Somebody needs to soothe me. Who wants to hold me, patting my back while I repeat odd phrases, over and over?
I've been brought to the brink of insanity today by a series of seemingly unrelated, unimportant events.
1) Picture retake day at school is also "pajama day" at school. Does anyone see a dilemma with this? I mean, in theory, it's no biggie, except when you are five and six, you are all about school spirit. ALL ABOUT IT. And the recorded message from the school announcing that all the class photos were messed up, so please bring your children to school in 'photo' clothes, and send their pajamas for them to change into...just, no. I did not send the pajamas, and I am a horrible, evil witch. But, like, RESCHEDULE PAJAMA DAY. Or cancel it.
2) I, against my better judgement, allowed my oldest daughter to get one of those motorized dogs that respond to certain stimuli. They bark and whimper and move their heads. Whatever. It's not like we have a real dog. (Donna the Dog resents this new intruder as much as I do.)
Anyway, I let her take the thing along in the car on the way to Photo/Pajama Day, but made her leave it behind. I left straight from the school for my morning of random errands and music class with my youngest. Every bump in the road triggered whimpers and panting noises, combined with a creepy motorized head turning sound.
So, I'm driving along, listening to this high pitched "huhhhn huhhhn huhhhn" followed by a grinding "whirrrrrrr" sound. Every 30 seconds.
I did the smart thing, and pulled over, only to find that there is no off switch. And I didn't have a screwdriver to take the thing apart. I threw it into the trunk, at which point my youngest started howling and screaming for "doggie come baaaaaaack!"
Mutter Binga Shuga Mugga. Fine. I hand her the dog, and resume our course towards HELL.
3) We stopped to pick up some soft-soled shoes at a wonderful children's store and I ended up buying a little wooden whistle for my daughter. Another dubious parenting choice! I loaded her back into the car, and between the "huhhhn huhhhhn huhhhn" and "whirrrrrr" and "toot-toooooot!" I was feeling edgy.
4) Music class was fun, and my daughter fell asleep in the car on the way home, whistle still in her mouth, making little tweeting sounds as she breathed. I turned up some music, drowning out the sound of the whining fake dog. I rewarded myself with a little something-something in the form of an Eggnog Latte. "Why, hello, Eggnog Latte! Mmmm. You smell delicious! Why don't I just spill you down the front of myself before I get more than two sips?"
Yeah. So now, I'm just rocking back and forth, muttering and making a mechanical whining sound while smelling vaguely of nutmeg.
Oh! And my clothes dryer isn't working. See? It's fantastic to be me today!