...my most impressive purchase was an exercise bike for Mother's Day a few years ago (after baby #1). I used it maybe 5-10 times and then it sat in the nursery...yes, I put it in the nursery so I didn't have to see it in my living room or bedroom every day. Then, about 5 months ago, I moved it out of the nursery into the corner upstairs so I could paint & arrange the nursery for Baby #3 (who was 5 months old at the time - we're kinda slow!). I managed to steer clear of it until one morning as I was rushing around getting all the kiddos ready to leave. I ran up stairs and right into the "foot" of the bike with my left pinky toe. It didn't just hurt bad...it broke and was left sticking off my foot at a very odd angle. Now...4 months later, it's as normal as it will ever be...and the bike, well, it's back in the corner of the nursery where it can't hurt me anymore!
Eventually, I'll get on it again...or will I?

Cindy Crawford tried to kill me.

Back in the early 90’s, Cindy Crawford’s work out infomercial “Shape Your Body Workout” was all over television. Who doesn’t want to look like Cindy Crawford?! I was hooked on the infomercial and threw down my 2 easy payments of $19.95 for my very own soft core pipe dream.

I got the video and immediately tried it out. Halfway into the workout I yanked something in my back and fell to the floor. I spent the next 4 days flat on my back with a slipped disc ordering pizza and Chinese food delivery. Hardly the way to get a Cindy Crawford body!

According to Amazon.com’s review “This "toning" video would be a joke, except that you really could get hurt following it. In fact, when Shape Your Body first came out, fitness expert Peg Jordan, author of Fitness Instinct, appeared on CNN warning viewers about the risks of this video. "I received a call from a chiropractor who had treated 12 patients' back injuries from that video alone!" she recalls. If you've got to have this one, watch it only, don't do it. --Joan Price”

Beauty hurts.

I've posted my embarrassing fitness story on my blog: http://thebigsalad.blogspot.com/.

I have to tell you, those shoes reminded me of nothing so much as The Jimmy's "plyometric" shoes on Seinfeld. Did they at least make you jump higher?

Once when I was about 15, I decided enough was enough. I was on a mission to lose weight that summer. I would do anything to lose 25 lbs. So, my mom bless her heart, tried to help me. She bought me an expensive "slim-fast like" weightloss milkshake plan. When that didn't work she took me to a "special lady".
Yes, we're Mexican...
This lady was a "herb-doctor". hmmm? Carazzy now that I think about it. How can she help me?
She massaged my entire back and rubbed herbs around me, all while praying to the weight loss gods.
Then she proceeded to tell my mom that the reason I was "swollen" (her words) was because I had my uterus in the wrong place. It was hanging low...which explains the swollen stomach...right?? ;) She told my mom if it was in the right place then my stomach wouldn't have that "pouch". WTF?? I remember asking my mom at that very moment..."wha, who cares...how is that going to help?" Right before my eyes, my mom told her to fix it. "WHAT!!??!" I remember at that moment, I wanted to run FAR away...I had no idea what she was going to do next.
She had me place my hands on the floor and my legs on the bed (doggie style). Can you imagine what this 15 year old felt?? I was so scared. My mom was right there...hoping this was the miricle cure to that "swollen pouch". I call it fat...but whatevs!
So the herb doctor proceeded to tell me to relax....then she hit my tailbone as hard as she could with her palm. I screamed so loud, I'm sure you heard the screams. I jumped up off the bed and started crying. It hurt like hell!

Guess what?

I never lost any weight from the smack in the ass. In fact, that experience was so traumatic that I gained weight that summer. Oh, and I think my uterus is still out of wack. Know of any herb doctors? ;) humph.

I actually purchased with hard earned cash the walking to get fit videos (can't remember who the chick was) - this is embarassing due to the fact that I paid money to learn to walk in place!! The video was the exact same thing we used to do in high school band when we were out on the football field and marched in place! Shortly after the 2nd and last time I watched the video I even figured out that I could go outside and walk around and get the same results. I'm smart that way.

Thanks for letting me relive this memory!

I wrote about my OPRAH recommended impulse purchase of The Ultimate Sex Diet Book on my blog

http://curvatude.blogspot.com/2008/05/i-cant-believe-i-did-that.html

OK, here's the list.....

Billy Blanks videos,
Step aerobics with Dennise Austin,
Walking for fitness DVD..seriously why do you need a DVD to march in place?
Health rider
and the mother of all Carmen Electra's Striptease workout (I got that as a hint/gift for christmas from hubby)

I did have a friend who loved the thightmaster so much that she snapped that thing in half with her powerful thighs!

I would love to try the Wii Fit too!

