Great post. It really made me laugh because I believe for the longest time as a kid that if you chewed on your nails they would grow in your stomach - ewww.

OOoooooh, that's a GOOD one! I like it.

This actually brings up a really good point.... I give my kids gum and have no problem givng them gum. I think I instilled fear in them that if they get it on the furniture, in the car or their long hair, THEY WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER get gum again. A lot of my mom friends are HORRIFIED that I let the kids chew gum. Hey, they are happy, they brush their teeth afterwards and so far, NO ACCIDENTS.... thank goodness.

That reason is a lot more fun than the "You're not good at gum" reason I give my 4 year old. LMAO

I love my grocery store because it has several "no gum/candy" checkout lanes (clearly marked for tired mommys). Now that my kids are 25, 21 and 19 it's not really necessary to use those lanes, but it keeps my own impulse cravings in check.

As for the lying, even at their age I think my kids still believe that if you don't wash your hands after the bathroom, fur will grow on your palms overnight.

O.M.G..... My mom used to tell my littlest sis almost the same thing!! We used to tell her she would have rainbow poop or poop bubbles because of all the gum she swallowed!!
Kimmie cracks me up... "Your not GOOD at GUM!"... that is so flippin funny!!! :)

I wish I were that creative. We just made a rule, you must be five before you can have gum. When a child in my daughter's preschool class had her gum taken away, my daughter thought it was because of her age (she was four). Based on some later conversations, it appears that we ingrained the five year old rule so well, they think it's the LAW. My four year old daughter will ask her five year old brother if she can "carry" his gum for him. Although she's the most strong-willed child, she's never tried to chew it. I like the butt bubbles better.

I believe it is just a part of being a Mom that you have to do those little fibs to just get your kids to do things (or not do things) you want them to do.

I'm not sure if I believe you though, a good poop bubble...er, no, that's just gross.

ROFLMBO!! Sticky poopoo bubbles? I'll have to remember that one!

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First time commenter but I've enjoyed your blog for a while. ;)
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ROFLMBO!! Sticky poopoo bubbles? I'll have to remember that one!

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First time commenter but I've enjoyed your blog for a while. ;)
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Surely that would backfire for certain kids who would gleefully swallow their gum and wait in front of a mirror, craning their necks around to see?

My Mother used to tell me that the candy machines and/or ride-on-machines were all broken. They were not broken. Ever. ;)

You are too funny. My pediatrician said something similar when he gave my 6 mo. old gum (uses it instead of a wood tongue depressor). He said "it's okay if he swallows it he might just blow bubbles and not out of these cheeks: (as he pointed to his face cheeks). So if my doc. can lie then why not a mom.
I am right there with you, I am a fibber too. Whatever works to get you through a day.

Hey I want no gum/candy aisles at my store. :(.

My mother told me that biting my nails would give me worms.

She also told me that the snake I brought home had gone home to be with it's family while I was at school. I forgave her that since it was apparently a baby copperhead. (Of course, I didn't know about the flushing incident until many moons later)

But that worm thing? Scarred for life.

She hated gum chewing too, said people looked like a cow chewing her cud when they were chewing it. I think she would have appreciated your bubble butt theory.

LOL Devil's spawn you are! (JK) My mom did the same thing to us. You know that trick where you use your other hand to "slice" your thumb off? She had that one over on me for years. She also told me once that she cut off her finger while cutting vegetables - in order to fix it she just put it back on a with a bandaid.
Other dirty tricks; the "lets lay on the floor and see who can play dead the longest", along with a myriad of other tales involving the eating of certain foods which would make your stomach explode or some other disaster.

I have 2 favorites that I not only use on my children but others kids as well.

1) Cow coocons. You know those big, round bales of hay you see all over the farm-fields? And how you see baby cows, and grown-up cows, but never in between cows? That's because those big round bales of hay are cow coocons. The baby cow spins his coocon, and in the spring he eats his way out and is a full grown cow!

2) The world is flat (this is fun for early school-age kids). Get a 7 year old into an argument about how the world is actually flat. "But I've seen pictures! It's round" "Well yeah, but the picture is flat, right? So what proof do you have?" For the finale, pull a coin out of your pocket and ask them what shape it is, show it to them between thumb and index finger facing them with the large round flat face towards them. "Round!" is the inevitable answer. Flip the coin so that it is now flat between your fingers. "Yes, but it's also flat!"

This works until they learn the word for sphere.

Can I borrow that lie? My 2 year old thinks that if his older brother & sister have gum, he too should have a piece. So, I always relent to the ear-piercing screams and give him a small sliver, knowing full well it's going to go right down his little throat! Granted, using that lie on a 2 year old probably won't have much affect, but it might come in handy on my daughter. I have an almost 4 year old that asks me daily, several times a day, if she can have gum. She's pretty good with chewing then spitting it out when she's finished with it...the problem is always where she spits it...sometimes into her hand, missing and hitting the carpet...sometimes into a tissue, missing and hitting the car seat...sometimes into the trash, missing and hitting the tile floor. You know, come to think of it, I'm thinking that maybe we need to start working on her aim!

It is going to be ugly when the other moms start confronting you about your bubble farts.

But really funny...

well...at least if you are going to lie...you came up with a good one :)

I once again bow to the goddess of mothering. I want you to write a book and title it "Sticky Poop Bubbles and Other Mothering Lies." You could even have a blogging contest and have readers submit their best mom lies for inclusion.

You're not the only one with that tactic, but isn't that how we all parent our children? NO? This one time during the winter, my son refused to put lotion on his cracked face. So, I told him that if he doesn't, it's going to crack like that movie "The day after tomorrow", where people were frozen to death due to "abrupt global warming". And he has been putting lotion on evey time his face is dry. Hee hee. I'm so going to hell for this.

See what happens when you tell your kids fibs? They tell their friends you fart bubbles LOL.

Hilarious. Wait till the other mothers hear about it. The smart ones will be coming to you for new and inventive ideas on how to prevent problem behavior.

My kids would have been DELIGHTED and only demanded more. Because what could be cooler than bubble gum bubbles blowing out of your butt? My son would have wanted some to practice with so he could show his entire pre school class for show and tell.

My uncreative getting out of buying gum lies: 1. Oh, sorry, we can't get that, it has sugar in it and sugar makes us very sick. 2. Sorry, I don't have enough money for gum today, maybe another time.

Booorrrring, but effective.

Oh, I've based my entire parenting skill set upon lies. It's really the only way to go, at least until they're old enough to Google.