Behind The Scenes
Lest anyone think that my entire existence revolves around designer coffee...
I've been having a rough time this last week. It feels like someone has been replacing the oranges and apples in my giant hat-o-fruit with rocks. My back is aching and my head hurts.
The kids have all been sick this week, so it is possible that my discontent has been the result of my body fighting off another cold. Hormones (Yay! Love them!) could also be the culprit. I know that my oldest child's struggles to comply with the behavior expected by her Old Skool teacher have had my stomach in knots. I have some tough decisions ahead with that situation.
Whatever the reason, every time I sit down at the keyboard, fluff about PSLs come pouring out of my brain.
This tells me that I need to stop talking about re-establishing my yoga practice and just make the time and space in my life for it. I need that outlet.
I don't know why I didn't write about my six year old daughter mastering the art of riding a two-wheeler in one short minute. All it took was watching some other kids riding. My husband and I had each spent plenty of time running along side her as she wobbled uncertainly, refusing to balance on her own. When a neighbor kid challenged her to a race, she told me to stand back and just took off.
I guess she was ready.
I also don't know why I didn't mention that I accompanied my daughter's class on a field trip, and discovered that perhaps I am too scattered to be a good chaperone. I am a little bummed - I assumed that I would LOVE going, and in fact, the responsibility of keeping an eye on several children beyond my own (and I had my youngest with me, which compounded the scatterbrained syndrome) made the outing unenjoyable.
Was it tough because I am feeling burdened right now? Or am I feeling burdened because it WAS tough. The chicken or the egg?
When I snapped at my two-and-a-half year old yesterday, for being too aggressive in her affection, a little piece of my heart broke. I have to lose this tension and lack of perspective.
Part of the problem is that all three kids have been coming into our bed at night again. It is usually not until around 3 or 4 am. Nonetheless, it is a major disruption of my already troubled sleep. When we allow them to crawl under the blankets, they kick and fling their arms around. As a result, I 'sleep' with my body tensed against impacts and my torso is covered with bruises.
When we return them to their beds, they wake repeatedly and return, crying hysterically. I believe they are growing very rapidly right now, because they are constantly moving their arms and legs, trying to relieve the aches in their joints. It makes for a restless night, for all of us.
Enough! Enough, I say! I'm going to have to make major changes in our routines, once again. But first, I am going to pull my head out and notice the little wonderful moments. They force their way out of the mortar holding my life upright, persistent little green sprouts that add a living, decorative touch to the most staid of walls.