After ten months of not being allowed to exercise ("absolutely no unnecessary activity")because of a high risk pregnancy and then a c-section, I'm finally ready to get back on the horse. In the past, I've tried the purchase and do at home route (ab lounger that was more of a vaulting machine for my preschooler after I decided I was too short to really utilize it appropriately, the eliptical machine that I still can't figure out how to fully assemble after a little more than two years, the Tae Bo videos, blah, blah, blah). I haven't always been the most disciplined about it...So, my best strategy to lose the baby weight after baby four was to buy the gym membership (and the accompanying childcare) and feel obligated to attend classes so as to not waste my money. Of course I also had to purchase a cute little workout outfit to make me feel slightly less horrible about my body. Well this morning was the six weeks post c-section mark and day one of the gym membership. I got all of the kids up, dressed, and out the door just in time. Admittedly I had to use my breast pump while driving to the gym in order to not explode in class and so that my baby could eat while I was in class. Made it to class, of course about two minutes late, only to be called out by the teacher "Looks like we have someone new today...have you ever come to class before?". Trying to forewarn the group of my potential heart attack that could be brought on by exercising I explained that I was starting back today post baby. Well, they actually applauded for me so I was feeling pretty good. That was until about 10 minutes into class when doing some more called "soccer kicks". You are supposed to alternate which foot kicks up onto the step. In a moment of great coordination and skill I managed to catch my foot on the step and wipe out. I don't mean trip, I mean fall off the step flat onto my back. Both the teacher, a gym staff member, and misc. classmates all came running to stand over me. Quite possibly one of the most embarassing moments of my life. I survived only to be completely inept in the endurance dept. for the rest of the class. Needless to say I was the first person to dash out the door after class in an attempt to avoid the inevitable "are you sure you are alright" questions. Arriving back at the childwatch area I realized they were working at a ratio of 2 caregivers to at least 30 kids...lovely. Did I mention one of my two year old twins was flat on the ground having just been decked by another kid and my other son was being pulled by the neck of his shirt? So much for the YMCA...maybe this isn't the key to getting my body back! Rather than public pressure, I think I need to find a fun and effective way to get my self back in shape in the privacy of my own home...like a wii! Of course when I was pregnant I got invited to a wii girls party but decided virtual bowling and tennis probably didn't qualify as "absolutely necessary activity" so I had to miss out on the fun. Maybe now is my chance with the Wii fit...of course, even here at home I'll be sure to bust out my cute little workout outfit!

This is one of the funniest posts ever. Ellen rode the igallop the other day on her show and I spit soda across the room it was so funny.

I would love to win a Wii and the Wii Fit system. I am currently down 30lbs (YEAH!) but need to lose about 40 more.

My horror fitness story starts with 5 little words: Body Flex by Greer Childers. (http://www.amazon.com/Body-Flex-1-2/dp/B0007CI950) Oh. My.God. When I saw it advertized on late night TV about 8 years ago, I was an overweight college student, broke as hell, but I HAD to get this system that made me lose weight and inches JUST. BY. BREATHING! What?!?! No lunges? No running on the treadmill? No dieting???? No giving up on the bad of doritos a day habit I had formed?? SIGN ME UP!

I think I paid 2 easy payments of $19.95 and in a few short weeks I had my tapes. I threw tape 1 in the VCR and pushed play. There was this thin "mature" woman in a 80's style belted leotard explaining that I could get thin in "minutes of deep breathing a day". This sounded SO easy even I could do it. Goodbye Flabby Tummy!

So I started deep breathing along with her - deeeeeep breath in; deeeeeeep breath out. Ok I can do this. Then, she tells me to scrunch up my face, stick my tongue out as far as it will go and hold it for 30 seconds. What the wa? So I do it (lemming that I am) and realize that not only am I giving myself a headache and a tounge-ache at the same time, but that I look like a fricking FOOL!! Then came other pretzel-like poses and freaky stuff that I was not comfortable doing without first agreeing on a safe word.

I DID finish the tape that first time I did it, but I never went back to it because Greer? She is NUTSO-CRAZY and there is NO WAY I was gonna lose 60lbs by just BREATHING. The tapes are still on my shelf at home, gathering dust and reminding me of the times when I thought I was fat but really had no idea what fat was. PS: check out the user comments on Amazon- they LOVE this tape set. Crazy people.

I also have Ti-Bo, Walk Away the Pounds (I actually like this one), Sweating to the Oldies, the McDonald's workout video I got free with an "active" meal a few years back.... OH! And I have the TTAP DVD's. I do like them but a funny thing happened while doing the workout-- I was at a group class about 3 years ago and passed out in front of God and everyone because I hadn't eaten anything before I started the hour long workout. Fat girl falling! Cute.

AJ

Well, I think I've bought just about everything as well, but the embarrassing fitness story is about a fitness video I purchased. The video was for BodyPump, the great class taught at some gyms. I actually paid over $100 for it because it came with a bar and weights. So, I put the fitness video in our bedroom VCR and started watching. My husband came home and heard the music of the video and thought I was actually using my new purchase. He quietly snuck up the stairs and peeped around the corner of the door, only to find me in bed with the covers up to my neck watching the video! To this day, he will not let me live that down! He thinks about it and just starts laughing. Apparently you can't lose weight or tone up by just watching the video. Ironically, that was the first and only time I watched the video. I think the only exercise I got with the weights was when we moved from our old house to the new one.

I am still carrying weight from my baby (will turn 16 in Sept). I've tried a bunch of DVDs, (can't stand Billy what's his face looking at me!); the exercise ball (I'm tall-it was short-not a good combination); and the ever-so-popular step aerobics (now a bench for junk). Now I mostly watch workout videos on exercise TV on demand. I don't do them, mind you, just watch. I'd love the new Wii game. My son says, "Why pay for something you can do at home for free?" He just doesn't understand the need to buy something to lose weight. Kids.

