All around the country, people are anticipating the arrival of relatives. Family bonding is part and parcel of Thanksgiving. Granted, not all of us are giddy about it. I enjoy my immediate family, but it's the impending arrival of my least favorite aunt that has me feeling put out.
Good Auld Auntie Flo. Howdy do. Perfect freakin' timing. At least we're supposed to eat a bunch of crap and be bloated and sleepy, right? They really should make a law around my poor timing, like Murphy's Law.
Actually, I had just recently ordered some cosmetics online, and got myself a whole bunch of freebies in the box. Whee! Free makeup stuff ROCKS. I got mascaras and lip glosses and a variety of lotions and perfumes and a nifty little compact with a magnifying mirror that was, like, super cute. Ohmigod. To the MAX.
I tossed the compact into my purse and went about my day. Later, in the harsh light of the day, I did a quick lipstick check with the darling little compact and AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGH! What the hell! What is with my giant pores? Oh, mercy. Gag me with a spoon!
As soon as it was feasible, (after the kids were in bed, and I was looking more - if that is even possible - haggard) I began a wicked cycle of skin treatment featuring exfoliation and alphawhatever stuff and strips that I stuck on and strips that I pulled off and THEN I found my "blemish extractor" and went to town on each magnified segment of my really irritated skin that could stand some extracting. I say segment, because I wasn't able to take in the full visage in the mirror.
After I had tortured my face into an angry, red, swollen mess, I smoothed on some overnight super regenerating high falutin' rootin' tootin' what the heck ever cream and laid myself out like a mummy so the miracle cream could resurface and brighten my skin. You know, bring out a new youthful glow and all.
My hubs had been doing the "Hey, Baby, You Wanna?" dance earlier, but as he climbed into bed, he took one look at me, snorted (seriously...he fully snorted) and turned on Sports Center. Perhaps my youthful glow was not as appealing as the ads would have you believe.
The net result of this episode is a really epic breakout, including a giant red atoll smack dab in the center of my forehead. Just in time for all the family photos and first time meeting my brother's girlfriend. Oh, and we'd hoped to get our family Christmas card photo, too.
So really, you won't want to miss out on this year's greetings. I'll be the Cyclops in the back.