Although I have struggled with those last ten pounds for most of my adult life and attempted many strange schemes in order to lose them, my last weight loss attempt takes the cake.

I was searching for affordable (none) Pilates classes on Craigslist when I found a posting soliciting candidates for a weight loss pill. They were seeking "befores" to turn into "afters". As a side benefit for trying the pill, the participants got eight weeks of four days a week Pilates' mat classes.

When I went to the audition, Casting Agent #1 said I was probably too thin but Casting Agent #2 said I could be fine if I ate a lot of bread and candy before the weigh in. When she asked me if I could do that, it was like showing up for the final at breathing class. I told her yes, and after a three day binge on candy and sandwiches that made me satisfactory material for the program, I weighed in and got ready to go. The before photo session was a lot of "push that tummy out" and pretty much the opposite of everything your Grandmother ever told you.

The Pilates classes turned out to be notsomuch Pilates classes, but an hour of intense cardio where a Pilates instructor yelled at about the perils carbohydrates and then apologized for yelling, explaining that the producers were paying her to make us lose weight. The pills themselves while being extremely thermogenic and handy for those who suffered from irregularity really didn't suppress much appetite or stop any weight gain.

The Casting Agents would have weekly weigh-ins that revealed that most people were either gaining weight or maintaining. When Casting Agent #1 chastized one candidate for gaining seven pounds the candidate snapped back, "Diarrhea makes me HUNGRY!"

Over the eight weeks, I lost eleven pounds, the same amount I gained in a three day period of binging. My abs were admittedly more exposed, but that might have had a bit more to do with the exercise program than the smelly brown pills.

When I went to shoot the after pictures, I was was a little nervous walking in front of the bright lights. I had my best pushup pads on under my bikini top and had indulged in at least a gallon of cellulite disguising self-tanner. Casting Agent No. 2 told me I looked good and Casting Agent No. 1 whisperingly beckoned me over to a dimly lit closet. Inside was a cosmetic artist with a spray gun.

"We're going to do your abs just a little," Casting Agent No. 1 said. "We do it on everyone," Casting Agent No. 2 said.

"It saves them time on the Photoshop," the Makeup Artist muttered.

"SUCK IT IN!" The Photographer yelled.

I saw the after pictures. They looked like me, 10 pounds lighter with a healthy shellacking of orange. They weren't bad. The next time I suffer from traveler's constipation I might consider picking up a some of those pills.

Wow, winning a Wii! It would be so awesome for me to play Mario Kart with my kids work out with the Wii Fit!

For the contest...

Hey, I’d like to think I’m no sucker for the latest fads in exercise equipment. I don’t waste my time. One look at the infomercials is like watching a rerun of Fantasy Island (emphasis on the word fantasy). No butt of mine (all three of them) has ever firmed up with an elastic band. Arm flab mocks me each time I shave under my arms, and that’s just two times a year too many. Steps, bikes (stationary or moving), bands, weights, DVDs… they’re not worth squat. They’re worth less than squat. More like diddly squat. And I don’t fall for the hype… no sireee.

However, during my late night television viewing, I did notice that in the commercials with the tanned, sleek, toned woman (the kind you want to slap around a bit and knock her down to… ahem… size), there was a tanned, finely honed beefcake of a man with her. “I’m gonna’ get me one of those,” I thought. “Working out with him (wink, wink) will keep me thin.” So I did. I found my very own beefcake and reeled him in. Even got him to give me a ring, to boot.

Now, eleven years later, I am fit. I mean, really fit. Fit to be tied, honey. I am 10 pounds heavier on my bathroom scale (22 at the doctor’s office) – and that doesn’t include the extra 104 that always need a ride somewhere and eat me out of house and home. My boobs are smaller… but sooooo not in a good way. More like in a shriveled up, ‘yeah, someone nursed on these for 48 straight months’ kind of way. You’d think I was manufacturing sandpaper listening to my thighs as I’m walking down the street. And I’d like to say people admire the cute set of dimples on my cheeks as I’m walkin’ down that same street; but lo and behold, wrong set of cheeks.

Yup, that beefcake was one pricey piece of fitness equipment… and sure, he’s sometimes a little embarrassing. I’m wondering if I’m really better off because of him – then I remember that he has toughened me up in some soft spots. He’s pretty durable. On occasion he’ll hold the laundry. And while that’s usually because he’s under it on the sofa, remote in hand… he did come with a lifetime guarantee.

Here's my post - I am dying over here - you people are like my FAMILY! I feel so close to you!

http://coffeeteasodapoppeets.blogspot.com/2008/05/fitness-in-minutes.html

Sorry I'm not clever to get that to link directly...someone should teach me that trick...

We've tried a few different things to get me off my butt. I recently tried renting a few dance fitness videos from my local movie store and was so embarrased just watching them I had to return them immediately.

But my somewhat triumphant story is this..

My dear husband found a bowflex-type machine online for only $50. His buddy from work convinced him he needed it.. it was "such a great deal!" that he begged me to get it. I told him.. "Fine." but with one condition.. if he didn't use it for a 30-day period he had to sell it to his buddy. Less than 2 months later.. that gianormous piece of exercise furniture was gone. :)

Since that space-eating fiasco.. we've bought some mountain bikes.. but on our first outing with the family I was nearly hit by a car trying to cross a street!!

... maybe I'm just destined to stay out of shape.

I don't remember all the names!
1. Cindy Crawford workout tape. (Used it, but always stared at her mole)
2. the thing that assisted you in doing sit ups. (i think my son used it as a jungle jim)
3. Healthrider (used it for probably 1 minute on 2 occasions)
4. Old treadmill, disguised it as a coat hanger
5. BOWFLEX - still have it, 7 years now, used it for a total of about 14 weeks 5 years ago. It holds the kids back packs nicely.
6. Orbitrek - we killed that thing, we used it until it died during the afore mentioned 14 weeks. (it was like an eliptical glider)
7. Eliptical glider - orbitrek replacement, haven't used it since joining a gym and realizing what an incredible piece of crap it is. It holds the diaper bag. And the kids play on it, and then stop when they get hurt.
8. Richard Simmons tapes and stretchy band set.
9. Walking tapes, yoga tapes, pilates tapes, tae bo, (body parts) of steel and the one with the most lasting effects would be THE FIRM - i had sciatic pain and couldn't feel my right leg for about 3 months after the first use.
WOW! I'm truly amazed at how much crap I have purchased, thanks for bringing that to my attention, I'm going to call a therapist and weight watchers now.

I'm in! I posted on my blog, out there for all the world to see! Gee, that was (painful) cathartic!

I wrote about a most painfully embarrassing moment in the locker room at the local gym.

Thanks for the contest, and hope I win!!!

Okay, I've bought a lot of stuff, The ab roller, free weights, ankle weights(which practically made me throw out my hip!), a medicine ball(I smashed all my fingers and dropped it on my chest! yeah, great!), a big exercise ball(which I continually fell off of), a yoga mat(I never did yoga), the cross crunch(a cheap plastic thing that didn't work at all), a step and step workout DVD(I twisted my ankle), I also got the Carmen Electra strip tease video(let's not go there!), some dance exercise DVD's(my husband came running into the room, he thought the washing machine was off balance!), a jogging stroller(so I could jog with my daughter after she was born, I have never jogged). That's about all I have for the embarrassing exercise stuff! I hope I have a chance, the Wii sounds like a blast! I really am motivated to exercise!!

Boy, it seems like all I do is look for the quick fix, and IT'S NOT WORKING!!!! Let's see, I happen to own quite a bit of stuff all floating around the entire house (and barn). I purchased the Lateral Thigh Trainer (I think it's called something else now) Yea, no thank you. It's currently collecting dust in my barn waiting for our yard sale. Ever try the Gizzelle by Tony Little? Hah, need balance and coordination to try and keep going on that. Most of the time my legs are never in sync and I have actually fallen off of it before (oops). A plethora(sp) of DVD's, VHS and who knows how many shows I've taped. I will play each one excatly TWO times, then into the DVD buckets they go. Just recently I bought The Firm set. Figured, why no go for it, I can do it at home, get myself in better shape, Yup, so far only seen 2 of the 4 videos and only just felt the weights. Now I figure Hey, should just get a balance ball and sit on it when I'm watching TV, yea, I figured the 15 minutes of using the foot pump to blow it up was enough excerise.
And to top it all off? I've had a gym membership for 4 months and only went for 2 days!
Wow, now after writing that down, I feel pretty pathetic.

Well I just did six minutes of desperately trying to hold in my laughter while reading this post, so does that count as a workout?

I've lost count of the treadmills I've had and, if not for damning video, have totally gone amnesiac on a "full gym" in a garage at one time ...wth was I thinking?

Suffice it to say that the last set of DVDs I purchased came with large resistance bands that snapped nastily at my bare feet, and the ending "exhale cleansing breath" must have been akin to a mating call, my roommate at the time running to my room, wanting to know how that could possibly be a healthy breath...

Well anyway, I too heard about the WiiFit and I would so love to give it a go.

(Oh and not this is a buttering-up or anything, but I am totally favoriting your blog for further reading...I haven't laughed this hard for a long, long time (although Y's "$100 for a rubber stick" was pretty funny.)

I bought one of those mini trampolines, and my first time jumping on it I fell off and sprained my ankle. I think I donated it to charity after that. I also got stucked into buying one of Susan Sommers ab rollers late one night.. I used it maybe 2 or 3 times.. but for the life of me I can't remember where it is now!

Oh my, I think this is the best reading I've done all week!

I have nothing to contribute really...I mean, I had (okay, still have) a Jane Fonda step workout - which I thought was a total rip-off because Jane Fonda doesn't actually to the work out, just the 8 minutes of ab toning at the end. Instead it's got three aerobic instructors that are quite easy to back-talk. But, I did use it for quite a while...not that I noticed a difference in weight, but I'm sure it was good for my heart or something.

We also have a recumbant bike, spoken of highly by Mel from Actual Unretouched Photo...I try to replicate her excercising streaks, but haven't made it for a week.

The most entertaining excercise-related story I have is that of my college roomate and I watching Denise Austin and Gil and Ada Janklowitz (sp?)...on ESPN, maybe? They were always in such beautiful locales... But, you know we didn't actually participate, right? We just watched.

Dude, the iGallop!

KettleBell Killer.

Fitness has never been my forte. I would like to be fit, but I don't like trying to get fit. I do not love to exercise, and I have never understood those people who do. Over the years, I have found some exercise DVDs (bellydancing, New York City Ballet) that were enjoyable, but none that were so much fun that I wanted to do them several times a week. Still, after reading about this contest, I am feeling completely normal.
I admit that I did get sucked in to buying a Nordic Track Skier back in the early 1990s when there were actually only a few pieces of exercise equipment regularly advertised on TV. But, as I have seen happen many times since in other people's homes, it became a clothes rack. Perhaps someone should just design clothes storage features into exercise equipment, since that is so frequently the outcome. Or perhaps knowing that the presumption was that it would not be used as exercise equipment would have a reverse-psychology effect and encourage exercise. Just an idea.
At any rate, my most recent exercise equipment purchase is this GoFit KettleBell. I used it religiously, for a week. Which, for those of you who do not know me well, means that I did most of the exercise routine on the included DVD... three times. Really the only reason that I did it the second and third times was because I was so excruciatingly sore that I was afraid not to do the exercises again for fear I would have to return to that level of soreness again in the future if I stopped and then started again.
But here's the thing: after using the KettleBell that week, we prevented what would have been my next truly insane fitness purchase. We took the kids to a nearby resort community, and we rented a Surrey Bike. Renting the "bike" for an hour wasn't cheap, but we felt it was a smart way to try one and see if we wanted to spend several hundred dollars to purchase one for our family to use around town. Thank GOD we did! After just over half of an hour, my dear husband abandoned the bike and set off on foot. I persisted, thinking perhaps it would be easier to pedal without the weight of another adult. Wrong again. The kids and I were able to pedal back to return the bike, but we still didn't use up our whole rental hour.

We didn't even get home before I was sick. I do not mean just not feeling well. I mean on the couch for a week, followed by in the hospital for several days, followed by several weeks recuperation from pneumonia.
But, in my mind, it all started with the KettleBell.

OMG! My abs just got the best work-out ever laughing through this post. My worst purchase was the Ab-Roller. What a joke this thing was. I couldn't even assemble it. I did get them to refund my money minus all the shipping charges!
The Wii Fit sounds just awesome. I'd be skinny minnie if I had that, for sure! LOL
Thanks for the entertainment!

My best work out story:

I used to go to the Y on a quasi-regular basis. This must have been January b/c it was full. There were two rows of treadmills & in front some stair masters and elipticals. I was in the middle row, about half way down. I set my speed, started walking. I noticed that my walkman, yes cassette tape walkman, it's like 2002. No ipod at the time, discman not great for walking! So, I notice that my walkman is kindof bouncing on my elastic waist shorts. I'm thinking, "this may fall off." And then, it does fall of, and what do I do? Well, bend down to pick it up of course! I didn't connect the automatic turnoff thingy, so the treadmill is still running. I lose my balance, totter around so I'm backwards on the treadmill, which is...still running. My feet fly out from under me & I land on the treadmill, still running, on my butt. It shoots me off, and I'm sprawled in front of a row full of walkers/runners on their own treadmills. I can't help but laugh!

I blogged about my fitness equipment purchases and wanna win!!!!

Jenny, here's my blog and my entry:

http://terminettie.typepad.com/blog/2008/05/confessions.html

Thanks for the trip down memory lane!

Nettie

LOL I was rolling during this post. Um I was tryng to think about my random fitness escapades and well there was the time my graceful self decided Tae Bo was the ticket and I punched my self hard core in the face, which left a great bruise for all the word to see. Then there is also the great Ab Lounge in my guest room which my son thinks is a great recliner for Tv watching seeing as it never has been used for its intended purpose and I mean its the delux model,....

Ah Fitness.. So much fun!

Thanks for a great post and a fun contest!

I had a healthrider that we called the 'happy humper'!!

I'm shamelessy de-lurking for a Wii!! I've posted my purchases on my blog, however, you have me beat with the iGallop. I nearly choked and died when I watched the YouTube video. LOL!!

http://mom2css.wordpress.com/2008/05/16/exercise-costs-money/

I am not sure which purchase was the most ridiculous (see blog entry) but the treadmill was the most expensive impulse exercise purchase I've made. I don't even like to walk.

I do not have a blog site, but I would love to win this prize. I have been a sucker for years with those pesky infomercials. I have purchased the orbitrek, ab-wheel, countless vhs exercise tapes and videos, some slimy drink that promised to clear away all my fat that I inhaled, metabolite for curbing my appetite... I could go on and on, but my "stupidest" purchase was the product (I can't remember the name of it) that you strapped on to your abdomen, after applying a bit of gel to your gut, and it sent electic pulses to your abs that were suppose to replicate sit ups. It kind of tickled and kind of hurt, but I was determined to have rock hard abs. It never worked and I threw away loads of $$. Oh how I had forgotten about those waisted dollars. Thanks!

Yeah, this is not going on the blog, but how about Cindy Crawford's "Workout Video" oh and i do mean those words in quotes, it was the biggest joke and sucked so bad that it hurt to walk the next day. At one point, I started laughing and could not stop for 10 minutes. Yeah, I'm highly doubting the "fitness expert" was really credible.
I think the Wii Fit will not suck, make me laugh uncontrollably or cause pain the next day.

I purchased a used treadmill. (Hope you caught that used word before the treadmill word.) It is old and doesn't have the wonderful folding capability that the newer treadmills have. I could almost hear the snickering of the lady at the garage sale that I bought it from as I was walking away to get my husband. (He had to load it of course.) I actually used it for awhile until I moved in with my husband after our wedding. It got moved to our downstairs and away from any convient TV source. (Every exercise program for me has to hinge on me being able to get my reality TV fix at the same time.) Since that fateful move, I've only used the treadmill twice. The first time was when I was 10 1/2 mo. pregnant (it just felt like 10 1/2 mo.). I walked and walked and walked until I forced my body to have contractions in revolt. I had my daughter the next morning. The next time I was pregnant I waited until I couldn't handle it anymore and got that treadmill out(my husband got it out because in my mind it weighs 500lb.) and I started walking. I thought that it was a tried and true method of forcing that baby out of my body. That time it didn't work. I walked for two days until I got frustrated, kicked the stupid treadmill with a foot that I could no longer see and told my husband to take it to the local Goodwill. Needless to say, he was more than willing. Now I'm 7 mo. post-partum and I don't even have a treadmill that I "swear" that I will get on tomorrow. LOL.
Thanks!
neeseyb1 at alltel dot net

Ok, I've officially posted my tale of woe. I thought I was making a good purchase vs a silly one, but ... no. At least I saved a few hundred dollars, but I'd rather have my pride.

I soooooo want a Wii so I can use it to work out (sadly, I was discussing this with a friend this morning).

Have a good laugh at my expense at: www.honestandtruly.blogspot.com

Besides the multitude of aerobics videos that I own and do not use, I have never really fallen victim to the infamous infomercials. I've come close, but as soon as their phones start ringing I've always just hung up. It's like I was prank calling telemarketers - awesome. Anyhow, my story is one that unfortunately happened at a gym that I was a member of for a short stint a few years ago. I had really gotten into the Body Pump classes. They really are fun and since it was an all female gym I didn't mind the fact that every crack and crevice that I had would be pouring with sweat. Even through all that sweat though I still had a blast. Well, one ordinary day, not unlike any other, we had gotten to the part of the workout where we start with our weights on the ground, lift them to our chest, then flip our wrists over in order to hoist the bar above head only to lower it back down to the ground and do it again. The instructors always stressed the importance of keeping the weight bar as close to our body as possible during the ascent so as not to throw off our balance and to provide the proper form for the best results. I have always prided myself on being such a good student so I practically rolled the dang thing straight up, but on this particular day I guess I wasn't thinking and I held the bar a little closer than necessary when going for the pop and lift over head. Yes, I broke my nose that day because I was such a good student and totally dedicated to getting results. Take heed all ye who may venture into the world of Body Pump, it may just overtake you and leave your nose a little more crooked at the end of the day.

Loved your post and the contest, I really want to win!! I have many of yard sale purchases, stairmaster, treadmill, ab roller..... to no avail did I stick to any of them.

One story that sticks out in my mind was years ago. I was at a local fair playing Bingo. The row of prizes were up front. I saw the prize that I wanted to pick out a mile away..... it was almost sparkling up there. It was a thighmaster. I played a couple of games of Bingo and to my delight, "BINGO" I shouted out. I walked gracefully up to the front of the Bingo tent and grabbed my prize, the Thighmaster. I had seen Suzanne Sommers was the Spokes woman for the Thighmaster and with Three's Company being one of my favorite shows and everyhing, I figured I had just won the golden prize. I worked that thing for a month or so......hmmm that's funny, my thighs do not look like Chrissy's quite yet???? I kept that thing in my house for years....I would break it out every now and then, but nothing ever changed. I guess it was years later that I realized what the problem was........Suzanne Sommers was busted getting LIPOSUCTION!!!

Thanks for the contest! This really does look like fun exercise!
Lisa, WA

Humm... exercise purchases.
I started out investing in a workout membership at a local girls only "gym". It was ok until one day during the aerobics class, right in the front row, my knee gave out on me and I fell over. I was so humiliated that I never went back. I then determined that working out at home was the only way!! So my purchases began..
1) Jane Fonda lower body workout
2) Buns of Steel - the larger lady in the video was encouraging, but the workout was too hard
3) Roller blades - fun until you wipe out going down a hill or on a heavy populated path
4) Billy Blanks Tao-Bo - which really worked for me, but which also shows me just how out of shape I am in, so hard to get re-motivated
5) Kathy Smith Pregnancy workout - still in the wrapper, so I have no review.
6) a pair of tennis shoes (Reebook?) with a zipper tongue - so cool they were to only be used for workouts. Unfortunately my feet were the only thing that looked small after "using"
7) Fitness by Jake FirmFlex - which I liked, but had a hard/confusing time switching bands
8) Ab roller - seriously, I can't even do a push up what makes me think a can use this
9) a jump rope - simple, but hard to stay motivated with
and finally a
10) A treadmill - which my daughter now thinks is a stage and uses the handles as her microphone.
--- oops I forgot to include the classic Suzanne Somers ThighMaster

Quite the collection, I should be a fitness maven, but alas no. I guess motivation seems to be the problem and I've invested in everything from small to large. This new Wii Fit sounds interesting - I loved to give it a try : )

Thanks for this great post! Good to know I'm not the only one out there with high hopes for this "AWESOME" products!!

When I was a kid I had a crush on a boy and so began my feat to look fantastic for him. I begged my mom to buy me the "get in shape, girl" exercise kit...you know, the one with the jump rope, leg warmers (am I dating myself here?) head band (or do they call them 'sweat bands'?) wrist bands, some cheapo weights and a cassette tape. Flustered to get it home, I immediately opened up the package and got to work. I set up everything outside on my front porch for God knows what reason. I started the tape but it was so cheap the lady on the recording sounded like a warped drunken man, but I kept on playing it, thinking it would help me look good for this crush of mine. I began to work. I didn't understand for the life of me what the recorded lady was saying so I thought I would make up a few moves of my own. Thoughtfully I got on my back and rolled my legs up over my head. As I did so, my short shorts tensed up over my chunky thighs and split right at the crotch! My shorts then resembled a skirt, as I lay there with my pink legwarmers, sweat band over my forehead, grabbing my ankles clumsily over my head as I lay there...and I look up from my porch...and my crush was standing there eating a popsicle and laughing. I wanted to die.

Came over cause of Y at Joy Unexpected. Too funny stories! I've linked to my post. Thanks!

Have you ever heard of the bean? It's an inflatable kidney bean shaped thingy(kinda like a fitness ball). One evening of getting thrown of this bean on every attempt to complete one exerise, my then 2yo decided to use it has his new bounce house. Let me tell you, he seems to have better luck than me when using it. And now tells me to get off his chair. LOL!

Lets see. I have run the gambit on these things. I started many years ago with the Ab Roller, or at least some knock off of one. Guaranteed to work in 6 weeks! As I still do not have abs of steel, I wonder if I could get my money back... Later I remember a good friend of mine and I were determined to get into shape for out really hot karate instructor. I have very fond memories of workingout to "The Firm" balanced on one foot arms out stretched with a jelly donut in one hand. Seriously, I have no idea what we thought we might accomplish using Jelly donuts for weights. In some ways, I guess it worked. That weight has been permanently attached at my hips ever since.

I then bought one of those kits where you can eat all you want! Eat more often! We will teach you how to eat again! The comercial failed to mention that eating egg white omlets filled with fat free cheeses and uncooked veggies constituted breakfast. That kit sat unused under a bed in my parents house for 15 years. I just discarded it a few months ago.

I have had gym membership after gym membership, I would be really dilligent for a few weeks and then kaput, and I would promply gain another 10 lbs, never to be removed.

I have tried ski machines, treadmills, and free weights. I have gotten the latest and greatest bike which sat dormant for 5 years without that many miles having been ridden.

I have tried the ROM (Range of Motion) machine. My parents bought this and I have used it a few times. This one I think I could actually get into, it's only 4 minutes a day! I just can't swing the heafty price tag that comes with it.

Most recently I have a toddler to chanse. So far I think this one works the best. Not that I have actually had any results with this, other than consistency. I have no choice, I have to chase him daily, and the rewards are waaay better than weight loss. :)

OK, I don't think my entry rivals some of the others posted but I think I at least deserve the "damn good mom" honerable mention. Read about it on my blog: http://smiller-insideout.blogspot.com/2008/05/remember-me-being-brave-on-first-day-of.html!

The contest entry period is officially over - but if you've got stories to share, we still wanna hear them!

Phooey--I just missed the deadline! (Didn't find out about the contest in time.)

Mine is an on-going embarrassment. I started at Curves when DS#1 was about a year old and lost some weight; at least I was getting stronger which was also important to me since I had to chase, lift, crawl around and otherwise keep up with a toddler. Pregnancy #2 a year later was a little harder on me and I just didn't feel good enough to go regularly. I didn't want to let my membership lapse though because I didn't want to pay another start-up fee when I was ready to go again.

That baby is now 2 1/2 years old and my membership is at a Curves that is two states and 800+ miles away. (How many start up fees could I have paid for in the last three years?!)

I sent my entry in around 11:30pm but I don't see it listed here?

Sorry I missed the contest but I wanted to say- I too got the 6 minute ab machine! Glad I found your blog all the same, love your voice!

Does anyone remember the Susan Powder program??? Need I say more!!! LOL

Well, this probably isn't very original, but - it IS the truth. When I was going through my divorce, I lost a lot of weight - without even trying. It was like magic!! And, I still have a closet full of size 6 clothes to prove it. Fast forward a number of years, and you have: MEN-O-PAUSE! Yes, menopause. And, it doesn't like me....or specifically, my body and it do NOT get along. Weight gain - once again, without even trying!! So, in a fit of depression, I bought - at Walmart - a Tony Little Gazelle for about $80, I think it was. At least it was relatively cheap. And, it looked SO easy when he does it, on TV...."Come on, You can DO it!". Guess what - I can't. Well, I tried - I really did. And, I got a kind of rhythm going - but I don't think that I looked anything like Tony. And, I didn't lose any weight. But then, I didn't try very hard. Right now? It's leaning up against the wall in my bedroom, all folded up nice and neatly, with black t-shirts hanging from them in a size that I won't say out loud because that would make them real!

Since this is too embarassing to write on my blog, you get the shortened-up comments version! Plus, I'm nowhere near as funny as anyone else who has posted so... yeah.

About five years ago, I was put on steroids to try and fight this autoimmune disease that I have. Now, having checked around since then, this steroid is a medication that is recommended as a short-term, low-dose solution. The side effects include constant hunger/thirst, mood swings, weight gain, etc. etc. etc. if you're on it for any longer than a couple of days. I was on it for nearly two years. I gained over 100 lbs (and I was already a bit chubby to begin with) bringing me very close to 300 lbs - does the Wii Fit have a weight limit?
In the past three years, I have been trying everything to lose weight. It's not easy, because even though I'm not taking the prednisone anymore, I am still constantly hungry. But I've got the gym membership (haven't gone in a week but have been going fairly regularly before that!). I've bought the books - "eat right for your type" (I think my type is "glutton"- I even found some Susan Powter book at a garage sale and bought that. Walk Away the Pounds DVDs with the weighted balls (WHO ELSE LOVES RANDY?). I think my next step is going to be surgery, because nothing is working. I see photos of myself and just... can't handle it.
Wow, this is all whiny and complainy. I'm really sorry about that. You're super-generous to be giving one of these away, by the way.

OMG I just re-read and realized that the contest closed on Friday - oops! PLEASE DON'T PUBLISH MY WHINY COMMENT! Thank you!

I think I've already missed the deadline but here goes anyway.

I guess not what I've bought is embarrasing but HOW MUCH we've bought is embarrasing!

Bowflex Extreme
Gazelle
Treadmill
Curves
Ab roller
Ab Scissors
Ab Lounge
Free Weight Cage Machine thing
Dumbells from 15 pounds to 100 pounds and all the pounds in between
Denise Austin workout videos
Walk Away the pounds videos
pilates videos
Those things that roll on the floor to tone your stomach
rubber bands
Stationary Bicycle
Weight Watchers

I am still Fat and my husband goes to the local gym 6 times a week and has an amazing body, I tell him to take my body with him and work it out good but here I am STILL fat!

Yeah, um, did Bossy ever tell you about her Core Ball?

http://www.iambossy.com/i_am_bossy/2007/11/blog-kinderga-2.html

Geez, there are so many...
I guess the rocking thing that is like a bike, but just kind of goes up and down that I bought on HSN in the middle of the night for $100 (ONLY!!!!) I think it was some kind of ab thing. As if.

I too can walk the hall of shame for fitness equipment purchases. I made the mistake of becoming engaged to a military man. He is a former Marine turned Navy. Well, I wanted to show him that my 5’10” 250+ body could be whipped into shape. I was partially right. I feel whipped and my shape is still a circle.
At first I went to base with him and worked out at the gym. I made friends with some of the wives and started playing racquetball with them. Unfortunately we didn’t realize that when we were talking about the cute guys walking by, dishing about our significant others or just laughing our heads off that everyone in the gym could hear us because it echoed. Once, that realization came to pass our group quickly disbanded and decided to workout at home for a while until we had lived down our embarrassment.
Well, I was up late one night and flipped the tv on since I couldn’t sleep. There right in front of me was the answer to keeping my exercise embarrassment at home. I would buy these simple looking exercise machines.
So I subscribed to Fitness magazine during this time period. Went out and bought the workout wardrobe because sweats and a old band t-shirt just wouldn’t show I was serious about working out. There began the true spiral.
My first purchase was the Reebok Step thinking okay I don’t want to look like the crazy neighbor lady by stepping on and off my front porch step so I’ll spend $50 so I can watch television and step up and down 9,000 times in my living room. That lasted about a day. Then, I took in into the bedroom and set it next to the bed. Quickly I found out my little dog Paco could use it to step in to the bed and I no longer had to be woken up to let him up and down. So now my dog gets exercise from it and I sleep in.
I then thought well what if I get a exercise bike. HA! I’ll be honest it lasted a month and I just couldn’t handle that little tiny bike seat poking my rather large rear so it too has been repurposed. It makes a great place to hang clothes that can’t do in the dryer.
So the search for the “miracle” machine continued. I now have the strength bands to do bicep curls. I have the thick rubber bands to stretch your legs, a pink yoga mat, a lovely huge white stabilizer ball, sitting next to my 1-10 pound free weights, the weighted ankle wraps, a thigh master, the Total Gym, a portable stair stepper and all the Carmen Elecktra videos so I could strip my way to health.
Now the only time they get touched is when I dust and vacuum that corner of the room. So by now you must all be thinking hey we have all been there at one point or another. Well, that isn’t the worst item I bought. I too feel LA Jenny’s shame. I fell for Brookstone’s iGallop. For $299 my fiancée said it better be getting used. So I decided to make it a chair in the living room. Now whenever we have company you’ll see a line of drunken women trying out my cool chair. I may not be the queen of exercise but now we have a hoot at parties.

I keep getting it wrong. I buy the wonderful exercise stuff but like buying a gym membership I find out you have to actually USE it for it to benefit.

What good is that?